


a symphony of birdsong

by spacepilotprince



Series: a symphony of birdsong [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BB-8 with she pronouns, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Dream Sequences, Expanded Canonical Interrogation, Fairy Tale Elements, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Past Lives, Reincarnation, Soulmates, see story notes about the deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:12:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacepilotprince/pseuds/spacepilotprince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate reincarnation AU. Finn and Poe can't deny something is drawing them together; they feel it lingering like a shadow. Can they figure out their new life together, or will this be yet another unhappy ending? (Canon-compliant with TFA movie.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poe

**Author's Note:**

> it feels so good to be finally posting this monster. thanks to gingeringfigs for the original prompt, which was a soulmate reincarnation au. i took her idea and ran with it, and 50,000 words later, here we are!
> 
> a note on the original character deaths tag: this is a reincarnation au. the fic references and highlights memories and dreamscapes of a handful of past incarnations of poe and finn, and some of those incarnations end in tragedy. there is one in particular that is described in rough detail as a device to hurt a character with the memory, and one that is heavily alluded to later. so they're character deaths in a way, but not of poe and finn as we know them. please feel free to message me if you want more info on those!
> 
> this was originally for a big bang and i unfortunately had to pull out, so if you love it and want to art for it, i'd adore that! you can find me on tumblr at queersatz-haderach.
> 
> the title comes from [this poem](http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/02/ive-loved-you-before-a-true-story-of-reincarnation-poem/).

"Many hundreds of years ago, there was a village. Just east of where your papá comes from, across the river. And in this village, there lived a young man named Imil. Imil was a farmer, growing maize to support himself like his neighbors, but this was a bad year. The land was in a drought, and Imil feared the rains would never come. He feared he would go hungry, forced to beg for his supper, despite his greatest efforts in his fields.

"The following afternoon, however, Imil was drawing his drinking water from the nearby stream when he came upon an unfamiliar man. The man introduced himself as Chak, and when Imil curiously asked him what he was doing, wandering through their small village, Chak revealed that he was a conjurer who spent his days traveling, offering his services to those in need. Imil, struck by the opportunity to perhaps turn his situation around, told Chak of the drought.

"Chak told Imil he had heard of this drought from several other villagers whom he had encountered so far. But when he had offered his talents to them, the villagers had scorned him, telling them they had no use for his silly magic tricks, and that they would not pay to be cheated. Imil, seeing the goodness in Chak, apologized for his neighbors and asked if he might accept Chak's offer. Chak and Imil worked out a deal. Imil offered to feed Chak in exchange for his bringing the rains to Imil's land."

"And what else, Mamá?"

Shara looks down at her son, smiling as he rests his head in her lap. She smooths the unruly curls back from his brow. This is his favorite bedtime story and he knows it well. She can practically feel the anticipation radiating from him.

" _And_ , Imil recognized Chak had needs, a traveler as he was," she teases.

"But what did he _say?_ He _said_..." the young boy prompts.

"'You need a place to stay.' And Chak replied..."

"'I need a place to stay!'" the boy answers excitedly. Shara laughs and smooths her son's blankets, tucking them tight around his side.

"Yes, yes... Now settle down, and listen to the rest," she chides him lightly. He settles down against her leg again.

"Chak began his work immediately. When Imil awoke the next morning, the earth in his fields was soft and damp, and within a few days, the seeds had sprouted. But that was not all that had sprouted. Imil soon came to realize that he was falling in love with Chak, and not just for the favors Chak was doing him—oh no. This was real and honest love, the kind that allows a person to see into another's heart."

"Like you and Papá have?" asks the sleepy voice from her lap. She smiles down at her little boy as she strokes through his hair.

"Very similar, yes. And just like your papá and I, they decided to join their lives into one. Chak felt just as strongly as Imil did, and they began to build a life together. Imil gave Chak everything, even the clothes off of his own back, and when they lay down with each other, it was like everything in the Universe found its balance. Chak's magic blessed their union, and Imil's devotion did nothing but strengthen it.

"But before too long, Imil's neighbors grew jealous. As if Imil's bountiful harvest weren't enough, Chak's helpful household magic had enriched their lives beyond what Imil's neighbors could endure. Blind with envy, they came in the night to kill Chak and reduce Imil to what he had been, evening the score. But Imil was able to trick the neighbors by telling them that Chak had taken his leave for several days to visit the city. Imil's neighbors searched his home, but Chak had turned into a bird, waiting in the tree outside, and so the neighbors could not find him. Frustrated, they stole most of Imil's maize and left. Chak, seeing this, cursed the neighbors' land to bear no maize. This is why the soil is so poor there.

"Under the cover of night, Imil and Chak packed their few possessions into their leather satchel and fled the village to settle anew in the jungle, out past what now remains of the old Rebel base. There, Chak bound his life to Imil's in an ancient and sacred rite, the two now destined to find each other in every reincarnation of their lives. Every little 'I love you' would strengthen their bond like tightening a knot. The pair lived out the rest of their days in bliss, never fearing the endless night that would one day fall upon them, for they knew they would be together once again."

Shara looks down at the sleeping child in her lap. With a fond smile, she gently shifts his head onto a pillow and tucks the blanket closer around him. She leans down to kiss his forehead, and then blows the candle out.

 

===

 

Poe sets the datapad on his desk and rests his head in his hands, still reeling from the memories. He doesn't often think of her this deeply, but when he does, he feels a rush of sadness. He rubs a hand through his hair before reaching for his mug of caf. He's always been a night owl, the darkness on any given planet reminding him of the silky night of space. If he has a day off tomorrow, he'll damn well stay up as late as he wants and sleep until at least one of the suns is setting. He takes a deep drink.

His mom's voice rings through his recollections. The way she used to sing to him, her voice echoing off the stone walls of their home. The exact timbre of her whistle, ricocheting out onto the patio where he would lay in the sun. He feels the cool, smooth surface under his bare feet, so small and soft, as he careens into the kitchen, just like every lazy morning.

" _You need pancakes_ ," she would greet him.

"I need pancakes," Poe murmurs, reliving the way they used to parrot each other with the exchange lifted straight from his favorite fairytale.

Nobody else seemed to understand the exchange, after his mom died. His dad, who was just as familiar with the story, wouldn’t even crack a smile at Poe's use of the formulaic wording. The loss of his wife was just too much for him. After a while, Poe simply stopped trying. After a while, he figured maybe the world just... didn't work like it did in fairytales.

Leaning back in his chair, Poe gingerly picks up the tiny model A-wing from the corner of his desk. He turns it over in his fingers, as he's done so many times before. Handpainted by him as a teenager, it bears the same markings his mother's ship had.

He doesn't fault his mother for her illness. What kind of a son would he be? And he's had plenty of time to get over it. Twenty years is more than enough. And after a couple years now with the New Republic, rising through the ranks to Commander, it all condenses back down to those days he spent with her in the cockpit of her A-wing, sitting comfy on her lap, her hands around his on the yoke...

Poe sinks back into his memories.

 

===

 

"Be back by sundown!"

It's rare Poe even sees his dad before he's out to the small makeshift hangar in the morning. His dad is up early this morning, though, tending to the fruit trees that grow in the shade of the enormous twisting tree that always seemed to have the strangest glow around it.

"Always am!" Poe calls back as he dashes out the kitchen and through the front yard.

"Except that one time," Poe hears his dad grumbling.

Poe can't really feel guilty about that time anymore. He had come back late, yeah, but there was just so much to _explore  _in the old Rebel base! He'd just lost track of time. And the only thing that had happened was he had missed dinner. Well, and the nasty sprained ankle that came from tripping over a vine in the dark, but it hadn't kept him out of the cockpit, so was it really that bad?

Poe shoves the pastry he grabbed for breakfast into his mouth as he plunks his helmet onto his head, trying not to smear his sticky fingers on his visor. He's got a lot to do today, having researched a new modification to his sluggish little junker ship that should make her run a little faster. The doorway of the makeshift hangar yawns before him, and he grins with excitement.

Gone are the days of him fearing the giant spiders who lurk in the corners of the old shack that serves as a hangar. Gone are his hesitations of wondering if he should spend some time with his friends. Gone are his trepidations of making an irreparable mistake on the engine. Young and cocksure, there's nothing that can happen to him that he can't fix. And besides, he sees his friends often enough at school, and if he's not in school, he's sure as hell with his ship.

It's a quick patch, trying out this new configuration for the power converter, and Poe is climbing into the cockpit before the sun has even reached its apex. He buckles in and checks the controls. Everything seems to be operational. With the punchy, adrenaline-fueled sureness that follows a new engine mod— _it's gotta work; it has to work; if it doesn't work, that's the end, so it's gotta work_ —he slams the thrusters and soars up into the sky.

It never feels like enough time before he has to circle back over the lush jungle and head for home, but the sun is sinking rapidly and Poe can't deny the growl in his belly. He navigates expertly back to his colony, and then his home, always welcomed back by the reaching arms of that great, twisting, shimmering tree.

Poe's dad already has dinner in the works as he stumbles in, helmet in hand and a triumphant grin on his face.

"It worked!" Poe shouts. Kes looks over his shoulder at his son and laughs.

"I'm not gonna pretend to understand what you did to that little puddle jumper of yours, but I'm glad to see you in one piece." He says it in the easy way that Poe has come to understand means, _I know you got your mom's intuition for this stuff and I'm not actually worried at all._ (Though someday he'll come to know it was all for show, and his father actually worried deeply with each roar of takeoff.)

"It was incredible," Poe barges on, setting his helmet near the door where he'll retrieve it tomorrow morning. He pulls off his gloves and dumps them on top. "Absolutely amazing! Didn't even take two standard hours, and I was able to—" Poe stops, seeing his dad's dubious expression. He sighs with a grin. "You're right. It's not gonna make any sense to you."

"Damn right, it won't," Kes says with a chuckle. "Now go wash up for dinner; you know I don't abide greaseballs at the table."

Poe grins and goes to climb up into his loft-room for a fresh change of clothes.

Being one of the first homes built in this colony at a time when resources were scarce, there used to be no refresher inside. They've since added one, and it really is convenient, but on hot days like today, Poe prefers the old rainwater-fed shower under the wide blue sky. He climbs back down to the ground level with his clean clothes, grabs his towel and soap out of the refresher on the way past, and makes his way out back.

The bricks around the outdoor shower are sun-warmed and inviting. Poe strips down and cranks open the valve, sending the solar-heated water down over his sweat-soaked hair. He scrubs all the engine grease and cockpit funk off, glorying under the last rays of sunset, and dries off just as the whisper birds are starting to cry into the night. He pulls his clean clothes on and goes inside to join his dad for dinner.

During the cool night hours, exhausted in body and mind with a full belly, Poe climbs up to his loft-room. He changes into his pajamas and crawls into his bed by the window. He can see his dad headed out to the hammock strung up under the softly glowing tree, the one his mother used to tell him was a gift from Luke Skywalker himself. Before long, he's asleep, dreaming of flying like an ace outside a distant spaceport.

 

===

 

Poe settles against the couch in the pilot's lounge, a bottle of beer dangling precariously from his fingers as his arm slings casually over the back. He kicks his feet up on the low table between the couch he's occupying and the one currently supporting his wingmate.

"All I'm saying is, I jive with your whole... no-strings-attached thing," Jess says with a shrug, and takes a swig of her own beer. Poe sighs at this. "I mean it! Ever since you joined the Resistance, it's been swinging doors at your quarters, and it's hardly been two months!"

"Ever since I joined the Resistance, you seem to be forgetting that I'm your commanding officer, as well," Poe says flatly, rolling his eyes as he lifts the bottle to his mouth.

"And you really don't seem to mind," Jess quips with a grin. "Listen, I'm not... trying to pry, or whatever. I'm just teasing. We all cope in different ways, y'know." She shrugs, stretching out on the couch. "I know there's been a couple... tight spots," she says diplomatically, picking at the label on her bottle.

"Tight spots?" Poe laughs. "Apparently you haven't been paying attention to how well I fly."

"Alright, alright, don't get cocky," Jess grumbles. She pushes herself upright again. "Seriously, though, I just... wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't check in with you, right?" Her voice is the tiniest bit softer.

"Yeah, I know, I... I do appreciate it," Poe says genuinely, a small smile on his lips. "But I'm fine, really. It's not... a coping mechanism or anything. It's not destructive, it's just... how I was raised, I guess?" Jess raises an eyebrow at this. "Okay, not _raised_ , I mean..." Poe chuckles, "I come from a culture that's very... open. Very positive about intimacy."

"So... you're saying that's normal for you? Never stopping to get too close to anyone?" Jess sounds more serious now.

"What I'm _hearing_ ," Poe says, leaning forward to plant his feet on the floor and rest his elbows on his knees, "is that you're trying to shrink me. What I'm _saying  _is that casual intimacy like this is... something I'm comfortable with. I definitely don't hold myself back from getting close to others. I just... haven't yet found anyone I... feel a connection with." Poe shrugs, completely at ease. "What's so wrong with having a little fun while I wait for them to turn up? You never know who you'll click with unless you give it a try." He gives Jess a rakish grin, to which she snorts and takes another swig of beer.

"Alright, then, flyboy. You want someone you can feel a connection with? What exactly are you looking for? Hit me."

Poe sighs and settles back into the couch cushions again. He thinks for a moment. It's really more of an emotion, he supposes, than a list of demands. It's something he's expecting tofeel, and he hasn't felt it yet. But how to put that into words?

"When I was young," Poe starts after a few moments, "my mom would tell me this fairytale of these two soulmates... It was my favorite. About a conjurer and a farmer, saving each other and falling in love..."

"Chen and Impu," Jess says casually.

"What?" Poe looks up at her, confused. "You mean Chak and Imil?"

"Chen, the sorcerer who comes to drive the pestilence out of Impu's fields, who is then invited to stay with Impu in his home, and they fall in love?" Jess shrugs. "It's an old classic on Dandoran. Figures you'd have a version of it on Yavin IV as well. I heard it all the time as a kid. A bit bleak, though, if you ask me..."

"Bleak?" Poe frowns. "What's bleak about two lovers binding their souls together, every declaration of love strengthening their bond like tightening a knot..." He trails off dreamily, slowly bringing his beer to his lips.

"Ours... is... a bit different than that," Jess says tentatively. "I mean, sure, they fall in love, but there's no... strengthening of bonds." Jess lets out a short laugh. "In our version, Impu's neighbors come to kill Chen, and he dies in Impu's arms... And yeah, he binds their souls together, but it's so they can try again, have another chance..." She pauses for a long moment. "Impu has to live on without him, just waiting for the day when he'll pass away and reincarnate into another life, free to look for his lover. Just imagine... Finding someone, and then having them slip through your fingers, and then you have to start all over..."

"That's why I'm not going to _let_ them slip through my fingers," Poe swears, a small but confident smile on his face, and she offers up the neck of her bottle for him to clink his own against in salute.

The door slides open and Snap comes through, his hair freshly showered and toweled dry. Jess grabs an unopened bottle from the table and offers it up to him. He takes it gratefully.

"Who aren't you letting slip through your fingers, Poe? That cute Twi'lek from Intelligence?" Snap jokes as he comes to sit next to Jess. Poe laughs, swallowing his mouthful.

"No, man, my soulmate," he says with a wide grin.

" _Soulmate_ , huh?" Snap cracks open the bottle and takes a long drink. "Awfully big words for someone with your track record..."

"Hey, cut it with the slut-shaming!" Poe laughs, and Jess punches Snap's shoulder companionably. Snap holds his hands up in surrender.

"He just hasn't found his soulmate yet, that doesn't mean he has to live like a kriffin' Jedi Master until he finds them," Jess argues.

"Thank you," Poe agrees mildly. Snap sighs, admitting defeat.

"I _just meant_ ," he insists, "that you don't really seem like the romantic type."

"Of course I'm romantic," Poe says with a shrug. "Just not with you." He brings his bottle up to hide his smirk, swatting at the bottle cap Snap flings at him.

"Whatever, whatever... Why do you want a soulmate, anyways? Always someone to worry about," Snap mutters.

"Yeah, but also someone to worry about you in return," Jess adds, almost soft. "Besides, we were talking about fairytales, the thought of fabled past lovers reincarnating to find each other in future lives... The thought that if it's worth that much, why not try for it, even just this once?"

"Reincarnated, huh?" Snap takes a slow drink. "I've heard those fairytales. Couple of different versions, right? Two people help each other out of a tight spot—"

"Chen and Impu," Jess says, right as Poe says, "Chak and Imil."

"...Right. So a couple of people help each other out, fall in love, and bind their souls together for eternity." Snap shrugs.

"It's really a lot more romantic than that," Poe argues. "I mean... the way they just _get_ each other," he sighs. "It was my favorite part as a kid. Imil offering Chak his home, saying, 'You need a place to stay,' and then Chak replies, 'I need a place to stay'..."

"Some of my friends as a teenager used to think that part smacked of a Jedi mind trick," Jess confides.

"What?" Poe asks incredulously. " _How_?"

"Well, y'know, the whole... mindless copycat phrasing thing," she answers with a dismissive shrug.

"No no no no," Poe dismisses. "It's _cute_. Imil just... He just knows. He knows what Chak needs, and he offers it without hesitation, he just... _gives_. He's so selfless, and Chak has no chance but to fall in love with him..." Poe gives a dreamy sigh. "There's no mind trick. It's about knowing your lover's needs, intrinsically."

"Yeah, well, coercion or not," Snap continues awkwardly, "my parents always told me soulmates became binary star systems, that if two people loved each other that much, their love would become manifest for everyone to see, stuck right up there in the heavens..." He shrugs. "I mean, I've heard the fairytales. Maybe they'd be a pair of stars that don't collide, but still just stars."

"They're bound to collide eventually," Jess says, ever the slightest pessimist.

"Yeah," Poe chimes in, watching the foam in his bottle as he turns it, catching the light. "But at least they'd be together."

 

===

 

_ Geldi't! Esn d'zu, mesidhz— Finn! _

Poe wakes to the quiet stillness of his quarters at least a good hour from dawn. He can see the soft glow of BB-8's standby light as she charges, and he blinks the sleep out of his eyes. He rolls onto one elbow and pushes his hair off of his forehead, the fingers of his mind trying to scrabble for every detail of his dream as they roll away.

It had been war. When is it not war? But this wasn't _his_ war... Poe sits upright, swinging his legs off the side of his bunk and scrubbing his hands over his face. Blaster fire. A scrap of leather being torn from a uniform. Someone yelling to him, _Rivas!_  And before that... It must've been the urgency that started to wake him. The feeling of now, _now, we have to leave now,_  the words making complete sense to him though he had never heard the rough dialect in all his life.  _Ate'pr bhrr d'zu. Iy bhrr ate'pr_ —that same parroting wordplay. _You need shelter. I need shelter._

Poe runs his hands through his hair and presses his palms tightly over his eyes. Stress. That's all this is. Stress, and too much talk of fairytales on the brain. It's not difficult to ascertain where the war motif comes from. Poe fumbles for his datapad left on the nightstand. He pulls up an old document he hasn't touched in weeks, and scrolls to the bottom of the list of paired names.

 _Rivas_ , Poe types, squinting against the faintly backlit screen. _Finn_.


	2. FN-2187

FN-2187 wakes up crying. From the corner of the room, a droid whirrs to life and motors over, its scanner reading the chip in the frame of the bunk.

"FN-2187," its tinny voice grates out. "What is your distress? It is my duty to inform you that your minder has been notified of three of these disturbances already this standard-month. To notify her of another would be unwise."

Instead of answering, FN-2187 rubs his hands over his face, trying not to breathe too loudly and wake his fellow trainees, though the droid might be doing that for him. He sometimes wonders if that's intentional, designed to shame him into dealing with his nightmares quietly like all the other children do.

"FN-2187, respond," the droid requests coldly, and FN-2187 rolls over to face it.

"I'm fine, okay?" he whispers, making a shooing motion with his hand. "Leave me alone. Don't tell the minder."

The droid seems satisfied at this and wheels back to its corner. FN-2187 rolls over to face the wall again, images flashing through his mind.

There had been a woman, someone he had loved. He feels an ache for that alone, but then... Then there had been another, a man. A man he loved as well, but FN-2187 had a wife. A wife. The woman was his wife. But this other man... There's a pain that sours the feelings around the wife, a feeling that he had married her too early, before meeting...

FN-2187 curls tightly around himself, pulling the blanket closer, but all it does is wake a sense memory, the feeling of a material being wrapped around his shoulders. Something warm and buttery, with a worn-in history, unlike synthetics, the only thing that FN-2187 has ever touched in his short life. Something Qesh had given him. Qesh, that was the man's name... Qesh, who had known he needed a friend. _Q'nt f'jat iirua sudit_ , Qesh had said. _Ynn' htan sudit_ , FN-2187 had agreed. He _did  _need a friend. He _does_.

As FN-2187 tries to get back to the sleep he knows he'll need for tomorrow, his mind won't stop reeling with images. Watching Qesh spin through a steady string of lovers, each as unsatisfying as the last, his own marriage now equally unfulfilling. As he starts to slip off, he feels a name brush against his ear, _his  _name, from the dream: _Loth_. It startles him back to wakefulness, and he rolls over in frustration. Tomorrow isn't going to be pleasant.

 

===

 

Every so often, FN-2187 takes the time to reflect on his life. It usually happens as he's falling asleep, the only time that he gets more than a few seconds of idleness strung together. Tonight is one of those nights, and he stares up at the bunk above him, the same bunk he's been staring at for fifteen years now.

A cacophony of monochrome is all his life has ever been. Dark steel hallways. White plasteel armor over black body suits. Stark white tiled refreshers. Black tables in the mess, on which they place their white trays, holding grey portions. And yet, despite it all, he dreams in color.

A blooming of culture and time, stretched out over centuries, with musical languages ringing in his ears. FN-2187 dreams of spices he's never tasted, fabrics he's never touched, words he's never spoken, people he's never loved...

Love. It always comes back to love.

In dreams, FN-2187 has felt the caress of a lover, tender and soft. He's felt lips upon his own, upon his neck and shoulder blades, upon each knuckle and each rib. He's felt the sweet ache of someone pressing inside of him, felt the rush of giving himself in to the exquisite torture, woken up flushed and sweating, sticking to his sleep clothes.

He's felt names whispered into his skin, names that are his. He's never had a name, yet he knows these are his. Names like Hadwin and Sah'ri, Ishtel and Aestin... The hands that touch him are different sizes, shapes, colors. Some are smooth and refined, delicate, with painted nails or swirling tattoos; others are coarse and callused, with wide palms and thick fingers, scars crossing the knuckles.

Maybe this is what life outside the First Order is like? FN-2187 has wondered, of course. Who wouldn't? The small bits of information about distant planets that make their way into the barracks only fuel the soldiers' thirst for more information. Perhaps this is his mind's way of dealing with the clues: an overactive imagination filling in the blanks.

FN-2187 rolls over and tucks the blanket around himself. He'll ask Nines about it tomorrow.

 

===

 

"Hey, Eight-Seven!" Zeroes calls to FN-2187 as he enters the armory. FN-2187 looks up, seeing his squadron waving to him from the back workstation. He joins them and takes a seat, pulling one of the blaster rifles over to him. He immediately starts in on disassembling it.

"You alright?" Slip asks, currently cleaning a rifle of his own. "Seem kinda quiet."

"You mean he's finally shut up," Nines laughs.

"Ha ha," FN-2187 spits sarcastically. "I just didn't sleep all that well last night," he sighs with a shrug.

"Man, when do you ever?" Slip asks. "Seems like every other night you're tossing and turning, mumbling nonsense... Y'know they might give you something for that, if you asked? Seeing as Phasma's got her eye on you these days... Could give you some sort of an implant?"

FN-2187 shudders at the thought. He knows better than to go asking after something from medical. Eighty percent of the time, medical issues are prescribed a swift shove out of an airlock. Attention from Phasma or not, FN-2187 knows better than that.

"Nah, I'm alright... It's just these dreams, y'know?" he says, shaking his head. Everyone seems to shift uncomfortably at that. "Do you guys dream? Like, often? Vividly?"

"No," Zeroes mumbles, almost hesitant. Nines simply shakes his head.

"Sometimes I do," Slip admits. Zeroes seems to look at him a little hastily. "Y'know, just random nonsense stuff."

"Like different languages that you didn't think you spoke?" FN-2187 asks, almost eager. Slip pauses, cocking his head to the side slightly.

"...No, like, I don't know. My teeth falling out, or forgetting my boots in the 'fresher or something. Why, what do you dream about?" Slip asks, cautiously curious, and Nines sighs heavily as he starts to reassemble the cleaned blaster rifle in front of him.

"Different people," FN-2187 says with what he hopes is a non-committal shrug. "Living their lives."

"What's so troubling about that?" Zeroes asks.

"It's, uh... I don't know, really. It feels urgent. Like I'm supposed to know them somehow."

"Man, that sounds _weird_ ," Slip mumbles.

"I didn't ask for it, okay?" FN-2187 says a bit defensively. "It just... happens. And I don't know how to get it to stop. I just keep dreaming, dreaming about _love_ , and—"

"We're all on our second blaster," Nines cuts in, his voice short. "Dreams or no, I think you oughtta start paying attention, boss." There's just enough respect, or should he say just little enough disrespect, that FN-2187 simply ignores him and turns back to the task at hand.

 

===

 

Cold, hard metal slams against FN-2187's back, knocking the wind out of him. He hears the clicking of boots before the stars clear his vision, and when he lifts his head, his captain stands in front of him, her imposing chrome armor doing nothing but reflecting his own tension back at him, just like always.

"Back again, are we, FN-2187?" Phasma says calmly.

"I'm sorry, sir," FN-2187 manages, trying to keep his voice strong. "It was a breach of judgment on my part. I never meant to distract my team while performing our duties. It won't happen again, sir."

Phasma regards him silently, allowing him to speak and waiting for several long seconds after he's finished.

"FN-2187," she begins casually, "how many soldiers have you seen sent to reconditioning for issues related to minor rule-breaking?" When FN-2187 hesitates, she continues. "That was a trick question. I'm sure you have seen many. But how many need to _return_?" she asks instead. Not waiting for an answer, she carries on. "Very, very few. You see, rules infractions are easy to remedy. My issue with _you_ , however..."

Phasma pauses ominously, and FN-2187 feels a cold sweat break out over his body. He swallows, hoping she won't see the small movement under the high collar of his body suit.

"We have been monitoring you very closely, FN-2187. Over the years, you've grown into quite the little soldier. You're on a promising track for officer, you know. There's just one small problem we're having with you. One we've been having with you since you were very young."

Phasma beckons to a droid in the corner of the room, and it lifts up on its anti-grav suspensors, hovering over to where FN-2187 stands against the interrogation chair. As Phasma continues, it begins strapping him in.

"You see, FN-2187, the First Order takes pride in having the best soldiers. We train them early and we train them well, setting them up for a lifetime of success and glory in battle. You've done quite admirably in these respects. But we also need to ensure our soldiers are mentally sound. We can't have New Republic propaganda clouding their minds with toxins, not when we've spent so much time revealing the truth to them—to _you_.

"Love, FN-2187, is a dangerous weapon, and one that must be wielded in the proper directions. Love is exploitable, a weakness that gives you a mainline to an individual's greatest hopes and fears. Love is something that only hurts, and something that should be left to those who deserve to be hurt: liars and traitors, resistors of the First Order, our _enemies_. Love, FN-2187, is something you have no business meddling in."

FN-2187 feels something sick and cold slither through him, a fear sharper than anything he has ever felt. He has been to reconditioning before, of course, though the memories around it are always hazy, the mental alterations making the short-term memory around the event supple and easily rubbed away. But something about this feels eerily familiar, especially as Phasma removes his helmet.

"Apparently you're becoming my new project," Phasma says, a sick sort of delight dripping from her words. "Six times in the chair now for the same issue might just be a new record. But I'm sure we'll get it right one of these days."

 

===

 

FN-2187 stumbles into the barracks and manages to brace a hand against his bunk before he collapses into it. His head is pounding and his ears are ringing, and everything hurts in a way he knows is going to be positively _torturous  _tomorrow. The rest of the barracks is in the refresher, he knows, and based on the digital chronometer in his helmet, he has about seven minutes before they'll come through the doors and file into their own bunks for the night.

The temptation to simply pass out in his armor is overwhelming, but so is the thought of the screams he'll feel from his body tomorrow if he lets that happen. Achingly, he pushes himself to sit up. The room spins and a roaring fills his senses, but he braces a hand against the ladder to the bunk above him and steadies himself.

Removing his armor is something that is so ingrained in FN-2187's motor memory, he hardly has to think at all. His fingers flip latches and pop casings apart, and he pulls every last piece of plasteel from his limbs. He remembers his helmet belatedly and lifts that off as well, setting it next to the growing pile of clutter beside his bunk.

FN-2187 knows he could very easily be flagged on misconduct for not only skipping his barracks' evening hygienics, but also for leaving his armor here on the floor for the night, instead of in the designated sterilization chambers in the refresher. Honestly, he thinks to himself as he undoes his torso pieces, not even another course of reconditioning would feel as terrible as dragging his sorry carcass down the hall at this moment.

As soon as the last piece of plasteel hits the floor, FN-2187 is crawling under his thin polyfiber blanket and surrendering to the pull of unconsciousness.

 

===

 

_ A syoru o ndumu utze. _

"Hi enpa o ndumu utze," FN-2187 breathes, sliding back into consciousness. It's still dark, and the bunks around him aren't restless like they get just before wake-up. It must be the middle of the night, and FN-2187's heart is pounding, like the drums he can almost still hear.

He takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes tightly again, chasing the images. He can feel silk on his skin, wrapped around and draped delicately, with golden bangles on his wrists and ankles. His ears feel heavy with gold rings, and there's a poise that he walks with, young though he feels.

_Abijemu, Abijemu!_  A dark-skinned teenager with short-cropped dreadlocks and clean, pressed linen clothes. His teeth are strong and white. _Abenakulo_ , the teenager says urgently, a reminder. The wedding—of course. _Abijemu!_  FN-2187 feels himself turn at this. It must be his name. The teenager hesitates, and then says nothing.

FN-2187 grasps at snatches of the dream, trying to hold onto them and make sense of them. He sees a palace, feeling a sense of calm and belonging as he wanders the gardens outside. Meeting the boy, younger now, though. Making a friend. He hears the same words he had spoken upon waking: _I need a distraction._

His hand reaches out—and it's delicate, with long thin fingers and bejeweled rings, refined in gesture, dark and smooth. Everything falls into place. He's a princess. _She's  _a princess. And as she reaches for the boy's neck, FN-2187 realizes what the boy is as well. The warm pliable collar wound around his neck is something recognizable to him, something that marks him unmistakably as a servant of the palace—no, of the princess herself. There are letters pressed into the material, spelling out his name, _Nwakem_. Below her as the boy is, though, the princess's touch is tender, that of a friend's. FN-2187 feels the familiar ache in his chest and snaps awake.

_Love_. After all the pain, all the reconditioning, here it still is. The bitter ache of a love that can never be, just like any FN-2187 could ever hope for. He rolls over, squeezing his eyes shut, and starts to run through the squadrons and their designations in his mind, forcing the dream out of his head as he tries to get back to sleep.

 

===

 

"Today is a big day for you all," Captain Phasma says, her voice loud and commanding over the rhythmic clatter of the squadrons marching into the transport ship. "Not only," she continues, "is this your first mission, for many of you, but it is a matter of _great  _importance to the First Order. Each squadron in this transport has been hand selected by myself with the utmost care."

FN-2187 follows the trooper in front of him, SK-941 according to the readout in his helmet, and comes to a stop inside the cold, impersonal shuttle interior. His heart is racing in his chest. He's knows he's among those whose first mission it is.

Recently, FN-2187's squadron had been employed to deal with an issue at a mining operation. What had originally been described as 'restoring order' had quickly devolved to plain and simple execution, and FN-2187 had hesitated with his blaster. He'd gotten a talking-to about that, to put it nicely. And within that talking-to, Phasma had ensured that now that FN-2187 was a fully-recognized stormtrooper, this mission might do him some good.

"This village on Jakku," Captain Phasma continues, jarring FN-2187 out of his thoughts, "is harboring a man who has information that will be extremely dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands. Kylo Ren will be accompanying us to ensure that the man is apprehended. Make certain that no... hesitation," Phasma says bitingly—FN-2187 knows she's speaking directly to him—"...gets in the way of our plans today. Is this clear?"

A resounding 'Sir, yes, sir' echoes through the shuttle, and Phasma nods once before walking off to her own transport at a clipped pace. FN-2187 watches the shuttle door close and swallows hard.

 

===

 

Jakku feels like a nightmare.

Even though they arrive in the dead of night and the desert is cold, FN-2187 feels hot under his plasteel armor. He jogs out of the transport with the rest of the 'troopers, setting up a perimeter. He's not sure what kind of dangerous information they could be seeking, but in a tiny shantytown like this, he's sure they could be hiding _anything_.

The blaster fire is already hot on them from their first steps off the transport. FN-2187 follows Slip as their troops fan out through the village. There are lower ranked 'troopers razing huts with their flamethrowers, but FN-2187 is elite. He's here to find and subdue anyone who might be holding dangerous information.

A few soldiers drop around him, hit by blaster rifle, but it isn't until Slip falls that FN-2187 takes notice. It's a shot to the chest, sending Slip crumpling to his knees.

FN-2187 is at his side in an instant, fear and rage surging in him as he tries to help Slip, but even he can see that it's too late. Who the pfassk would do this to an innocent soldier? They'd been fired on since the instant they touched down, before they could even show themselves. What the hell could they be protecting that's so important?

Slip's blood smears over FN-2187's visor, and he watches his friend's hand fall.

What _could  _they be protecting? FN-2187 backs away from Slip's body, looking around. The frenzy around him is mostly civilian, he sees at last. He feels a sinking in his gut. It's not just dangerous information that's being protected... It's lives, and _families_ , like the family that FN-2187 has never had, _will  _never have... The family that he was taken from by the First Order.

FN-2187 sees the fear in the civilians' eyes, the mothers frantically trying to protect their children, the husbands calling to their wives. FN-2187 thinks about all he's ever heard from his commanding officers about love, how it's an exploitable weakness that leaves one open to manipulation... But then he thinks about the sting of love that he's felt in his dreams, and knows he'd instantly do the same for his loved ones—if he had any...

He stumbles out of the chaos, until everything seems to come to order. He's led to the front lines again by a commanding officer. Kylo Ren strides down from his ship, and a frail old man is brought before him. This is clearly the man they're seeking, and for the first time, FN-2187 hears what information they're trying to obtain—a map to the fabled Luke Skywalker.

Though the man is civil with Kylo Ren, it's only a matter of minutes before he's struck down by the fearsome red saber blade. FN-2187 feels sick. What could've been so dangerous about this elder? A man tries to shoot at Kylo Ren, and FN-2187's blood runs cold as he watches the blast freeze in midair. He has seen—many of the 'troopers have seen—the way Kylo Ren is able to manipulate things with the Force, but never has he seen a bolt from a blaster come to a stop before its target.

The prisoner is brought to his knees at Kylo Ren's feet, the blast quivering in place, seemingly forgotten. FN-2187 can't understand what they're saying, but something about the man tugs in his chest in the strangest way. FN-2187 wishes he could hear what the man is saying, but the conversation is short as the man is frisked and taken prisoner.

Captain Phasma steps up as soon as the prisoner is led off. "Sir—the villagers."

"Kill them all," Kylo Ren says shortly.

"On my command..." FN-2187 sees all the soldiers around him raise their weapons at Phasma's order. "Fire."

Late to lift his own blaster rifle, FN-2187 can't even muster the... strength? courage? resolve? Whatever it is he seems to be lacking, he doesn't fire a single shot, instead staring numbly into the carnage.

All of the fear and doubt adds up in a sudden crippling rush, and he can only come to one conclusion: He needs to get out. Soon.


	3. Escape

Pressure. That's all Poe can feel. Pressure, and the notable absence of anything else. He can't feel his limbs, his breath, his face... Nothing. Just this constant, tearing pressure inside his skull. It's enough to make him cry out, feeling like he's being shredded thought from thought, the room warping and twisting before his eyes as his mind struggles to remain stable against the onslaught of prying Force fingers.

The pressure lets up slightly and a few things get knocked loose. His vision swims as he remembers tender words from different mouths. Leather garments and books. He squeezes his eyes shut and groans. This is not helpful. The images make his heart pound, leaving him feeling more vulnerable. Poe tries to clear all of the clutter out of the way and focus.

Kylo Ren leans into Poe's space, staring him down from behind his impassive mask. Poe can feel his proximity, but he keeps his eyes shut as he breathes harshly. His senses start to filter back to him, bit by bit. He can feel blood trickling down the side of his face.

"What did I find there, Dameron?" Ren asks, his voice deceptively soft and thoughtful through the modulator. "Some old flames, perhaps? Buried in there deep... Too painful?" he taunts. Poe grunts. "Perhaps you'd like to tell me about the map, then."

The map. That's right. Poe tries to keep his breathing deep and steady, rededicating himself to the task at hand. He keeps himself very aware of his teeth, lips, and tongue. He fights the urge to lick or bite his lips, fearing the way his jaw will clench when Ren inevitably sinks back into his mind.

"No?" Ren prompts. "Still not feeling very cooperative? Well, maybe... Tycho will have something to say about that."

The name stirs something in Poe's memories, and he feels his brow furrow as Ren starts to brush into his mind again, rummaging around.

"A lover, hmm? Well, well, Commander..." Poe can hear the smirk in Ren's voice, heavily altered though it is. "And a handsome one at that..."

Like slamming out of hyperdrive, Poe is suddenly assaulted with images. A smile, bright and familiar. Someone taking him in, feeding him. Someone saying his name on a pleasured moan— _Dash, Dash..._  He's seen this in his dreams.

"But what's this?... Oh, how tragic," Ren says.

Poe feels the pressure in his skull like something else has crawled in with his brain. Wrenching pain tears through his very soul as he feels Ren pluck memory after aching memory out of him.

"What a shame," Ren mumbles, and Poe can almost feel him unfolding the memories and holding them out like the chains of paper dolls his mother used to make with him. "Found him on one of your ground missions, did you? A helpful civilian to take you in and feed you... And give you a good _fucking_ , isn't that right?"

Poe feels a sharp twist in his gut as the sensations flood in, every caress, every kiss, spinning his mind like a top, confusing his body as he snaps between fear and lust, careening out of control—

"Too bad. Maybe if you were loyal to your cause, instead of sneaking off with a civilian, he wouldn't've gotten _shot  _by your comrade," Ren hisses. Poe grits his teeth and tries not to scream, but he's pretty sure he only narrowly avoids it. "That's right, watch it again. Right in the chest. Do I recognize poison darts? Nasty way to die... Must've been terrible to watch him suffer such an agonizing death."

Right on cue, as if thirsty to know just how agonizing it was, Ren dips into Poe's mind again, searching for the memories. Poe pants harshly, trembling all over, the weakest he's ever felt. The laugh that crawls over his skin when Ren finds the right memory is like knives.

"Oh, _Dameron_ ," Ren taunts, still laughing. "I thought maybe you'd have fled, but to snap his neck with your own two hands? That's almost too good." Even with his head hanging, Poe can feel as Ren gets right up in his face again. "You killed him," he says coldly, accusation dripping from every word. "You had to listen to him, _begging  _you to kill him, begging that if you _loved  _him you'd kill him... But you didn't want to, did you?"

Poe is veritably shaking by now, his jaw clenched tight, aching loss echoing through his every bone. The dreams had never been this bad, this real. But Ren is somehow amplifying them—he must be. There's no other explanation for why this feels so _real_.

"He begged you, until you couldn't take it any longer. Tell me, Commander: Did you do what he asked because you loved him? Put him out of his misery?" Ren asks mockingly, until his voice turns black with disgust. "Or did you kill him to _shut him up?_ " he hisses.

"Stop!" Poe tries to shout, but it comes out in a weak groan.

"Have you had enough? Because you know how to stop this." Ren straightens to his full height again and reaches out a hand, shoving Poe's head back against the chair with a blast of Force. "But if you refuse, I can keep going. I can extract _every  last ounce_ of pain from you,  _every  _regret. I can play them _over and over_  until I _break_ you , Dameron. Until I shred _every  _last happy memory from your _husk  _of a soul," he spits.

"Awfully dramatic," Poe grits out, and almost has the sense to feel fear before—

_ "Dash, please! Ah, please, Dash, y-you have to—oh gods, I can't take this... You have to do it." There's harsh panting throughout the words. "You wouldn't've mentioned it if—if you didn't think it was a good idea. Please. It h-hurts. It hurts so kriffing bad, and it's only getting worse—! Nngh, I don't want this, please, Dash, y-you've gotta help me... You've g-gotta do it, you've gotta kill me, please. P-please—annh! Don't let my last moments... of seeing your face be in s-so much pain. It's gonna get worse, ah. You've gotta do it, now. Do it, Dash— Kill me! Dash! Ah, kriffing hell, Dash, please, I'm begging you!—" _

_ Those wide eyes staring up at him in panicked terror, begging for a way out, any way out... His own hands, almost tender, coming to rest on the pained face, gripping as gently as he can. _

_ "I'm sorry." It's his own voice, he knows, choked with sobs. "I'm sorry, Tycho, I'm so sorry, I love you, I'm sorry—" _

Poe's ears are ringing with silence following the sickening snap. His cheeks are wet.

"Thank you, Commander," Kylo Ren says, all business, and horror dawns on Poe as he realizes that something else must've shook loose—something important. Either he spoke, or Ren was able to dig it out of his mind. A sharp fear for BB-8 rises up, and for one blinding second, the pressure is back. Through it, he hears Ren laughing, and with a sinking feeling he knows he's been tricked, played upon in his weakest hour. The realization is bitter in the back of his throat.

 

===

 

FN-2187 walks down the hallway at a clipped pace, abjectly terrified. After the stunt he pulled on Jakku, he should feel lucky that he wasn't just razed on the spot. Captain Phasma's tone of voice was chilling when she told him to submit his blaster and report to her division, but Finn knew he had a lot better odds than some 'troopers, due to his impressive track record.

Never had FN-2187 had to submit his blaster for inspection before. In all the simulations he'd been a part of in the past, he was too closely monitored for the simulation proctors to have a doubt over whether or not he'd fired. Not to mention the fact that he'd never had a reason not to fire before. So the process of having his weapon examined in front of his captain's division was an entirely new, gut-churning experience.

The worst part, however, was standing in front of them and being mercilessly railed with what may or may not actually be nothing more than First Order propaganda. FN-2187 had been reminded to fight for the First Order's cause, to help rid the galaxy of Resistance-sympathizing scum that would tear down the peace of the New Republic just for the glory and fame of the old Rebellion days they were so brainwashed by... FN-2187 suddenly isn't sure if the Resistance are the only ones being brainwashed.

In the end, FN-2187 is sent to reconditioning. The 'sent' part was the blessing. Had he been escorted, he'd be as good as dead. But being sent on his own, he has some wiggle room. He goes with the only half-cocked plan he can come up with—that guy they had taken prisoner on Jakku.

The guy who he'd learned had shot down Slip.

FN-2187 had lost comrades before. Sometimes there'd been explanations. Other times, like that of the first real friend he had made as a young cadet, people just... never showed up the next day. FN-2187 isn't stupid; this is war. And war means doing what you have to do, what's right by yourself and the side you're fighting for.

Except for when those two things don't match up. FN-2187 has been grappling since the mining camp incident with a quiet, growing discontent in his chest. The death of Slip was just the final catalyst. Honestly, with the way Slip had been starting to pick up the pace, FN-2187 can't say that he wouldn't've been the next First Order superweapon. Probably not, but he'll never know now. And that might just be for the better.

It's not like he and Slip were ever particularly close—or he and Nines, or Zeroes. They don't particularly like him all that much. They're his _squadron_ , not his family, FN-2187 thinks bitterly. He doesn't have a family. Nobody here does. At least they've got that as a unifying factor.

FN-2187 thinks he ought to thank the prisoner for shooting his comrade down. Without the shock of it, he might've just been coerced into doing exactly what the First Order wanted him to do. But no longer. Today is the day he gets out of here, or dies trying. They'd probably just cut him down with blaster fire for trying to leave, and that certainly sounds like a better way to go than whatever they'd do to him if they had reason to believe he was planning treason. So he rounds the corner to the detainment chambers and steps into the holding cell as the doors slide open.

As soon as he sees the prisoner, the same sort of jolt goes through him as the first time he had laid eyes on him, as the man was being shoved to his knees in front of Kylo Ren, cocksure and confident—though there's certainly none of that left now. There's a familiarity about him, although FN-2187 can't seem to figure out why. He's certainly never seen the man before Jakku—the only people he's seen outside of the First Order are all dead.

Here now, strapped into the chair, possibly passed out or possibly just trying to doze for a while, he looks... unmistakably fragile. The blood matted in his curls and the bags under his eyes don't help that image at all. FN-2187 is struck by a deep need to care for him, which he thinks is just as well, seeing as this man will have to be his ticket outta here, one way or another.

"Ren wants the prisoner," FN-2187 tells the 'trooper on duty, and it's surprisingly easy to take custody of the man. FN-2187 supposes he has his track record to thank for that.

The prisoner wakes up enough to stumble along beside him down the sterile hallway, though it's with a defeated air. FN-2187 hopes he hasn't been broken completely, hopes that a little derring-do will help bring him back to his senses and get them both off this ship. He shoves the prisoner into a service eddy and steps in after him, hoping that this crazy plan will work.

 

===

 

Poe tries to stop himself swimming in the horrible memories that Kylo Ren left just floating on top of his consciousness. His only hope in the universe is that this buckethead is moving him to somewhere more comfortable, or somewhere where they'll just kill him already. He bets the latter is more likely, and really, that's fine by him at this point. Then he's being shoved into a little alcove, wondering what fresh hell he's about to encounter now.

"Listen carefully. If you do exactly as I say, I can get you out of here."

Poe blinks. That can't have been what he heard. Get him out of here?

" _What?_ " he slurs.

It's gotta be some sort of sick joke, another way for Ren to toy with him. But then the stormtrooper pulls his helmet off and Poe's heart slams in his chest. _Those eyes_.  Those eyes are the same eyes he had just seen, the same that had been yanked out of the depths of his mind—wide, panicked, searching... Poe swallows hard.

"This is a rescue. I'm helping you escape. Can you fly a TIE fighter?" the 'trooper asks.

"You're with the Resistance?" Poe guesses. It's the only thing that makes sense, an undercover agent sent by the General at the first word that Poe had been captured.

"What? No no no," the 'trooper says hastily. "I'm breaking you out. Can you fly a _TIE fighter?_ "

"I can fly anything." The grin that breaks out on the other man's face makes Poe's heart soar. But something still doesn't make sense. Since when did stormtroopers show mercy? "Wh—...Why are you helping me?" The 'trooper pauses, like he's trying to pick the best answer.

"Because it's the right thing to do."

Poe gets a strange, low-grav feeling in his stomach like this is a pivotal moment for him. Here's this gorgeous, selfless 'trooper right in front of him— Whoa, okay, no. Just a 'trooper, who is probably also in a tight spot. Of course it's a pivotal moment. This is probably life or death for him right now. And judging by the track record of the First Order, probably for this 'trooper as well. In the midst of all of the thoughts crashing around in his still-sore head, the words tumble out of his mouth.

"You need a pilot."

Poe swears he didn't mean to spit out the old formulaic prompt known so well to him and his mom. Something just pulled the words out of him, and the 'trooper probably won't—

"I need a pilot."

It's a long second before Poe can get a handful of useful thoughts scooped together. All that seems to be firing over his neurons is the feeling of sunlight on his skin, of a warm kiss on the forehead, a whispering of dozens of long-dead languages—endearments, Poe can instantly realize, in a way that makes him at the same time equal parts terrified and comforted. To get his brain back online properly, he starts nodding.

"We're gonna do this," Poe says, a gutsy grin slipping onto his face.

_This  _turns out to be a bit of an ordeal. Stealing a TIE fighter was never bound to be the easiest of tasks, but it might have been a little less tricky if his rescuer had managed to tell him the thing was tethered to its charging dock. All in all, though, things go about as well as Poe could have hoped for, having gotten about five minutes' sleep in the past two days and then having someone rummage around in his brain.

His new friend, it turns out, is a pretty decent shot and manages to wreak some serious havoc while Poe fiddles with the controls to try to find the charging port release. After some fiddling, he manages to locate it, and they're home free. Well, out of the hangar, at least.

They go screaming out into space and Poe manages to navigate pretty slickly between all the blaster cannons beneath the _Finalizer_. His brain is running a mile a minute as he works with his companion to take out as many cannons as they can. Poe tries not to get distracted by how adorable the man behind him is as they celebrate his perfect shot.

It really is perfect, too. The kid must be some sort of sharpshooter for the First Order or something. Poe supposes that's just the luckiest thing, really, considering he probably wouldn't've made it out from underneath the _Finalizer  _had he been with... oh, someone from sanitation or something. In the midst of everything, he finally remembers his manners.

"Hey, what's your name?" Poe half-shouts over his shoulder.

"FN-2187," the 'trooper states matter-of-factly.

"F— _what_? " Poe asks incredulously.

"That's the only name they ever gave me." Those sick bastards. He doesn't even have a  _name_?

"Well I ain't using it. FN, huh?" Poe scrambles for the first name that comes to mind. "Finn. I'm gonna call you Finn. Is that alright?" A split second too late, he realizes where the name came from.

 

===

 

FN-2187 hears the name and it's like waking up. He smells hot blaster fire and fresh-turned soil; he feels the warm, worn hands of someone he cares about. Someone he gave his leather ID tag to, the tag on which was printed _FINN_.

"Finn. Yeah!" he shouts agreeably. "Finn—I like that! I like that."

"I'm Poe, Poe Dameron," his companion introduces, and FN-2187— no, _Finn_. Finnfeels something warm diffusing through his chest, like this is meant to be. Like this is something that's been a long time coming. He thinks it's probably just the endorphins, or else maybe internal bleeding. Hopefully endorphins.

"Good to meet you, Poe," he calls back.

"Good to meet you too, Finn!" Poe shouts.

They're suddenly under fire again, and Finn recognizes the seeking missiles from the ventral cannons. They manage to take one out, and then Poe drops the bomb on him.

"Where are you going?" Finn asks, on higher alert as Poe seems to swerve the ship with more purpose.

"We're going back to Jakku, that's where."

Finn feels nothing but a blind panic. If they go back to Jakku, the First Order will find him, and now that he's free, really free, he wants to _live_. They're flying in spastic arcs to avoid the missiles, and Finn's heart is in his throat, but for some reason he _trusts  _Poe, really trusts him, and believes that this will all somehow be okay. But not if they go back to Jakku. If the First Order captures them, he has no doubt of the nasty things they'll do. He's not sure _what  _those things are, but he trusts they'll happen. He's found Captain Phasma to have a very creative sense of punishment.

"No no no, we can't go back to _Jakku_!  We need to get out of this system!" Finn insists. He knows this is a special forces fighter; he knows it has hyperdrive.

"I gotta get my droid before the First Order does," Poe says firmly. Something in his voice seems to take on a lot of blame. Finn wonders if that is what they were interrogating him for. Still, it seems like an awfully small pay-out. What does a droid have to do with all of this?

"What, a _droid_? " Finn sputters.

"That's right. She's a BB unit, orange and white. One of a kind."

"I don't care what color she is! No droid can be that important." Finn is grasping at straws. This is his only chance out of this nightmare, and he's not about to blow it over a droid.

"This one is, pal!" Poe says decisively. He's flipping switches behind Finn, and if Finn weren't so terrified, he might be more impressed at how easily Poe seems to be flying this ship he's never piloted before.

"We've gotta get as far away from the First Order as we can. We go back to Jakku, we  _die_ ," Finn tries again.

"That droid has a map that leads straight to Luke Skywalker," Poe confesses, and everything suddenly makes sense. In the same second, though, Finn feels a surge of anger. A map to Luke Skywalker, something very dangerous indeed in the wrong hands, and Poe had given it to a _droid_?

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me!" Finn shouts.

Finn is about to go on when there's an explosion against the TIE fighter, and Poe's hands are flying over the controls. Finn sees the scorched surface of Jakku whirling past the transparisteel windows. They're spiraling down toward the atmosphere, and Poe is speaking very urgently to him. Finn tries to focus.

"...button on your left, there. Do you see it? _Finn_ , the red one, under the cover," Poe begs.

"Yeah, yeah, I see it," Finn answers as clearly as he can, nodding firmly.

"Wait 'til I say—you don't wanna shoot out into the vacuum. Once we break a good atmo level, slam it. There's a lever on the right side of your seat. Wait until you reach your arc and start falling, then yank that for the parachute."

"And you?" Finn asks desperately. "You got one?"

"Yeah, I got one, buddy," Poe says, almost distractedly, trying to do everything he can to bring the ship into atmosphere steadily. Suddenly, something starts beeping frantically and Finn smells ozone. Poe swears emphatically.

 

===

 

Poe likes to think of his mom in times like these. Shara Bey never talked much about her time in the military. Sure, she told him about flying and about the worlds she'd visited, but nothing much about combat or sticky situations. That was his dad's area of expertise, and his dad is anything but a pilot. But upon joining the New Republic and hearing of his mom's heroic deeds, he has no doubt in his mind that she had had her fair share of close calls. Poe imagines what his mom would do, what metric she'd apply to figuring out the best way to take them down in an unfamiliar ship.

He often finds he has some sort of sense memory for flight. He used to think it was somehow passed down from his mother, some sort of innate talent. That was until he started having the dreams, spiraling through space in an unfamiliar cockpit, whooping with joy over the commlink to someone he must've cared deeply for. Someone who called him Tybr, who begged him to come home safe. He always did in those dreams, and he always does now.

"Gonna be a little rocky!" Poe shouts, his eyes bright and focused as they dart over the controls. He takes a deep breath, trying to recall the feeling of his mom's hands on the backs of his own, flying her A-Wing. He's scared, though he's trying not to show it. But the thought of this being his last flight is too real to deny, and it seems only appropriate to think about how much he misses his mom—and his dad, come to think of it.

Poe thinks back on the few memories of his mom that are actually his. He remembers her telling him his favorite fairytale, and baking his favorite cookies. He remembers the way she would weave flower garlands and drape them in his dad's hair. He remembers the way his parents would kiss, easy and sweet, with little words and laughter between each one. He remembers, probably most of all, how much love there was in their home.

Poe never wanted for someone telling him they loved him. He still hears it in his mother's voice, and his father's, as well as his grandfather's and some of his closest friends. But hearing his mom and dad say it to each other always felt like they were spinning some sort of magic between them. The way they'd look at each other and say it so earnestly... Poe always believed—and still does—that a heartfelt 'I love you' is the best good luck charm anyone could ever employ.

Here, in the moment, breaking through Jakku's atmosphere with the smell of hot electricity sizzling into his nose... This feels like the perfect time for a little luck.

 

===

 

"Finn," Poe calls, trying to keep the note of desperation out of his voice. "You remember what I told you to do?"

Finn's mind races. There might've been a million things Poe had told him to do. Somehow, one rises out of all of them: the eject function.

"Red button, pull the lever," Finn recites, and he can hear the thinly veiled panic in his voice.

"Yeah, that's it, buddy. No worries—standard ejection stuff," Poe says, and Finn can hear that he's trying to reassure him. "Listen," he says urgently, his voice raising a bit as something cracks and there's a whole new host of sounds, the TIE fighter starting to shake apart. "You slam that button as soon as you're ready, you hear?" Poe shouts, and then something that sounds important, sounds like, "Illuh—"

The console in front of Finn explodes, wiring going faulty as the ship fails, and his stomach drops out as the eject function fires automatically.


	4. Jakku

Finn hits the ground hard. He unfastens himself from the ejected seat and pulls himself to his feet. He's disoriented from the fall, trying to remember which direction the TIE fighter came down. Luckily, there's a vein of smoke just over a nearby dune, and that must be it. He heads off for it hastily.

It's _hot_. Like, _unbelievably  _so. Finn tries to power through, and unsurprisingly, the thought of Poe is a wonderful motivator. Oh kriff. _Poe_. Suddenly, the smoking wreckage he knows lies just over that dune doesn't seem like such a wonderful beacon anymore. Every second he spends trudging through the sand is another second that Poe's injuries could be steadily worsening.

"Poe!" Finn yells, hoping his new friend is awake to hear him. "Poe!" He dashes up to the wreckage, trying to keep a constant eye out for any sign of where Poe might have come down. As soon as he sees the ship, though, his heart plummets. He can see Poe's leather sleeve.

"Poe! I got you," Finn promises, and grabs the leather. It's a shock to his senses, just how he imagined it would feel from his dreams. He doesn't have time to think on it, though. Poe isn't in the jacket. Finn looks back into the TIE fighter. Poe's seat is intact in the wreck. "Poe!" he yells again.

Suddenly, the ship lurches in the sand, giving a great creak. Finn stumbles away, watching in horror. Not a few seconds later, the ship is swallowed by the sands. Finn shouts Poe's name again in vain as the last of the wreckage disappears.

Finn turns to look at the jacket in his hand. Just when he thinks things can't get any worse, the wreckage explodes under the sand, well and truly finished. Finn is left to wonder: where is Poe? His seat had been undeployed, but there was no body. Finn suddenly has a sickening thought of happening upon Poe's mangled corpse, battered from being thrown through the cracked transparisteel, and he has to fight hard not to lose any precious hydration by vomiting it up. He walks determinedly away from the crash site.

With every step, Finn feels the weight of his heartbreak grow heavier and heavier. He strips off his plasteel armor to compensate for that and the scorching heat. It's a familiar ache, one he recognizes from the times he'd woken mourning the death of a lover, except for two things. One, those were just dreams, not anything like the real life he's living now. And two, Poe hadn't been his lover. He'd hardly known the man. So why does this hurt so bad?

Poe had tried to say something to him as the ship had finally given up the ghost. Two sounds uttered next to each other, _Illuh_ — and then nothing. Poe had been talking to him about how to eject. He must've been telling Finn about something he'd do to ease the landing. _I'll, uh_... do something. Engage some sort of thruster or something. Finn doesn't know; he's not a pilot.

But he can't deny the small, feeble part of his heart that shifts the _L  _to the other sound. The part that says it was actually _I lo_ —.

 

===

 

Everything is dark.

Poe blinks a few times, making sure his eyes are really open, and yeah—still dark. His breath feels hot and close. Actually, everything feels hot. Hot, and sore. He wiggles his fingers and toes, blessed relief flowing through him at the confirmation that he can still feel them. He slowly starts to shift his limbs, and oh. He's draped in fabric, smothering across his skin, making him feel like he's in an oven.

Pushing himself to sit up, Poe swats the fabric away sluggishly. Dusk is revealed to him, an indigo sky stretching out over dunes, and dunes, and dunes...

Jakku, his mind supplies. He made it back to Jakku, but how? He looks down at the fabric he's worrying between his fingers. It's a parachute.

Memories rush back into Poe's tired mind. The TIE fighter, and the beautiful young stormtrooper he stole it with... Finn, that was his name. The name that Poe gave him, because he had no name of his own. Finn, who is... nowhere to be found.

Poe scans the surrounding area as he tries to wrestle himself out of his makeshift parachute harness. He remembers his seat getting jammed shortly after Finn had launched, and having to wrestle the component apart to get to the parachute inside. He hoped he'd be able to make use of it, and attempting something was certainly better than waiting for the inevitable fiery crash.

Finn had made it out okay, though. At the very least, he had seen that, right after he had said... something that he hopes had made a difference. He had tried, at least, and the best he can hope for is that Finn heard it and that it was okay. He also hopes that, providing Finn survives, it won't make things awkward—if they ever find each other again.

Poe finally strips out of the parachute cording and pulls himself to his feet. He discovers that he had tied one side of the parachute a good bit shorter than the other into his jury-rigged harness, causing it to tilt slightly. He must've caught a wind current and blown off course from the crash. He doesn't see any sign of Finn or the TIE fighter, and night is falling fast. The loss of Finn cuts, deeper than the cold temperature that's started to creep over him now that the claustrophobic warmth of the parachute is gone. He tries to cling to his optimism—after all, it's gotten him out of many a tight spot before. But as he picks a direction and starts off toward what he hopes will eventually be civilization, things don't feel like they're looking up.

Poe tries to tell himself not to be upset, that he's at least got a mission in front of him: to find BB-8. Losing Finn feels like he had held something equally important in his hands, though... Held it, and then lost it, and now all he can feel is the echoing hollowness in his figurative palms.

As Poe trudges over the sand, he's hit with the dream memories again, and he almost stumbles with despair. Feeling terribly small, alone in this vast, unfamiliar desert without even his jacket, all he can think of is dreaming of his lovers dying.

 

===

 

Poe stumbles into the shanty town around what feels like the middle of the night. His head is pounding, his legs ache from the shifting sand, and he's shivering from the cold. There's only one place that seems to still be awake at this hour, and judging by the look of it, it's just the sort of place to get something to drink.

Pushing through the doors, Poe surveys the small cantina quickly. Everyone seems to be well in their cups, and there's no sign of stark white plasteel armor anywhere. The noise level from the various conversations hardly dips as he walks in, and Poe can hear the shifting notes of some sort of music in the background of it all. He shuffles to the bar.

" _Water_ ," he begs. "Please. I'll pay," he adds, sensing that the bartender knows he's not from a planet on which water is so precious. He drops a couple credits on the bar as proof, and a large mug is clunked down in front of him. The water looks mostly clear, which is good enough for him, and he takes a deep drink before finding a small booth to collapse into.

Sitting feels so blessedly good. The air is warm and slightly spiced with something, and Poe feels the exhaustion setting into his bones. He nurses his water slowly, listening to the buzz of chatter around him, keeping his back cautiously to the wall. He can't really understand much of what's being said by the other patrons. There are plenty of alien dialects, sure, but a fair bit of it is in Basic. His mind is just too tired to be able to string together chunks of words, let alone come up with their meanings. Before long, his arm moves and the empty mug thunks onto the table in front of him. He stares dazedly at it, zoning out, eyelids growing heavy...

There's warm leather wrapped around his neck, but it's not from his jacket. It's thinner, closer, snug yet comfortable. He realizes it's a collar. His princess is getting married today, and there's a bittersweet feeling in his breast. Oh, how he loves her... Yet she's taking him with her to her new land, keeping him close to her. That has to mean something, doesn't it? He can hear her speaking to him, saying his name softly... _Nwakem, Nwakem_...

Poe startles awake, eyes snapping open. A couple of the patrons are missing since he must have closed his eyes, but there's no way to know otherwise how much time has passed. He'd pat himself down for his belongings, but he has none.

The low murmur of conversation hasn't changed much, but jerking awake has managed to divert more auxiliary power to Poe's brain, and he picks out a thread of Basic coming from the bar—someone chatting with the bartender...

"...crazy! I mean, I know Niima Outpost sees the most action of anywhere on the planet, but I've never seen anything like it. Swooped in out of nowhere!"

Poe's attention is certainly piqued. Who swooped in? There's a hammering in his chest that means he has an excellent idea of whom...

"Any 'troopers on the ground?" the bartender asks, and Poe pulls himself out of his seat. He walks casually over to the bar to buy another mug of water, trying not to draw attention that he's listening to the gossip.

"Couple," the patron says, eyeing Poe as he drops a few credits onto the bar. The bartender grunts and draws him a refill. "Mostly those freaky ships they've got, though, with the ion engines... Just come screaming down, make you shiver... That noise..."

TIE fighters. Poe gives the bartender a nod of thanks and heads back to his table, his ears straining for more.

"What the hell does the First Order want at Niima?" the bartender asks gruffly.

"Seemed pretty intent on blowing the place up," the patron grumbles. "Chasing after some scav girl, it looked like. Pair of kids, actually, but the other was clearly an off-worlder. They had a droid with them too, some tiny round thing..."

Poe feels like continuing to act casual is the hardest thing he's ever done. Beebee... That  _must  _be her. He has no idea who the girl is, but there's a chance the off-worlder could be Finn... Poe had told Finn about Beebee. Finn would help her. But with the First Order after them...

"Skipped off in an older Corellian freighter," the patron at the bar says before taking a long swig of his drink. "Crazy maneuvers... Smashed the whole place to bits before they raced off toward the Graveyard of Ships... Everything fairly well settled down after that. First Order went off after them, so apparently that's who they wanted. Can't imagine why, though..."

Poe feels the slightest relief at that. They made it off Jakku at least, and it sounds like the girl must be an alright pilot. He's got a plan at the very least, now. He's just gotta get off-world, get a Resistance pick-up somewhere, and hope news of Beebee makes it back to him... But for the time being, she's not here, and Poe isn't doing himself any favors by sticking around this dirtball.

A jingling draws Poe's attention and he looks up to see someone approaching. Their skin is scaled and evergreen, their form lithe and slender, and Poe knows if he were on his feet, he'd be completely dwarfed by them. The stranger is clad in rough fabric—a pair of fitted trousers and a loose shirt, a vest hanging from their shoulders. The jingling comes from a belt slung low around their hips, and more specifically the assortment of precise knives dangling from it. When they speak, their voice is coarse and skittering, seeming to vibrate and shimmer in Poe's ears with two or three different tones simultaneously.

"Rough night?"

"That's an understatement," Poe answers, his voice a croak. He clears it and sits up a little straighter. He leaves his response at that, waiting to see what the stranger will do.

"You look tired. Got a place to stay?" they ask, and the facial features and vocal tones are foreign enough to be completely impassive to Poe.

"Right where my ass is parked," he answers with the slightest grin.

"Not a very long-term situation." The stranger shifts their head slightly.

"Not looking to make it long-term," Poe argues. After a few moments, he decides to offer up a bit more. Nothing risked, nothing gained, after all. "I'm looking to get off-world as soon as possible. My transport plans fell through."

"Well," the stranger says, with something that Poe hopes is a grin curling over their features. "We might be in a position to help each other out. How far are you looking to go?"

Poe shifts. He hasn't been able to quite pinpoint what he thinks they're asking for in terms of payment, but he has an inkling. He looks them up and down appraisingly, buying him some time as he puzzles out the nearest place he can get a Resistance pick-up.

"Can you get me to Tzchur Vessa?" That should be far enough to not arouse suspicion, yet near enough to not be an exorbitant request. The stranger seems to look Poe over as well as they consider.

"I think that can be arranged."

Poe grins and leans forward onto his elbows on the table. "Let me buy you a drink."

 

===

 

Finn's knee bounces anxiously as he stares hard into middle space. Perhaps being left alone with his thoughts wasn't the smartest idea he'd ever had. Distraction would've been better. Distraction had worked when he had lost Poe. But now, having also lost Rey, the anxiety seems too much for even distraction to remedy. He flicks back through the memories of the past few days instead.

Everything comes back to Rey. Gorgeous, strong, stunning Rey, who is also rightly terrifying in her intensity. Things had taken a while to settle with her, especially around the whirlwind that was Niima Outpost... But Finn doesn't begrudge her her distrust. He can't imagine it had been easy, growing up alone in a shady type of place like Jakku. Rey had given Finn the distraction he needed after losing Poe.

Rey had been... strikingly beautiful, and completely disarming. Finn had found himself lying about being a member of the Resistance without first wondering how he was going to pull that off—seeing as she could speak to the droid who belonged to an _actual Resistance member_. But if it would allow him to stay with Rey, and to soothe the pain of losing Poe, he'd certainly allow her to distract him.

Finn realizes now that he probably only survived the stress of that time by having his days suddenly jam-packed with adrenaline again, all of which stemmed directly from Rey and BB-8. There's nothing that gets a heart rate up quite like running from explosions.

What a little spitfire that droid turned out to be, too. BB-8 is a challenge in her own right. Extremely skeptical of Finn at first, it had taken quite a bit for Finn to feel like Beebee was on his side. He supposes, though, that he can't be too critical of her opinions of him. Finn, for what it's worth, had been trying not to do any more harm, but he thinks Beebee just couldn't abide that alone. It appears she's so focused on her mission, so loyal to Poe, that Finn's brand of neutrality had been almost offensive to her and her mission.

Finn honestly doesn't blame her. On Takodana, he had been planning to jet off to the Outer Rim and just disappear into safe, comfortable anonymity. Finn supposes he never really realized how Beebee must have seen that. There he was, in her best friend's jacket, about to leave instead of helping out the cause, making it look like a hit-and-run. Finn only realizes this now, though. At the time, he had been so sure that he was making the best choice, for his and everyone else's safety.

How foolish he had been to think he could just leave Rey behind.

Finn had known, the moment he saw Rey, limp in Kylo Ren's arms, being carried onto his ship. Finn drops his head into his hands, regret washing over him. Why had he ever left her side? In that moment, she was the person he'd known for the longest in the whole galaxy (that he still wanted to be around, at least) and he had given that up. He had walked out with two complete strangers, without a care in the world, thinking he was doing something right. And now all he can do is hope that she's okay, that he'll be able to get to her in time.

Yet, through all the pain, there's a tiny, golden thread of hope.

The Resistance had come to Takodana to fight the First Order attackers, and that felt like joy in its own right. Watching the X-Wings soar over his head, Finn could hardly believe his eyes. In an instant, even amidst the chaos around him, something had tugged in his chest. Something that felt remarkably like memory flashed through his mind.

A cocky young pilot climbing out of a small ship, taking their helmet off, straightening their leather vest. A firm handshake, a warmth blooming in his stomach. The name Tybr. The anxiety of waiting for someone to come home. Watching out the windows of some spaceport and seeing that skillful flying, the ship cutting through the vacuum like a knife...

Finn had recognized that same flying in the air above him on Takodana. But instead of Tybr, the name that comes to mind is _Poe_. He _knows  _it's Poe. There's something undeniable about the way that ship had moved. He almost feels guilty at his surety that it's Poe, guilty that he supposes he had left Poe out in the desert on Jakku, but he tries not to let it cloud his joy. Poe was there, it _had  _to have been him, and there's nothing that will keep them apart now. Not if he has any say in the matter.

Now if only he can get Rey back, too.


	5. Reunion

Poe climbs down from his X-Wing and strips off his helmet and gloves, passing them to one of the cadets who will bring the craft into the hangar. He runs a hand through his hair, the adrenaline finally starting to bleed off. He has to go debrief. The General will be wanting to know what had—

A familiar squeal cuts through the commotion on the tarmac, and Poe looks up to see BB-8 positively sprinting at him.

"Beebee-Ate, my buddy!" A huge wave of relief crashes over him, and he jogs over and drops to one knee as she spins to a stop, wobbling excitedly and chattering. "Oh, it's so good to see you..."

Poe is all set to ask Beebee if she's okay, if she ran into any trouble, if she still has the map, until she _bweep s_ excitedly and it all wipes from Poe's mind. He must've heard that wrong.

"Finn saved you?" Poe asks. Beebee chirps. "Where is he?" In reply, she makes a wobbly turn back to whence she came, and Poe's head snaps up.

"Poe?"

Poe stands, his mouth hanging open. There he is. That's him, running toward Poe with a sort of disbelief. He takes a tentative step forward and starts chuckling. "Oh, no..."

"Poe Dameron! You're alive!"

He's running for Finn before he can even process the words.

" _Buddy!_  So are you!"

Their chests collide and Poe feels Finn's arms go tight around him. He returns the embrace, feeling his hands slap against Finn's back, desperate to feel him. He might be shaking. It's probably just the adrenaline. But it might be Finn— _Finn_ , warm and solid and definitely  _not  _dead in the wastelands of Jakku. Finn, who not only survived but somehow found BB-8 and helped her, along with a Rey that Beebee had mentioned briefly. Finn, who had worked so hard to return Beebee to the Resistance.

"What happened?" Finn asks as they reluctantly pull apart.

"What happened?" Poe echoes. "I got thrown from the crash. I woke up at night—no you, no ship, nothing," he says frantically, as if he has to get everything out right in this moment. As if they'll be torn apart again. "Beebee-Ate says that you saved her."

"No no no, it wasn't just me," Finn tries to argue, but that doesn't matter to Poe.

"You _completed my mission_ , Finn," Poe insists, and he's about to continue when his eyes drop to Finn's shoulders. "...That's my jacket."

"Oh," Finn says softly, immediately starting to remove it.

In a flash, Poe remembers receiving that jacket. It had been given to him by the General herself when he joined the Resistance. She had known his mother, she said, and it was only fitting to bestow a welcoming gift upon the brilliantly talented man he'd become. He'd worn that jacket nearly continuously since then, guarding it with his life on many occasions. Honestly, the only thing that had overshadowed losing it on Jakku was losing Finn. But he hadn't lost Finn. Finn is right here, right in front of him, tangible and nearly glowing, and  _taking his jacket off_ —

"No no no no," Poe protests, grabbing the lapel of the jacket and tugging it back into place. He stares earnestly at Finn's face as he says, "Keep it. It suits you."

Honestly, it does. The supple leather hugs his shoulders and biceps, just the right length in the arms, Finn's broad chest pushing the front apart and letting it hang just _perfectly_. And Finn looks so _good  _in leather, the caramel color contrasting his skin so nicely... Poe can't help the way he bites his lip, eyes hooded. He claps Finn on the shoulder.

"You're a good man, Finn."

 

===

 

"Poe...  I need your help," Finn says, quiet but urgent. Poe is on Finn's side in an instant. "It's Rey—the girl who helped me escape Jakku, who rescued BB-8. The pilot. She's been captured by the First Order. She'll be at their base, the very same that just destroyed the Hosnian System. Poe, we need to _save her_ ," Finn insists.

"Alright, buddy, hold on. There's someone you've gotta meet, and I think she'll hear you out." Poe gives Finn a small smile, grim though it is, and starts off toward a doorway that Finn can only assume leads into the subterranean base. "Everyone saw what they did to the Hosnian system," Poe says. "They'll be holding a briefing soon, I don't doubt it. General Organa will want you there. You'll have inside information that will be useful, even if it feels unimportant to you."

"Are you sure?" Finn asks, eyeing all the wary stares people are giving him as he passes them, trailing after Poe like some good friend of his they've never seen.

"Trust me," Poe assures him. "Anyone who has a problem with you can kiss the business end of my blaster." The words are almost a growl, and Finn swallows his protests. They descend a flight of stairs, into a bustling command room. Poe leads him across to a small group of people.

"General Organa," Poe greets. "I'm sorry to interrupt. This is Finn. He needs to talk to you."

Finn swallows hard as General Organa turns her gaze on him.

"And I need to talk to him." The General reaches out to take Finn's hands in her own. It's such a shocking gesture that Finn is stunned into silence. "That was _incredibly  _brave what you did—renouncing the First Order, saving this man's life..." She glances at Poe.

"Thank you, ma'am, but a friend of mine was taken prisoner," Finn says. He can't forget. He needs to save Rey. He might regret the informality of the request later, but truth be told, probably not...

General Organa is not as intimidating to speak to as Finn would have thought. He remembers catching a glimpse of her on Takodana and having the shocking realization that she looked much kinder than the First Order propaganda made her out to be. Even here, all hardened determination with an edge of healthy fear, the sort that comes from trying to save the lives of thousands of people at once, the first word that comes to Finn's mind is still kind.

"Han told me about the girl," General Organa says. "I'm sorry..." Finn is touched by how sincere she sounds, but the feeling is cut short when Poe speaks up.

"Finn's familiar with the weapon that destroyed the Hosnian system. He worked on the base," Poe informs the General.

After this, it's all business again. Finn speaks quickly and efficiently with the General, and it's clear that immediate action needs to be taken. Finn agrees to provide all the information he has, and Poe accompanies him into a meeting with several Resistance strategists.

Before long, however, they get word that the report from a reconnaissance run on Starkiller Base has come in, the pilots returned from their mission. Finn's briefing flows right into a general meeting, and Finn sticks close to Poe's side as everyone hurries into the map room.

The briefing is short and to the point. Poe unwaveringly shows his support and trust of Finn in the face of any who might doubt him, making a bright flare of hope burn in Finn's chest. He can have a life here, righting the wrongs of the First Order and... maybe, just maybe, with _Poe_.

A hush falls over the room as an aide brings word that the superweapon on Starkiller Base is now aimed at D'Qar. The pressure in the room ratchets up and a plan starts to form. They don't have much time. Finn tries to concentrate on everything, even the parts that won't involve him directly, but his eyes are repeatedly drawn to Poe's face. He looks at Poe's soft eyes and strong jaw, lit from the holoprojector. He hears Poe talking about the strike they'll make on the thermal oscillator Finn had mentioned, trying to be confident in him, but all it sounds like is another chance Finn will lose him.

Before he knows it, the meeting is adjourned and everyone hurries off to their stations. As the room drains slowly, Poe grips the edge of the desk, looking very much like he has something to say. Finn waits, awkwardly half-turned to leave.

"We should get to our stations," Finn says after a few long seconds. Poe pauses a moment longer, and then nods. He turns and brushes past Finn.

"I'll meet you on the tarmac," Poe says quietly.

Finn hastens after Poe as he exits the room. Everything feels like it's happening too fast, and then Poe is gone, jogging around the corner toward the hangar where the other pilots will be suiting up. He had felt Poe's eyes on him during the meeting, felt the tension in his body. Is Poe feeling the same thing Finn is starting to feel himself? There's attraction, sure. Finn has felt it in the weight of Poe's stare, the subtle shifts of his body...

But Finn knows there's more than that on his own end. There's a feeling like Poe is  _everything_ , like there's something cosmic working to bring them together again and again and again and again... He realizes with a start that this is only their first reunion, and yet... And yet he's  _so sure_  they've united and reunited more times than he can count, his head spinning with how well he knows Poe, but he's only known him for _a few hours_...

Finn is startled out of his thoughts as he stumbles onto the tarmac. There's so many people, in such disorganization, but the crowd seems to move as one chaotic organism, with everyone ducking in and out and carrying out the last-minute things they need to do before the attack. It's such a stark contrast to the orderly marching formations he's used to, he almost has to laugh.

Finn locates the _Falcon_ easily across the sea of people harrying around. Someone shoves a blaster rifle into his hands and he looks down at it. They're doing this. They're gonna go shut down the base, and they're gonna save Rey— _he's  _gonna save Rey. He's gonna go back to his old oppressors and _stick it to them so hard_.

Suddenly, he sees Poe coming around from under his X-Wing. Poe strides toward Finn purposefully, and his gaze is so intense that Finn is almost frozen. Poe stares right into his eyes, and he claps Finn on the shoulder as he walks past. It goes through him like an electric shock, and Finn has to turn to keep watching Poe as he goes, holding the eye contact for as long as he possibly can.

 

===

 

Poe keeps his eyes on Finn's until it's too much, and he has to face forward again as he heads purposefully to check that his squadron is all ready to go. Finn's expression burns in his eyes, all surprise and hope, so open...

"Everything alright, boss?" Snap asks as he hands a tool off to a droid and runs a last appraising look over his engine.

"Fine," Poe says, a little terse. "All systems go?"

"Roger that," Snap confirms with a lazy little salute. "Just say the word."

"Alright." Poe nods shortly and gives a shrill whistle. "Red Squad, Blue Squad, it's go time!" Poe shouts and circles back to his ship.

Poe climbs efficiently into his X-Wing, helmet in hand, and tugs the transparisteel hatch shut after him, sealing himself into obscurity. He presses the heels of his palms into his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he lifts his head, he can still see Finn across the tarmac, busy loading explosives into the _Falcon_.

"Kriff," Poe hisses, smacking his fist against the edge of the console. "I love you, Finn. Be safe," he whispers.

He feels foolish. Finn can't hear him, and he _really  _needs to stop making a habit out of telling Finn he loves him, especially at inopportune moments. But this feels as important as it did when the TIE fighter was spiraling to its destruction. Maybe it was his words that saved them from the crash. Maybe they'll help again. He can't take any risks.

His chest feels tight as he finally watches Finn disappear into the _Falcon_. He tugs his helmet on, flips open the commlink, and immerses himself in his job. The sooner they get this done, the better. Time is of the essence.

"Red Squad, Blue Squad, this is Black Leader. All wings check in."

Poe does his last minute checks on his controls as each of his pilots reports over the comm. As per usual, Jess is last.

"Blue Three, checking in," she chirps. "Did you tell him?"

"All wings prepare engines for take-off," Poe orders, firmly ignoring the question.

The jump to Starkiller Base is quick and easy, and they hang in space for several long, tense minutes, waiting for the go-ahead. Once they have the green-light on the shields being lowered, there's no time to think about anything else. They fly in, high and tight, and Poe takes a steadying breath.

"Almost in range... Hit the target, dead center, as many times as we can get," he instructs.

Poe dives for the thermal oscillator, his squads strafing after him. His mouth and hands are running on adrenaline and muscle memory. Though he's focused on the task at hand, his thoughts keep whirling back around to Finn. Where is he? Is he safe? Is he even still _alive?_ He hopes he'd be able to feel it if he weren't, but then maybe that thought is worse... He shakes it off as the TIE fighters flood the sky.

"We've got a lot of company!" he calls over the comm.

The dogfight that ensues is manageable. It's familiar. Poe tries to blast as many TIE fighters as he can while keeping an eye out for an opening down on the surface below. Finally, he sees his window, and leads the squadrons down, sailing into the trenches. It's tight, and he can see his squad taking fire.

"Watch out!" Jess shouts, and Poe catches sight of one of their ships exploding out of the corner of his eye. Frantically, he tries to come up with a plan.

 

===

 

Finn didn't think he could harbor any more ill will toward Kylo Ren. Finn had thought that maybe— _maybe_ —years of imprisonment and conditioning had given him enough ammunition to take the man down. But the murder of Han Solo had proved that wrong, in a blinding flash of sorrow and rage. _And_ , as if that hadn't been enough, watching Rey's body hit the tree with a sickening _thud  _certainly had certainly thrown a match into the flammable pyre of righteous hatred in his chest. Even before Kylo Ren's roar of _Traitor!_ , Finn knows there's only one thing to do: fight.

The lightsaber hums to life in Finn's hands before he even realizes exactly _how  _he plans to fight. Kylo Ren's unstable red saber is increasingly more terrifying than it was when he was a stormtrooper. Now, faced head-on by it, Finn steels himself. This is the only choice he has. He can fight, like an honorable man, or he can take flight, and be seized by the Force and cut down anyways. He sets his jaw and throws himself into the battle.

It's over far too soon. The cold snow hits his face, but it barely registers, overpowered by the _searing, all-encompassing pain_  arcing up his back. There are a few agonizing seconds of consciousness, all sirens blaring in his nervous system, before they're overridden by a vivid memory.

He's going to meet with Kadri for lunch. He meets with Kadri for lunch every day. It had started so easily, just a couple words... _To praepo ni aesht na gehm_ , Kadri had said. And he did—he did need a meal. The construction work he does is so grueling, and Kadri is so kind to offer him food... He holds such a fondness for Kadri, and not just for the meals, but for everything that came along after—the stolen kisses, the sweat-soaked sheets, the drag of his skin, the graze of his beard... Just looking into his eyes.

Those eyes.

_Those are Poe's eyes._

There's a warning shout above him and he has just enough time to look up for the source when the sun blots out, eclipsed by a limestone block. He feels pressure, a brief bloom of pain, a snap, and nothing.

_I'm sorry, Poe,_  he gasps in his mind, the cold snow seeping into his clothing as the world fuzzes out, coming back into the now from the memory just in time to pass out. _ I love you... I'm so sorry..._

 

===

 

Poe feels his heart clench, and it must be the adrenaline. He grits his teeth, eyes darting for any sort of opportunity... He's gonna have one shot, one _insane  _shot. _Just like Luke Skywalker ,_ he thinks. _Just like the Death Star._

"All teams—pull up and cover me!" Poe shouts. It's crazy, but it just might work.

Just when he thinks it's too slim a chance, his opportunity presents itself—a crack in the hull of the oscillator. Just like that run through the caves on the mission to find Lor San Tekka. Poe lets out a tense breath. He can do this. He's done it before.

Poe collapses his S-foils from attack position and pulls hard astarboard, into a 90 degree spin, bringing him parallel with the opening. Jaw clenched, huffing with adrenaline, he white-knuckles it through the hull. Inside, without pausing to celebrate, he flies a tight circuit of the oscillator, eyes on the prize. He slams several volleys of explosives into the machinery, all the way around the structure.

Poe has the fleeting thought as he watches the destruction that at least if he doesn't make it out of this alive, he's done some serious damage. Luckily, as he completes his full circuit, he finds an opening through the hull and swoops right the hell out of there with the blast hot on his tail.

Poe lets out a whoop of relief, overcome with laughter, feeling light-headed from the adrenaline. Spiraling up into the sky, the rest of his squadron—or what's left of it—falls in behind him. He can feel the percussive explosions from the planet below, buffeting against the hull of his ship. Suddenly, his mind flashes back to Finn, and he's seized with a moment of terror. Did he get off the planet yet?

Poe catches sight of the _Falcon_ rising up out of the forest nearby and sails after it, a leap of hope in his chest.

"All teams, I got eyes on 'em," Poe says, a grin breaking over his face.

Either Finn is aboard the _Falcon  _or he isn't. There's no way to know, and nothing to do about it. Poe just has to hope. Starkiller Base implodes behind them as they rocket away from the destruction. Poe hears Snap cheer over the commlink.

"Our job's done here," Poe says, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice, trying to keep that statement proud instead of terrified. "Let's go home."

 

===

 

Poe feels his landing gear hit the tarmac and he can't stay in his cockpit a moment longer. Trembling and sweating with anxiety, he forces himself to taxi slowly—being reprimanded will only make this feeling worse. He counts his breaths as he sees the _Falcon  _has already landed.

As soon as he's parked, he's throwing off his harness and shoving open the cockpit. He climbs hastily down onto the duracrete, dropping his helmet and shedding his gloves right there. The _Millennium Falcon_ 's boarding ramp is down now, and her crew is disembarking. Chewbacca is easy to spot, of course, but Poe—

Oh stars above. That's Finn.

Poe runs forward, his heart in his throat. He sees a transport approaching, with a handful of medical staff aboard. Chewbacca makes an apologetic, mournful sort of noise, and Poe tries to ignore it, just like he's trying to ignore his panic. The medics start to load Finn onto the transport.

"Easy, easy—he's hurt!" Poe hears the words come from one of the medics, but they sound distant. He's trying to watch for any signs of life. To his relief, another medic adds, "We've got a heartbeat!"

In Finn's face is suddenly every face he's seen in his dreams. Hadwin and Sah'ri, Ishtel and Aestin... He feels loss cut him to the quick, digging his nails into his palm at the bitterness in the back of his mouth. All this time, Finn was _his_... and he didn't even know it.

It's mere seconds before the medics start off toward the medwing. Without hesitation, Poe jogs along, wrapping his hand around Finn's arm to keep himself grounded.


	6. Recovery

"Ready the bacta tank," Dr. Kalonia instructs one of the medics as they reach the medwing. "We'll have to cut the clothing away."

"Wait—" Poe nearly yelps, reaching out for Finn's sleeve. Kalonia levels an impatient gaze on him, as if she knows that _he  _knows every second is precious. "...The jacket," Poe says lamely. He sounds _miserable_. Kalonia's eyes soften and she sighs.

"Turn him on his side," she says, and the medics comply, rolling him carefully.

Poe wishes he'd remembered to look away.

The wound is raw and oozing, though at least the fiery blade cauterized it enough so as to prevent him from bleeding out on the return trip. Still, it's not a pretty sight. Poe is reasonably sure those are ribs and vertebrae. He feels his stomach turn and he looks away sharply.

"It'll require significant repairs anyways," Kalonia mumbles, almost an excuse for the way she cuts the jacket away—from top of the charred lightsaber incision up through the collar, and from the end of the destruction through the bottom edge of the jacket. "Gently, now..." They roll him onto his back again, and Poe turns to watch as they carefully work each half of the jacket from Finn's arms. The halves are placed in Poe's own arms.

Poe watches numbly as they quickly and methodically cut Finn's clothing from him. They leave him in what Poe assumes must be his standard-issue undergarments. Poe can't even find the urge to look away for Finn's modesty. He doesn't care about checking him out right now, anyways. He just needs to be sure Finn is _okay_.

The medics secure the harness around Finn's chest and shoulders, fit the regulator over his mouth, and lift him, carefully supporting his spine. Poe squeezes the leather between his hands as he watches them maneuver Finn into the tank. Finn's legs ease into the viscous slime and he sinks slowly. Poe lets out a shuddery breath. Now all there is to do is wait.

 

===

 

Waiting is broken by a shrill string of Binary echoing up the hallway to the medwing. BB-8 comes squealing into the room, beeping a mile a minute about the map, arousing Poe's curiosity enough to get him to sit up straight in his chair.

"Slow down, buddy... What about the map?" Poe listens to the frantic noises for a moment. "Artoo? Really?" He runs a hand through his hair. "After all this time..."

Poe looks back at the tank, watching Finn in the eerie glow. Beebee is chattering on about needing Poe to come with, so they can see the map _together_ , and Poe hesitates for a long moment. After a pause, a more gentle coo from Beebee reminds him that Finn still has _hours  _in the tank... He won't notice if Poe slips off, _just  _this once, just for something _this important_...

Poe follows Beebee to the map room. Artoo is indeed awake again, and Poe can just tell they're going to become too close of friends, Artoo and Beebee—thick as thieves.

Artoo displays the larger piece of the map, and Poe looks on in awe with the small group gathered there. So much space that he's never flown through... And the only thing he can think of is that he wishes Finn were here to see this. Finn has no doubt been to so fewer places than Poe has... Poe wants to change that. He wants to show Finn absolutely everywhere.

Beebee rolls over to Poe, chirping quietly, and he breaks out of his daydreaming to crouch down to her level.

"Yeah. Alright, buddy. Hold on." Poe retrieves the map piece out of the main computer and gives it back to Beebee, watching as she rolls into place and projects her piece right into the gap in Artoo's.

Suddenly, everything falls into place. All of the heartache, the losses, the hard-fought battles... All over this tiny chunk of a map... They all culminate into this, and Poe feels an immense welling of hope. He can hear it in the General's voice as she says her brother's name. He can't wait to tell Finn.

Shortly after, Poe excuses himself to return back to the medwing.

 

===

 

"You know you have to eat something."

Poe jumps at the voice, turning to see Jess at the doorway, BB-8 at her heels. Jess has a sympathetic look on her face. Poe narrows his eyes at Beebee, the little snitch. He rubs a hand over his face and sighs.

"I'm fine. I'm not—"

"Don't tell me you're not hungry, Dameron," she argues. "I _worry  _about you. When was the last time you ate?"

"I'm _not hungry_ , Testor," Poe insists. "Besides, I had a—"

"No, you didn't. Don't lie to me." Jess's voice is firm. "Y'know what you had? You had a  _very  _meager breakfast _before Takodana_." Poe blinks at her. "Yeah, that's right. You ate breakfast before we got the call, stuffed the last of your food in your mouth, and went to fight. Then, you came back, hopped out of your ship, found your boyfriend—"

"He's not my boyfriend," Poe says quietly.

"—and ran off to the debrief. _Then_ , you hopped _back  _in your ship, zipped off to Starkiller, saved the day, came back, found your boyfriend again and saw him to safety."

"He's not my _boyfriend_ ," Poe repeats, with a bit more life.

" _And then_ ," Jess charges on, "I come to find you here! With _him!_ After you've _already  _been dismissed to go eat _something_ , and _please_ , for the love of the Maker, _take a shower_. You smell like a bantha." Beebee _bweeps  _in agreement.

Poe is silent for a long moment. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Mother of Kwaf!" Jess shouts. She stalks in and grabs Poe up by the collar. "I love you. You know I do. But if you don't get your scruffy-looking ass into a 'fresher, I'm gonna bribe BB-8 to hack into the system and ground you for a standard quarter." This gets a feisty approval from Beebee.

Poe grumbles as he shuffles out of the medwing and back toward his quarters. He takes the remnants of the jacket with him to stash in his room for safekeeping.

 

===

 

"What did I _just_ tell you?" Jess says coolly as Poe rounds the corner into the medwing, freshly showered. She's parked in his chair from earlier, BB-8 still by her side.

" _Why are you still here?_ " Poe asks incredulously.

"Why are you so hell-bent on coming back here? You know there's nothing you can do for him now except wait. I _guarantee  _they will notify you when they decant him, and even then, you know he's gonna sleep for at least a solid day," Jess reminds him.

"Why are _you  _so hell-bent on undermining my authority?" Poe tries weakly. Jess merely raises her eyebrows, and then sighs softly.

"Go eat, Commander," she says, more kindly. "I'm here because you apparently think he needs someone to watch over him."

Poe stands in the doorway, touched, until Beebee chases him out with her taser.

 

===

 

Poe is dozing in the chair when a sharp stick jolts him awake.

"Ow, what the pfassk?" he hisses, seeing BB-8 roll away from him, a needle clutched in one of her arms. She passes it to a med-droid that has just entered the room. It accepts the needle into its evaluation cache for processing.

"Sample shows decreased leptin and increased ghrelin, as well as elevated cortisol levels," the med-droid recites. "Diagnosis: sleep deprivation. The current time is twenty-three fifty-three standard-hours. Please report to your quarters and commence nightly ritual for restful sleep."

"I'm fine," Poe insists, though while rubbing his eyes. He turns to Beebee and hisses, "Traitor."

"Sample shows—"

"Yeah, yeah, the sample," Poe dismisses, waving his hand around. "Listen, I'm _fine_. I'll stay here."

"Please report—"

"Don't you have something better to do right now?" Poe growls. The droid seems to consider this for a moment.

"The current time is—"

"Your bedside manner is atrocious." Poe heaves himself out of the chair and leaves, just because he doesn't think he can take one more second of that grating mechanical voice. Beebee follows along anxiously.

 

===

 

Poe sleeps fitfully.

In his dream, he sees awnings along a twisting alley and scarves of rich silk. One such scarf is wrapped around his head, his long, dark hair flowing from under it to sway against his back, brushing the leather top he wears. The city atmosphere spins and whirls around him, and he finds himself in an alleyway.

Even in sleep, Poe feels the sickening pain that comes from knuckles on a cheekbone. The air rushes out of him but he still tries to plead, his voice high and feminine to his ears. He realizes then the sharp, gut-turning fear—he remembers this dream. He knows now that it's _not_ a dream. He _remembers_ being a woman, a woman wandering alone through a busy city, being grabbed...

There's a shout from the mouth of the alley and the aggressors freeze, then scramble away down the far passageway. Slumping against the wall, Poe watches the woman's savior approach. He asks her name; she says _Mhadj_ , and he returns, _Ishtel_.

_Igyr suz swcyn qadut_ , he says kindly. _Mehn swcyn qadut_ , she sighs. And buy her a drink he does.

The way he touches her is incredible, skilled and soft, tender, so careful... He sinks into her with a reverence such as she's never felt. She feels _whole_ , utterly completed by him, and willingly falls apart under his every touch, again and again...

Poe wakes in a sweat, his heart pounding, his sleep pants slick and sticky. He shuts his eyes again and catches his breath. He knows how this one ends. She just _leaves_. Well he's  _not  _going to leave Finn. He rolls out of bed, stripping out of his soiled pajamas on his way to the 'fresher.

 

===

 

"Commander Dameron," the med-droid greets in an unfriendly tone. "It has been four standard-hours and thirty seven standard-minutes since you were dismissed to—"

"I slept," Poe says firmly, settling back into his chair, this time with a datapad. He has a veritable stack of reports to do from the last few days.

BB-8 makes a mournful noise at the med-droid. The droid considers this and seems to sense the futility in another attempt to dismiss him.

"Fresh caf can be made available," it says instead.

"Two sugars," Poe tells Beebee. If she's going to make life difficult for him, she can fetch his caf.

 

===

 

"Poe..."

Setting his datapad aside carefully, Poe looks up to see General Organa in the doorway. Her hair hangs in loose, draping braids, falling from and pinned back up to the crown of her head, and she's in civvies, a very rare sight indeed. He shifts to push himself up out of the chair, but she holds up a hand.

"Please, there's no need." The General steps into the room and the door swishes shut behind her. "I came as soon as I saw you had submitted your reports on time," she says by way of explanation. Poe frowns.

"...Is that sarcasm, sir? Were they late? Because I can assure you that—"

"Poe," she says gently, stalling his words. The way she looks at him is so patient, so compassionate, Poe can't do anything but swallow. "Do you remember when we first met?"

"I do," he says questioningly. It's an odd thing to ask.

"You were so passionate for the cause," she recalls. "So ready to do _anything  _to quash the First Order. So much so, in fact, that you deliberately disobeyed your New Republic orders. Do you remember that?"

"I do," Poe repeats. He wonders where this is going.

"This is a time of grieving, Poe," the General murmurs. No, not the General—Leia. Not the wise and firm tactician he has come to know, but Leia Organa, the young, diplomatic, golden-hearted woman who fell in love with a smuggler. Leia Organa, who just lost her lover.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Poe whispers. He can't meet her eyes. He was so worried about the _prospect  _of losing Finn, he never took the time to convey his sympathy to her over the man she _actually  _lost.

"I'm not here to seek condolences, Poe," Leia says gently, setting a hand briefly on his head. "I wonder where that man is who was so eager to buck protocol when it came to a cause he believed in. I don't see him here today. Instead, I received all of your reports _ahead  _of schedule."

Poe looks at his hands. He doesn't say a word.

"I'm worried that whoever this is won't adequately mourn his losses, or appreciate the things he has left. That whoever this is won't fight for what he believes in. Because I know," Leia says quietly. "I know, Poe. I knew the moment you told me about him." She nods toward the bacta tank. "But I also know that he's strong. He's recovering."

"I don't want him to wake up alone," Poe whispers.

"You don't have to leave him alone. But don't pretend you're not hurting. Give yourself time to heal. Be gentle with yourself, Poe. You're one of a kind, if you haven't noticed." Poe looks up to see her smiling warmly down at him. He swallows.

"Thank you, s— ...Thank you," he says simply. Leia lays a hand on his shoulder and looks down at him quietly for a long moment.

"Dr. Kalonia tells me he has a matter of hours left in the tank," she says, her voice sounding more businesslike now. "I'm not sure if you've heard from the others, but we're moving base."

"Makes sense," Poe mumbles, matter of fact, watching the tank. "The First Order knows our whereabouts now, and we've dealt them a sizeable blow. Won't take long for them to mount another attack."

"Precisely," Leia agrees. "There's a moon in the Qeelan system, Yndiri II, that should suit our needs. Transport of our goods and some machinery has already begun, and I want you and Finn to be on a ship as soon as he's asleep after decanting."

Poe looks up at Leia in alarm. "That soon? But... surely we can wait for him to wake up?"

"He'll be perfectly safe traveling while he sleeps off the bacta," Leia reasons. "And the sooner you're out of here, the safer you both will be, since I see no point in trying to remove you from his bedside," she says with a small smile. "There will be a small shuttle ready to leave around the time that Finn is estimated to be decanted. Just comm them, and they'll be ready to take you both out to Yndiri II. You'll be there before he wakes."

 

===

 

The med-droid leaves him alone after that, seemingly sensing the General's approval of Poe's presence.

Poe reads through X-Wing engine mods on his datapad, tirelessly keeping notes for parts to acquire. BB-8 comes and goes, apparently busy with Snap in the hangar, doing repairs from the Starkiller battle. Poe's currently working through an old A-Wing engine manual, wondering if he can mod anything to replicate some of his favorite features about his mom's old ship in Black One, when the tank starts bubbling. Poe looks up and Finn is blinking blearily and breathing more purposefully through the regulator. Poe checks the time—he's been in the tank for twenty-two hours.

Right on cue, the med-droid wheels in and connects to the computer, running through the protocol to have him lifted from the tank. Poe clambers to his feet.

"Please remain seated, Commander Dameron," the droid instructs.

"But he's awake!"

"Patient Finn is conscious only as an indication that he has completed the healing process," the droid informs him. "He must rest as soon as possible. Distracting the patient with conversation will only delay the recovery process."

Poe sighs heavily. Of course the droid is right.

"Please clear the room so the patient may be cleaned and dressed. You will be retrieved when the patient has commenced sleeping again."

"Alright, alright..." Poe grabs his datapad and half-empty cup of caf and exits the room. He heads to the nearest comm suite to alert the shuttle crew that he and Finn will be ready to leave shortly.

 

===

 

When Poe is called back in by the med-droid, Finn is asleep on a comfy-looking levistretcher.

"Patient Finn is ready for transport to Yndiri II," the droid informs Poe. "I must see to dismantling and packing the medical equipment for transport. You will be an adequate supervisor for the patient until you reach Yndiri II."

"Adequate? Aw, you're going soft on me," Poe says teasingly to the droid.

"There is no part of my framework which is soft—"

"Relax, buddy, it was a joke," Poe mumbles. Droids are a lot cuter when they don't speak Basic. Luckily, the droid leaves, and Poe crosses to the levistretcher.

Finn is fast asleep on his back. His skin is smooth and healthy, his cheeks soft and full, no bags under his eyes. He's been scrubbed clean, probably in the sonic shower, and dressed in a soft white tunic. Poe feels a wave of gratitude crash over him.

"You're absolutely incredible," Poe whispers, his voice breaking slightly. "How many times have you cheated the odds now? You just keep coming back to me... That's new. You've never done that before." Poe pauses. "Well, I suppose, in a way you have, but... never twice in the same lifetime." He slips his hand carefully into Finn's, feeling the living warmth.

There's a soft knock at the door. Poe looks up to see Rey there, dressed in a different outfit than he'd last seen her in, when he met her for the first time. She steps in, her boots soft on the duracrete floor. Poe keeps his hand in Finn's.

"Poe," she greets quietly, sounding pleased to see him at Finn's side.

"Hello, Rey," he returns with a smile.

Rey walks over to Finn's levistretcher, across from Poe. She looks down at him, and Poe can't help but think how _strong  _she looks, her face impassive in all but the eyes as she watches Finn sleep. Her eyes give her away, though, and Poe can see how deeply she cares for Finn.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to visit him while he was still in bacta," Rey says as she lays a hand on the front of Finn's shoulder. "We've been very busy making a few minor repairs to the _Falcon_ and preparing for the trip."

"Beebee is still very proud of herself for completing the map," Poe laughs.

"She should be," Rey says with a chuckle. "You gave her a very important job, and she pulled it off. But it means I have to leave soon... And I'm sorry I won't be here to see him wake up." Rey runs a hand over Finn's forehead, looking tenderly down at him.

Poe squeezes Finn's hand softly, thinking how wonderful it would be for him to wake up right now, but knowing that it won't happen. At the very least, he's happy that Finn has two people who care about him so much, who would do anything for him.

Rey informs Poe that Chewie is loading the last of their provisions for the journey, and assures him that his own transport, to Yndiri II, is being readied as well. Rey tells Poe about what happened on the surface of Starkiller Base, about how they compromised the thermal oscillator for Poe's squad, about Han's death, about Kylo Ren chasing them out into the woods. She tells him about battling Ren, and about how Chewie had brought the Falcon to save both of them in the end. She tells Poe how she held Finn the whole way back, in tears, trying to do  _something_  with her newfound Force powers to keep him alive until they could get back to D'Qar.

"You know he saved my life?" Rey mumbles. "If Finn hadn't've been there to take on that monster, I'm sure he would've come after me and finished the job."

"He saved mine, too," Poe says quietly. "On the _Finalizer_ , when he sprung me outta there. Guess he has a way about him, huh?" Rey smiles at that. It fades slowly from her face as she stares at Finn for a long moment, seemingly memorizing his face.

"We'll see each other again," Rey whispers. "I believe that." Rey leans down and kisses Finn's forehead softly. "Thank you, my friend."

Rey turns to leave, grabbing her staff on the way out.

 

===

 

Poe goes to see Rey off, but only under threat from BB-8's taser. She's very fond of Rey and won't stand for Poe missing the farewell.

 

===

 

After Rey leaves, the transport shuttle to Yndiri II sends an ensign to help Poe with the levistretcher. Poe squeezes into one of the two cramped cabins with Finn's stretcher, BB-8 beside them. The rest of the small crew is content to let that serve as the med bay for the short hyperspace journey. Within minutes, Poe hears them doing the last checks on the engine, and then they're off.

Poe normally doesn't like space travel so much if he's not in the cockpit, but having Finn to care for takes his mind off of things. He holds Finn's hand and watches his face, dreaming of what this new base will be like and if Finn will like it. Waiting for Finn to wake up again is frustrating, but it doesn't come with the edge of fear that it had when Finn was still in bacta. Now, it's just a question of _when_ , not _if_. Now it's just sleep—a really, _really  _long sleep.

After a while, Poe watches a holovid or two with Beebee, always entertained by her commentary on human interaction, and he even lets her pick which 'vids. He keeps a warm hand on her dome, rubbing softly. He doesn't know if she has touch sensors, but he thinks she gets the intent behind the gesture. He really was unfair to her when she was only looking out for his best interests, so he apologizes the best way he knows how—he lets her be the boss for a little while.

After the second 'vid, Beebee informs him of the time and suggests he sleep for a while.

"Good idea, Beebee... Can you get the lights?"

She makes a confused noise.

"I'm gonna stay in here with Finn. He could wake up any minute, and the last thing I want is him waking up alone in the dark in an unfamiliar room, on an unfamiliar shuttle..."

Beebee seems to agree, though reluctantly, and cuts the lights before going to find a charging port.

 

===

 

The shuttle lands on Yndiri II just as the sun is starting to set. There's a muted frenzy of Resistance activity, various people that Poe recognizes scurrying around with equipment and supplies, getting everything inside the ancient bunkers. Poe stays in control of Finn's levistretcher, carefully following one of the shuttle's crew inside and down the dim hallway.

"This is where we're planning to rebuild the medwing," the crew member says as she helps Poe lead the stretcher into a large, mostly empty room. "As you can see, they've gotten a few supplies transported here, but the majority of it will be coming over the next few days. You're welcome to stay here or choose quarters..."

"Here is fine," Poe says, looking down at Finn as he sleeps. "He'll wake up soon enough, and we can find quarters then." He's not sure if he means separate quarters or not, but the crew member doesn't seem fazed. She merely smiles at him and turns to go as BB-8 rolls in.

"Oh, your droid reminds me: she had all your things arranged for pack-up, and they should be on the transport of everyone's personal effects in the next day or so."

Poe smiles at Beebee as they're left alone. "You smart little thing, you..." Beebee chirps proudly. "That's right, you _are  _the best droid in the Resistance. Now go see if you can help out with anything. I'm gonna take a nap."


	7. Awakening

Out of a blessedly dreamless fog, Finn finds himself slowly waking. He feels good, better than he has in his entire life. Not only does he feel completely rested, but he has yet to find a single ache in his body. He feels like he's sleeping on a cloud, warm and content. Slowly, he blinks his eyes open.

It's dark. Finn doesn't recognize this room, and really, why would he? The only places he really recognizes are First Order locales, and he certainly never felt this good when he was with them. This must be Resistance property. A dark head of hair near his leg catches his eye, and he instantly knows. This is Resistance, because that's Poe Dameron, sleeping in a chair at Finn's bedside.

Finn remembers everything—rescuing Rey, Han's murder, battling Kylo Ren... dreaming of his own death... But his  _own_ death hadn't followed as he had assumed it would. Instead, here he is with another chance. He can't afford to waste any time with this one. Who knows if he'll get yet _another_ chance?

"Poe," Finn whispers, his voice hoarse, unused. "Poe."

The curly-haired head shifts minutely, and Finn squeezes his hand.

"Poe."

The hand squeezes back, and Finn tries again, his voice strengthening with each attempt.

"Poe."

The brown eyes blink open, and Finn's heart soars.

"Poe, I love you," he whispers.

"Finn," Poe breathes, his eyes fluttering wide. He sits up and scoots closer, keeping Finn's hand tight in his own. "Say... Say that again."

"I love you," Finn says a bit more strongly. Poe stands up out of the chair he'd been sleeping in, leaning over Finn, eyes roving over his face like he can't get enough. His hands come up to hold Finn's face softly.

"I love you too," Poe returns, exhilarated. "I love you too."

"I didn't want—"

Poe stops Finn's mouth with a kiss. The noise Poe makes is delicious, like he wants moremore _more_ , and yet he's found everything he could ever want, right here, right now. Finn gasps, wrapping his hands around Poe's wrists and holding him close.

"Been trying to tell you—" Finn cuts Poe's words off with another kiss, dragging him down into it with a hand wrapped behind his neck.

Kissing feels like Finn is glowing from the inside out, shining and shimmering and fit to burst. He can feel centuries thrumming through his veins, and every dream he's had—no, _lifetime he's remembered_ —sails through his consciousness. All the almosts and maybes, all the too-shorts and too-quicks, all the missed connections and failed conversations... Everything at once codifies and melts away.

"Qut'na," Poe breathes, stroking Finn's cheek. Finn pulls back slightly, gazing wide-eyed up at Poe. The sounds are foreign to his ears, and judging by Poe's eyes as they open, foreign to Poe's tongue as well. But he understands them perfectly: _sweetheart_.

"Where did you hear that?" Finn whispers. Poe frowns.

"...I don't think I've ever heard it," he mumbles, confused. "I don't know where it came from, it just... felt like the right thing to say," Poe says weakly. Finn kisses the befuddled frown right off of his mouth.

"Maidt' zrrtu," Finn murmurs, kissing Poe's lips over and over. Something in the way Poe melts against him assures him he got the message— _I love you_.

 

===

 

Poe wakes up some time later, now spooned into Finn's arms. He sighs quietly and snuggles back into the warmth, trying not to wake him. It seems impossible that he'll get back to sleep, though, with the sun streaming in through the windows like it is. He shuts his eyes at the very least and wraps a hand around Finn's wrist, stroking with his thumb.

"Oh, you're awake," Finn muses softly and kisses the back of Poe's neck. Poe leans back into him and twists just enough to be able to see over his shoulder.

"How long've you been up?" he mumbles sleepily.

"A while. Feeling pretty rested. It was nice just to hold you awhile, though." Finn pauses with a grin. "You know you talk in your sleep?"

"Oh, gods," Poe laughs, embarrassed. " _No_. What did I say?"

"Various things..." Finn smiles, small and secret. "Nothing anyone else would understand." Poe gets the hint. After a short pause, Finn finally asks, "Where's Rey?"

Poe is honestly surprised it's taken this long for Finn to ask. He supposes they _were  _fairly busy, though, when Finn had just woken.

"She's gone to find Luke Skywalker," Poe tells him. "She fought Ren, after you got hurt. She didn't kill him, but the planet was imploding and you guys had to get out of there. Chewbacca brought the _Falcon_ in, and they got you on the ship and came back home. We did it," Poe says with a small but victorious smile. "We destroyed the Base and saved D'Qar, and we couldn't've done it without you."

"Me, and a lot of other people," Finn argues.

"Yeah, but you were still one of them." Poe sighs. "Coming back to D'Qar and seeing you unconscious in Chewie's arms was one of the scariest moments of my life—and I've had a lot of those. But they took care of you. And Artoo woke up, had the rest of the map for Beebee's piece, and now Rey's off to find Luke. She's _fine_. She'll be glad to hear you're awake."

"When's she coming back?" Finn asks.

"Hard to say... That's the other thing," Poe says with a chuckle. "We've moved... Since the First Order knew of our location on D'Qar, the General wasn't taking any risks. We've relocated to a moon in another system, Yndiri II. It's nice here. Reminds me of home, on Yavin IV."

With no warning, the med-droid from back on D'Qar wheels into the room. Poe gives it a lazy smile, thoroughly amused by the way it noticeably pauses at the sight of them curled up on the levistretcher together.

"Finn's awake," Poe tells it unnecessarily.

"I have noted Patient Finn's consciousness," the droid says in a fairly clipped voice. "Doctor Kalonia has been paged."

"She's here already?" Poe asks, sitting up.

"She is indeed, and will be along shortly to check up on Patient Finn's status," the droid informs him.

If that isn't a reason to stop cuddling, Poe doesn't know what is. He has had _one  _brush with Kalonia for an... intimate matter, and he doesn't really want a repeat of her prying into his personal life. Poe runs a hand through his hair as the med-droid wheels into the other room. He swings his legs off the edge of the stretcher just as BB-8 rolls in.

The noise Beebee makes at the sight of Finn awake doesn't quite translate. Even Poe, fluent in Binary, is left with simply the emotional impression of surprise and joy. _Loud  _surprise and joy.

"Stars, Beebee, do you have to alert the whole moon?" he says in exasperation, stuffing his feet back into his boots and standing. She chatters excitedly and Poe can't help a small laugh. "Yeah, okay, fine. I'm glad you're happy. We've got her blessing," Poe says dryly over his shoulder, prompting a laugh from Finn as he sits up carefully. "Now would you please go tell Jess and Snap or something?" Beebee makes a gleeful noise and Poe hastily adds, "That Finn's _awake!_ Tell them that Finn's  awake, you don't have to tell them that we're—"

Beebee wobbles purposefully out of the room before Poe can finish. He sighs in defeat. Poe has just enough time to straighten his clothes and hair before Dr. Kalonia is stepping into the room with a datapad in hand.

"Finn," she greets warmly, stepping over to his bedside. "I'm so glad to see you've woken up. How are you feeling?"

"Fantastic," Finn enthuses. "Honestly, this is the best I've ever felt in my life. Nothing hurts, nothing's tired... I _am  _hungry, but... that's not really a medical emergency."

Kalonia smiles. "I'm sure they could solve that problem for you in the mess hall—I hear they've gotten things up and running over there. Do you mind if I take a look at your back?" she asks. Finn shrugs out of his tunic in response. Poe carefully averts his eyes.

Finn has a very, _very  _nice chest. He has a nice _everything_ , if Poe's being honest, but he might be a little biased. But then again, even objectively, Finn is so well-built. The last time Poe had had an occasion to notice, he was fearing for Finn's life, so that... kinda put a damper on things. But now... Well, again, he's not interested in talking with Kalonia about any of this, so he tries to keep his expression neutral.

"Well, you certainly _look_ healed," Kalonia says approvingly. "Minimal scarring... Are you familiar with bacta?" she asks.

"In theory," Finn answers awkwardly. "I was never treated with it, but we learned about its uses and there were bacta bandages available if we needed them." Poe frowns slightly, so Finn continues, "Most often, anyone really _needing  _resources like that was just spaced rather than healed, unless they were worth it." It's stated just like a fact, and it makes Poe's heart hurt.

"The bacta will have renewed all of your tissues—skin, bones, nerves, muscles... You should be good as new," Kalonia informs him. "Sometimes, though, especially with spinal proximity injuries, there may be a slight loss of feeling for a few days still. Also, because of the nature of lightsaber wounds, you do have more scarring than one would typically see from a bacta-healed wound, from the partial cauterization performed by the blade. However, it's certainly much less than you would have otherwise."

Poe steps aside slightly to get a glimpse of Finn's back, and if he thought Finn's _chest  _was nice... The definition in the muscles alone is enough to enjoy, but the way the slightly ragged scar slices a clean line down Finn's back, a souvenir of a battle hard fought, of survival... He loves Finn so much in this moment.

"Well," Kalonia sighs, turning back to Finn. "I'd say you're cleared, Finn, but we really should do some preliminary neuro tests, just to be sure." She looks up at Poe. "Maybe you'd like BB-8 to show you to your new quarters while I finish things up with Finn? You've been very helpful so far," she says with a kind smile.

"Just trying to make sure he's okay," Poe returns with a smile of his own. He hesitates. "You'll be okay, Finn?"

"I'm fine," Finn assures him.

"Alright, then. I'll be back for you as soon as I've got everything moved into my room."

Finn turns back Dr. Kalonia, and Poe sees her smile at Finn in a very knowing way. Poe takes his leave.

 

===

 

Poe is back shortly after Finn has finished his tests. He's brought a cup of caf for Dr. Kalonia, who seems pleasantly charmed by the gesture as she leaves to help orchestrate the next delivery of medwing supplies. Finn pulls himself to his feet from the stretcher and is comfortable enough in the tunic and trousers he'd been dressed in. Poe promises him some new clothes soon, and they leave the medwing together. BB-8 finds them and reports something to Poe.

"Thanks, Beebee. Go find someone to help out, I gotta take care of some stuff," Poe tells her. Beebee chirps agreeably and trundles off down the hallway, humming merrily to herself. Poe turns back to Finn. "I, uh... Am I right to assume you'll... stay with me?"

Stay with Poe? After all this time trying to find him, both in this life and others? Finn can't think of anything that he _could  _do other than stay with Poe, for the rest of their lives.

"Like... in your quarters?" Finn laughs. "Yeah, I... I'd like to stay with you."

Poe grins in relief. "That's good. Well, uh. I got everything unpacked while you were with the doctor, so..."

Poe starts off down the hall and Finn follows. He reaches out to grab Poe's hand. It's broad and warm, callused from years of gripping the yoke of an X-Wing. Poe turns a surprised look on him. Finn hesitates, and then squeezes his hand.

"Is this okay? Rey didn't like it so much when I just grabbed her hand..."

"No, this is good," Poe says with a smile. "Just unexpected—in a nice way."

They continue on to a door at the end of a hallway, and Poe keys in a code. The door slides open.

"Sorry, it's a bit of a mess... Didn't really want to spend the time to make things too tidy. I guess it doesn't look too different from normal this way," Poe chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "But, uh... It's home now, I guess. Welcome home."

Finn stands in the doorway, a bit shocked. Sometimes he forgets that Poe is a Commander, and thus must get certain perks. It's a private room, which is in itself foreign to Finn, who's spent his entire life in shared barracks. There's a door that must lead to a private refresher... But it's what's strewn all over the room that really gets his attention. Poe's things are  _everywhere_. Finn has never really had any things of his own to leave around, and he would've been reprimanded if he had. He looks around the room as he steps tentatively inside.

On the left side of the room, there's a waist-height shelf that runs along the wall. It's been hastily stuffed with manuals, some newer and some old with pages fraying. Amongst the books are models of ships and souvenirs from abroad. On top of the whole shelving unit is an old A-Wing pilot helmet, scuffed and scratched from battle. In front of the shelves is a crate of spare droid-parts, a fairly comprehensive toolkit balancing atop it.

The foot of Poe's bed butts up to the far edge of the shelves, and the bed itself is wedged snugly into the corner. It looks large and comfortable, certainly more so than any bed Finn has ever gotten to call his own. It's sloppily made, a delightful shock, looking like Poe just tugged the sheets into place and moved on. The blankets look like a mix of standard-issue polyfiber synthetics and something which must be handmade, perhaps from his homeworld. The pillows—multiple pillows!—are thrown together at the head of the bed, next to which is a nightstand. There's a lamp and a bottle of water, as well as a datapad.

There appears to be a small closet at the back of the room, and Finn can see an assortment of flight suits, as well as other clothing: formal and casual uniforms, as well as civvies. There are a few different pairs of boots tossed in underneath them. Beside the closet as Finn's eyes continue around the room is a small dresser, tucked into the corner, with a crate of clothing stashed on top to be put away later.

On the right-hand wall is the door to the refresher. It's dark inside, but Finn is awed by the mere idea of Poe having his _own personal refresher_. He wonders if it will just be a toilet, or a shower as well. Closer to him from the 'fresher doorway is a work table and chair. Finn can see BB-8's charging dock underneath the table, and he smiles to himself—that must be _her  _room under there. He looks back on top of the table and his heart stops. He moves over to touch the heap of leather, his fingers trailing along the jagged, singed edge.

"I made sure to keep that," Poe says quietly, finally stepping into the room after Finn. The door slides shut behind him and Poe turns the lights up from dim to a warm glow. "They had to cut it off of you. I think we can patch it up, though. Snap is pretty handy with a needle and thread."

Finn looks around the room again silently. _Home_ , Poe had said. Finn has never had a home, but he thinks if he did, this is what he would've wanted it to feel like. He turns to Poe with a small smile.

"Thanks for taking me in," Finn says quietly. Poe steps forward, a slightly puzzled look on his face.

"Of course..." Poe slowly pulls Finn into his arms. "I love you. You think I would just let you room with some stranger?" he jokes. "I want you _here_ , with _me_ , sleeping in _my  _bed and wandering around _my  _room freshly-showered." Poe grins.

"Speaking of that," Finn say with interest, "you have your _own refresher_? "

Poe laughs. "I _think  _so. This place has been dark for a while, but they assured me that the plumbing should be working... I guess we'll see."

Poe leads Finn over and flips on the light. He _does  _have a shower, and a toilet, and a sink. It's a fairly small 'fresher, utilitarian but still somehow very Poe. There are a few bright towels on a shelf built into the wall beside the shower, and a couple assorted bottles of things.

"I'm guessing they gave you a sonic after the bacta," Poe says, leaning against the doorway.

"I think so... I mean, I don't really remember that clearly, but it felt familiar to every other shower I've taken..."

"Wait, are you saying..." Poe frowns and pushes away from the doorframe. "Are you saying you've never taken a water shower?"

"Well, they were impractical," Finn says with an awkward shrug. "Thousands of 'troopers to wash every day, and also adequately hydrate? There's no way the ships or bases would care enough about supplying the water for showers. Sonics did well enough."

"Alright, strip down," Poe says decisively, stepping forward and pushing the shower door open. "It's high time you took a hot, steamy shower. Sonic showers are alright, but there's nothing that compares to the feeling of warm water running over your skin..." Poe hums, bordering on a moan.

Finn takes off his shirt easily, but his mind is running a mile a minute. He feels like they should talk about this— _all  _of this. About them, about rooming together, about... all the strange coincidences, like the language they spoke early that morning—or did they even speak it? Was he still dreaming? Finn pauses, his shirt in his hands. Poe frowns.

"Hey, I... You know I was just teasing, right?" Poe asks tentatively. "You don't... really have to strip if you don't want to," he says with half a laugh. "You can take a shower another time. Or you can use the communal sonics, if that's more your speed..."

"No, I... I want to, I just think we should... talk about some things." Finn gives an awkward shrug.

"Oh." Poe blinks. "Alright, yeah. What's on your mind?"

"All of this is new for me," Finn starts, focusing on folding his shirt. "I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to find someone like you, and now that I've got you, I don't know what to do." Finn waits for Poe to say something, but Poe seems to be giving Finn space to talk. "And I've never shared someone's room. We all slept in barracks together, but it wasn't... _our  _space."

"Finn," Poe says softly, stepping forward and putting a hand on his forearm, stilling his fidgeting. "It's okay. This is hardly _my  _room, being so new... But it's your room too now. It's _ours_. And something tells me you're not gonna do anything I wouldn't want you to do anyways," he says with an easy grin. "I'm not asking you to  do  _anything_ , Finn. All I want is for you to be comfortable. Can you do that?" Poe asks. "Can you let me know if you're _not  _comfortable?"

Finn looks up at Poe again and smiles, nodding. He sets his shirt aside on the edge of the sink and catches Poe's hand with his own. He gives it a squeeze. Somehow, everything just makes sense when he looks at Poe, and he doesn't have to worry about anything.

"I want to kiss you," Poe mumbles. "Is that okay? If I just do that whenever I want?"

Finn laughs and tugs on Poe's hand. "Of course it is."

Poe leans in and kisses Finn softly, sliding a hand around his waist. Poe's hands feel even better on his waist than they did when he was holding them, and the touch feels like coming home, more than just being welcomed into Poe's room— _their  _room. It feels like a million touches he's felt in his memories, calming all his worries instantly. Finn pulls out of the kiss slowly and rests his forehead to Poe's.

"You'd better strip down, too. I'm gonna need someone to make sure I get the full enjoyment out of this shower," Finn says matter-of-factly.

"Oh _really?_ " Poe asks with a smirk. "Sounds like quite the invitation."

Finn laughs and pulls him back into a kiss. "Take your clothes off."

 

===

 

Hot water showers, Poe can guess, are Finn's new favorite thing. From the moment Poe turns it on, water cascading from the wide, rain-like overhead fixture, Finn is transfixed. Poe sets the temperature fairly warm but not too hot, and as Finn steps under the downpour, Poe can see his shoulders relax instantly. He lets his eyes travel up and down Finn's body, noting every curve, each muscle... He steps out of his trousers and follows after Finn, shutting the door behind them.

"This is _amazing_ ," Finn groans, and Poe can't help but laugh as he pulls Finn back into his arms.

"Those bastards were holding out on you. I bet the officers got hot water showers," Poe mumbles into the side of Finn's neck. He reaches up to the digital panel on the wall and turns the temperature up a few centis.

The shower cubicle is fairly small, but manageable for two people. It just means their skin brushes together quite a bit, but it's not like Poe is complaining. Finn turns to face him, a calm smile on his face, and Poe feels his heart squeeze. It's innumerable soft smiles, all reflected in that one, and Poe reaches out to run his hands over Finn's slick skin.

"Is this okay?" Poe asks, needing to be sure.

"It's _fine_ ," Finn assures him, going so far as to pull him close. "It's fine. _Please  _touch me," he invites with a grin. "I've only wanted you to since we first met..."

"Oh," Poe sighs, relieved. "And I thought I was the only one." He smiles and kisses Finn.

"Mm, certainly not," Finn mumbles between kisses. Poe wraps his hands around Finn's hips.

Finn is absolutely beautiful, and only more so with his dark skin softened and warmed by the hot water, gleaming wet and begging to be touched... Poe won't lie and say he hadn't checked him out while he was getting undressed—he's sure Finn did the same to him. There isn't an inch of Finn that Poe wouldn't love to get his mouth on.

Poe pulls back from the kiss with a gasp. His cheeks are flushed, he can feel it, and his cock is starting to stir. Finn's lips are sinfully full and soft, and he seems to know exactly what he's doing with them.

"Didn't you say you'd never done this before?" Poe pants softly.

"Yeah," Finn returns, licking his lips. He can't seem to keep his eyes off of Poe's mouth. "But I want you," he breathes. "I want you _so bad_ — mmph!"

Poe holds Finn's jaw as he kisses him firmly, arching into him, their bodies slipping and sliding together. Finn is definitely half-hard against his hip, and it makes Poe ache with want. He presses his hips against Finn, making his own need known, and Finn makes the most beautiful noise.

Finn is not shy with his touches. His hands go sliding over Poe's chest, instantly seeking out his nipples. Poe gasps sharply, his mouth falling off of Finn's as a shock goes through him.

"Awfully intuitive for a first-timer," Poe huffs in a laugh, but it chokes off as Finn twists his fingers expertly. Poe's forehead falls onto Finn's shoulder and he moans loudly, hips stuttering against Finn's. " _Kriff_..."

"Just seemed like something you'd like," Finn gasps, his own hips pushing back against Poe's now. "Ah... Poe, touch me..."

How can he even fight a request like that, with Finn's voice so sweet and wavering? He reaches a hand down between them, clumsily wrapping it around Finn's shaft. Finn gasps and stumbles them back half a step until his shoulders hit the shower wall, his hands going to Poe's jaw to pull him back into a desperate kiss.

Finn's cock is smooth and hot in Poe's palm, jumping at the touch. Poe strokes him firmly a few times, listening to the noises Finn makes, muffled against his lips. Finn's hands crawl up into his hair, stroking and tugging, and Poe can't take it. He shifts his grip, wrapping it around both their cocks at once, and oh, that's _so_ much better.

"Yeah," Finn gasps, tipping his head back out of the kiss, leaning back into the wall, his hips pushing forward into the new touch. Poe drops his mouth to Finn's neck and sucks kisses into it, muffling the groans he can't seem to hold back.

" _Finn_ ," Poe breathes as Finn's hand twists into his hair, holding him close, his head tipping aside to encourage Poe's mouth. He feels one of Finn's hands drop down to squeeze his ass, digging his short nails in, _tugging_ —

"Kriff, you feel so good," Finn moans. "Don't stop..."

Poe follows Finn's lead, letting his hips buck as he strokes them quick and tight. Finn's throat shifts under his lips as makes his pleasure known, pushing into Poe's grip. Poe feels veritably overwhelmed, Finn's noises echoing in the shower cubicle. He feels dizzy and disoriented, a sharp sense of déjà vu overtaking him.

It's no secret that Poe's had several lovers—more than several. But Finn feels new in a way that no one else has, new in a way that's not actually new at all but achingly familiar. He's heard these noises before, felt the same exact motions a body has made against his. It seems to go deeper than just the physical, though, and Poe has no doubt in his mind that Finn is who he's been searching for, who he always finds one way or another, in each life...

Finn's voice goes high and breathless, his hips stuttering, and Poe suddenly realizes he's right there too. He bites Finn's neck and sucks, picking a spot that feels random to him and yet like he knows exactly where he's aiming for. Finn falls to pieces in an instant, shooting against Poe's stomach, his hips twitching. The noise Finn makes, combined with the perfect way he tugs Poe's hair, has Poe following right after, down into sweet oblivion.


	8. Yndiri II

The only thing better than hot showers, Finn decides, is the food here.

After a lifetime of grey synthetic protein sustenance, the food he'd had at Maz's castle had been an awakening. It was only a small portion, something Han had called a 'snack', but it was enough to leave Finn wanting more. All around them, there had been different foods being enjoyed by all the patrons, and Finn had wanted to try all of it.

In the mess on Yndiri II, there aren't _that  _many options to chose from, but there are certainly more than he's ever known himself, and they actually look _appetizing_. He stands in front of the communal serving table with a tray, awed.

"Where do I even start?" Finn asks, and Poe laughs.

"Wherever you like, buddy." Poe's hair is still damp, curling over his forehead and ears. He leans over to scoop a spoonful of some sort of vegetable onto his tray. "Tell you what—get whatever you think looks interesting. Don't worry if you're scared you won't like it. I'll get what I  _know  _is delicious, and you're welcome to all of that. I like all the food here just fine, so if you get something you don't like, I'll take it. Deal?"

Finn nods, feeling some of the pressure relieved. He takes something that looks like bread, a bit of some kind of meat, a couple different types of vegetables... He gets to the end of the table and finds Poe puzzling over a few smaller dishes.

"...Are some of these not good?" Finn asks, worried why Poe is pausing.

"What? _No_ ," Poe insists, grinning. "I'm just trying to decide what kind of dessert you'd like."

"Dessert?..." The word is foreign to Finn's ears, at least in this tongue.

"Oh yeah, buddy. This is the best part." Finally, Poe seems to decide on something that looks like a chunk of dark bread with some sort of thick sauce smeared over it. "Grab whatever looks interesting. I guarantee you'll probably like it."

Finn takes a moment, and selects two small disk-shaped things that sort of remind him of emergency rations. He follows Poe to a table where there are two people he recognizes. He remembers one of them is Temmin Wexley, the pilot who flew the recon mission on Starkiller Base. Poe sits down across from them, and Finn next to him.

"Finn, you probably remember Snap... and this is Jessika Pava. They're probably my closest friends here." Poe smiles at Finn, and then turns to his friends. "You guys know Finn."

"He needs no introduction," Jess says with a small grin and takes a bite of whatever bread she has in her hand. "Call me Jess. Glad to see you've recovered. Where've you been hiding him?" she asks Poe, lifting an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" Poe argues. "He only just been discharged this afternoon... We had to get him all settled in."

"Who're you rooming with?" Snap asks Finn conversationally.

"Poe," Finn answers, looking back and forth between Jess and Snap's faces as they look at each other.

"Here, dig in," Poe says, handing a fork to Finn. He thinks it might be to distract him from Jess and Snap, but he's starving, so he takes it gratefully.

Finn immerses himself in the food, trying everything on the tray. Poe was right—this is all fantastic. There's so much flavor, he's not really sure what to do. He realizes, halfway through his meal, that Poe's stopped talking and is now watching him, a fond smile on his lips.

"What?" Finn asks self-consciously. Poe laughs and leans in to kiss Finn's temple.

"Nothing," Poe mumbles.

Finn lifts his head and sees Jess leaning back in her chair, looking very smug about something. Snap is very focused on his tray, in a way that Finn feels is artificial. Finn turns to Poe, questioning, but all Poe does is wipe the corner of Finn's mouth with a napkin.

"Eat up—you're gonna love dessert."

 

===

 

Finn wakes up the next morning to the sound of bird calls outside his window. The sun is streaming in over his skin from said window, over the arm he has over the covers, on top of whatever it is he's sleeping against. Finn opens his eyes to a smooth expanse of skin: Poe's chest, rising and falling steadily under his cheek. Finn shifts slightly, noticing a datapad in Poe's hand. He lifts his head and turns to see Poe's soft smile.

"Good morning," Poe murmurs, and Finn feels the soft warmth of the bed seep straight into his heart. He stretches up to kiss Poe's stubbled chin.

"You're awake," Finn whispers, voice scratchy from sleep.

"Woke up about a half hour ago. Didn't wanna disturb you." Poe sets the datapad aside and runs a hand over Finn's shorn hair, scratching comfortingly.

"Never gotten to sleep as long as I want before," Finn mumbles, resting his cheek on Poe's chest again. "Well, except for when I've been injured..."

"Welcome to your new life," Poe laughs, and it rumbles up through Finn's cheekbone, infusing him with happiness. He squirms closer and hugs Poe tightly, letting out a contented sigh. "You feeling like breakfast?"

"If it's anything like dinner last night, then _yes_ ," Finn laughs. He finally rolls onto his back and stretches out. Poe follows, smiling, and slides a hand over Finn's ribs, rubbing the warm skin.

"Let's go get some breakfast, then. And afterwards we can go exploring the new base. We can find out where everything is—the commissary, the kitchens, the gym, the armory..."

"Sounds great," Finn murmurs, smiling up at Poe.

Propped over Finn the way he is, Poe looks like something out of a myth. He's glowing, his curls haloed by the morning sun, and Finn just has to reach up and touch. He runs his fingers through Poe's hair, rubbing soothingly. Poe drops his head easily into Finn's touch, humming quietly. After a moment, Finn slips a hand down to Poe's jaw and pulls him into a gentle kiss.

"I love you," Finn whispers. Poe makes a soft noise in response, and Finn, hungry though he is, honestly feels like this moment could carry on forever and he'd be just fine.

 

===

 

Yndiri II is like nothing Finn has ever seen.

The moon is fairly small, he's been told. The slightly shorter days are something to get used to after a life of regimented lighting cycles at every First Order base. There's the strangest feeling to the gravity, like it's the slightest bit weaker than the standard one grav-unit. It's just enough to give Finn the feeling that he's standing in water that comes to just above his center of gravity, giving him the barest sense of weightlessness when he moves, right on the edge of his consciousness..

On Yndiri II, everything is so _alive_. The base is ancient, the buildings old and crumbling in places, and the forest seems to thrive around and amongst it all. It presses in on every side, thick, dense jungle that Poe says reminds him of his homeworld, Yavin IV. Vines crawl over the hangar openings and things are sprouting up from every crack in the duracrete. It's like the air around the Resistance just inspires everything to thrive, even in the toughest conditions. Coming from a life of sterile hallways and not a single piece of plant matter to be found, it fascinates Finn.

More to the point, though, the _people  _on the base are so vibrant. Never in his life has Finn seen so many people so passionate for one cause. Sure, the stormtroopers had been legion, but the majority were emotionless and professional about their duties. There were plenty of personalities that came out while undertaking more menial tasks, of course, but here, even the most laborious work seems to inspire a sense of purpose. Everyone is pulling their weight to ensure the new base is fully operational as soon as possible.

They had dealt the First Order a heavy blow, that was for sure. But now, according to the things Poe tells Finn over the week that has passed since he's woken up, reports are coming in that General Hux, Captain Phasma, and Kylo Ren had all escaped, amongst others. Finn is sure they are working on some sort of new weapon, but there's nothing they can do about it until they receive new intelligence. At the very least, the Resistance has done all they can to ensure their safety, moving to a new hidden base.

Finn has taken to wandering, sometimes with BB-8 at his side. He _tries  _not to follow Poe around, he really does. He's sure that Poe doesn't mind, but seeing the looks on his fellow pilots' faces... Well, Finn has found out that it's best if he just visits Poe once or twice throughout the day. He brings Poe lunch, and they eat below Poe's X-Wing, Poe in an old flight suit that now serves as coveralls, the arms tied around his waist and a grimy white tank-top stretched over his broad chest.

Seeing Poe like this always stirs something in Finn. It's been a week since they had taken that first shower together and Poe had pulled him apart so expertly. He knows Poe had enjoyed it; he had felt it in the way Poe had held him afterwards, kissing every inch of Finn's shoulders and neck, cleaning him off tenderly, telling Finn how much he loved him... But Poe has yet to touch him like that again.

Finn isn't without fault. He's been hesitant to initiate anything with Poe, too. He wonders if it was too sudden, too rushed. He tries to remember all their past lives and how things happened then, but feels inherently guilty about that in its own right. He hasn't mentioned them to Poe at all. He's worried that Poe might think he loves him just because of his past selves.

Finn is certain by now that Poe is everyone he has ever loved. He remembers something Maz had said to him at her castle: "If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people." She herself was over a thousand years old, was she not? She had recognized his eyes. Had she known him in a past life? Had she known _Poe?_

Finn doesn't know the answer to these questions, but he does know Poe's eyes. Every time he looks into them, all he can see is surety. He's been chasing, searching, through space and time, generation after generation, just to find Poe. They're destined. And more than that, Finn simply _wants  _him. He wants him in every way, honestly, but the sex gives him pause. He wants to do that correctly.

Finn doesn't want to push Poe. Maybe there's a reason he's backed off, one that he can't talk to Finn about yet. So Finn doesn't push. He settles for kisses and touches, for snuggling up together at night, always in sleep shorts and tank-tops, because that's how Poe had initiated things. He knows he'll bring it up, maybe soon, but it's not like this is _bad_ , the way things are now... He just knows there can be so much _more  _he can give to Poe.

He wants Poe to know that—before it’s too late, before he loses him, just like so many times before.

 

===

 

Poe wipes the engine grease off of his hands with a rag, looking up at Black One. BB-8 makes an impressed noise next to him and he laughs.

"Yeah, she cleans up nice, doesn't she?" He runs a hand over Beebee's dome and drops the rag playfully onto her. She argues and shakes it off, rolling off after him as he starts to walk toward the doorway out of the hangar.

It's late. He'd estimated he only had maybe another hour to put in before he was done with his current project, so he'd come back to the hangar after dinner, telling Finn not to wait up. He'd kissed him and told him he loved him, that he'd be back in a bit.

That was before he pulled a bad converter out of the engine and stacked another two hours of work onto the ordeal.

Poe shuts the lights off after himself and makes his way down the hall toward the residential area. It's not so late that there aren't other people around, but they're all clearly off-duty, chatting and laughing, definitely _not  _just coming back from extra shifts they had essentially assigned themselves, like he had done—work that could've been put off until tomorrow.

Poe walks into the room he shares with Finn just as Finn is coming out of the refresher, a towel wrapped around his waist. Poe swallows, making sure the door shuts behind him. Beebee rolls right under the table and onto her charging dock for the night—she's beat, and doesn't particularly care to understand the human complexities of Poe's relationship with Finn.

"Hey, look who's home," Finn murmurs with a dry sort of amusement.

"Sorry," Poe murmurs distractedly, following a drop of water down Finn's broad chest. He snaps his eyes back up to Finn's. "I, uh. Something came up."

"And it couldn't wait 'til the morning?" Finn turns his back on Poe to dig through one of his drawers in the dresser, pulling out his sleep things. Poe steps up behind him and runs a soothing touch along the scar that shoots down Finn's back. He leans down to kiss the topmost part, inhaling the clean smell of Finn's skin from his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Poe murmurs. "Lost track of time."

"You're filthy," Finn says, but Poe can at least hear the smile in it now. He can't help a small grin of his own as he wraps his hands around Finn's hips, just above the towel.

"Yeah?" he teases.

"Yeah, and you smell like a bantha," Finn laughs. "Go take a shower, flyboy."

"Shame I wasn't back earlier—we coulda taken one together," Poe laments. Finn merely raises an eyebrow at him.

"Well maybe next time you'll come home on time."

_Home_. Poe smiles at that as he strips down in the 'fresher. The room is still hot and steamy from Finn's shower, and the temperature is set just where he likes it when he turns the shower on. He steps in and lets the hot water work all the tension out of his back.

He can still smell Finn's clean skin, the unique yet familiar smell of him mixed with Poe's soap that Finn has started using. The combination is heady, especially with the smell of the soap stronger in here, and Poe feels his cock filling out. Well, there's nothing that says he can't get clean and get off at the same time... But couldn't he also save it for _after  _the shower?

Poe hasn't made another move on Finn since that first afternoon. He had been so in the moment that he hadn't considered if Finn was really ready for it, despite what he said. It had been so frantic, so desperate, fueled by the need to touch Finn before he might've just melted away like a dream... And since then, Finn hasn't tried anything else, just kisses and sweet, safe touches.

Half of Poe's mind is urgent, with a longing that's so intense it makes him weak. _Do it ,_ it tells him. _ Touch him again. Taste him. He loves you. Show him how much you love him in return. Remember how quickly all those other chances had ended? What if you never get another chance?_ And Poe wants so badly to just go back out there, to drop to his knees and worship Finn with his mouth, to make him feel so good, to give himself to Finn because he loves him _so much_  and what if this is all gone tomorrow?...

But the other half of Poe's mind is holding back— _Yeah, what if this is all gone tomorrow? What if this is just like every other time? You'll have pain, just like before. So much pain, with nothing but the memories of his soft touch, the taste of him, the sounds he made... And what if he doesn't even want it after all, but he doesn't know how to say that? Could you ever live with yourself?  _And doesn't that just sound so much worse?

So Poe leans against the shower wall and takes himself in hand instead. He can wait, for Finn. They'll talk about it soon. But for now, he can wait.

 

===

 

Ultimately, Finn finds his niche at medical.

He's on the way there at Dr. Kalonia's request, just to give her a chance to check up on him. He's walking past the open doorway to one of the X-Wing hangars when he hears a crash. Suddenly on high alert, he jogs into the spacious room.

"Hello?" he calls. There's a low groan from corner and he runs over. One of the new pilot recruits is on the floor, surrounded by a scattering of tools and a busted toolbox. She hisses and rolls onto her back, grimacing in pain.

"Whoa, hey," Finn says, alarmed. He crouches down, looking her over quickly. He spies a ladder nearby, the wing right above, and can only come to one conclusion. His field training kicks in and he puts a gentle hand on the outside of her thigh, somewhere he figures is safe and free of injury.

"What's your name?" he asks, his eyes scanning the tools. He finds a penlight.

"Eranah," she gasps. "Oh _kriff_ , that hurts," she whines, shifting her arm gingerly.

"What happened, Eranah?" Finn asks, though he's sure he knows. He wants to keep her talking.

"F-fell, from the wing," Eranah answers, her teeth gritted. "Was working on the cannon—"

"That's alright," Finn says soothingly. "I'm here to help. My name is Finn. Can I check your eyes?" Eranah blinks her eyes open slowly and Finn checks her pupils with the penlight. They're catlike, and it's clear from that that's she's human _oid_ , not human itself, but Finn hopes his training will be sufficient anyways.

"I know you," she murmurs foggily. Finn smiles. "You helped with Starkiller..."

"I did. Can you follow my finger?"

Finn checks her out carefully, being so tender with each joint. She's certainly got a concussion, as well as a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. He gets up to run to the door and call for help, someone with a levistretcher maybe, when he sees Dr. Kalonia watching from the doorway, an impressed smile on her face.

"Doctor," Finn sputters in greeting. "Why didn't you come help?"

"It seems you had it handled pretty well on your own," Kalonia says with a small smile. "I did call you a stretcher, though. Ah, and there it is now." She steps out of the way so the medics can come through. Finn pulls himself to his feet, letting them take over.

Once they're in the medwing, Finn takes his shirt off and lets Kalonia check his scar.

"It's certainly healed up quite nicely," she reconfirms. "That bacta did wonders for you. No stiffness or nerve damage?"

"None that I've noticed," Finn says with a shrug.

"Well, that's good news." Kalonia smiles at him for a moment before she speaks again. "You know, we could use another medic..."

"Who, _me_? " Finn asks incredulously. His only long-term experience with medics had been the First Order doctors, who were all just that—doctors, with years of extensive medical schooling pertaining to various species... "I don't... have the credentials," he says weakly.

"Well, beggars can't be choosers, can they?" Kalonia says with a shrug. "Especially after the Hosnian tragedy... Only a handful of us are actually doctors, myself the most credentialed. But we all learn from each other, we defer to each other if there's something we can't handle, and we do a pretty good job, if I do say so myself." She smiles proudly. "And you, Finn, have the makings of an excellent medic—dedicated, kind, patient... Yes, I can see all of that in you. And your field skills certainly aren't a detriment," she adds. "Eranah was very lucky you were there to help her. So what do you say? Want to learn how to heal our wounded, instead of fighting on the front lines?"

Finn had already made the decision to stay with the Resistance. He knows it's important to Poe, and he does trust that Poe loves him. He doesn't want to ask Poe to pick between the Resistance and him. He doesn't want to just idle around (though he's sure the General would allow it), but he doesn't feel like he can fight anymore, either. Sure, there's a difference between what the First Order had asked him to do and what the Resistance would, and he's reasonably sure the Resistance is a whole hell of a lot more ethical, but still.

What's to say there aren't more 'troopers like him, just waiting for their chance to defect? Especially now that he suspects word of him might've made it through the 'trooper barracks. He can't deny the threat that the First Order poses, not only to him and his loved ones, but to the whole galaxy and beyond. But he can't personally pick up a blaster rifle and fire on anyone who just hasn't been given a chance yet to get out, like he had been given.

He can't fight for the Resistance, not against the First Order. But he can still do something to aid them, something to repay them for everything they've done for him. Some way to earn his keep. He looks up at Kalonia and smiles.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that."


	9. Homecoming

Poe wakes Finn up in the middle of the night.

"What?" Finn mumbles, curling into a tight ball. Behind him, off the edge of the bed on the floor, is BB-8, dancing and beeping, flashing a light on her dome.

"I said you have to wake up," Poe says urgently, but it's kind, warm. "Beebee says Rey's back."

Finn's awake in an instant. He pulls on some loose clothing over his sleep clothes. He knows he should probably try to look more presentable, but it's the middle of the night. Also, he really doesn't think Rey cares.

_Rey_. He can't believe she's finally back. But also, he can't believe she's back so _soon_. It's hardly been two weeks since she's been gone. It feels like it's been forever.

Two weeks since the destruction of Starkiller. Two weeks since Finn survived a lightsaber to the back. Two weeks since he woke up cared for rather than spaced. Two weeks since he told Poe he loves him. Two weeks that he's been sleeping in Poe's bed. Two weeks since they'd been intimate in the shower. Two weeks, and they haven't really talked about any of it.

It's not that Finn is uncomfortable with talking about it. It just never comes up. It never feels like a good time. Finn is busy in the medwing all day, and Poe is happy that he's busy. Poe works on his X-Wing, and Finn is happy that Poe is busy. They eat meals together, and they shower together sometimes, and they enjoy their evenings together before falling asleep in the same bed. They tell each other that they love one another quite a bit, and that feels like enough.

But Finn is worried that it isn't enough. Honestly, he's just glad Rey is back, as he hurries down the hallway with Poe, their hands clasped, BB-8 hot on their heels. Maybe she'll know what to do about all this.

They get out onto the tarmac just as the _Falcon_ 'sboarding ramp comes down. It's raining steadily, and it seems like at least half the base is out here waiting. The General is among them, of course, waiting patiently for the return of her brother.

Chewbacca is the first one down the ramp, with Artoo right behind him. Beebee rolls right up to Artoo and they start chattering excitedly. Chewie roars triumphantly, apparently glad to have found Luke, his old friend, and pulls the General into an embrace.

Next comes Rey, looking as radiant as ever, and Finn can't help it. He jumps and punches the air.

"You're back!" he shouts, and runs up to the boarding ramp. Rey grins and meets him halfway.

"Look who's awake," she says, warmly surprised, and pulls Finn into a hug. It's just as good as the one on Starkiller was, and Finn holds her tightly.

"I'm so glad you're back," he whispers. "I missed you. We all did."

Rey pulls back and touches Finn's face, smiling up at him, and Finn almost thinks she's about to say something when movement catches the corner of his eye.

Luke Skywalker comes down the ramp and everyone falls silent. He's certainly aged since the images Finn has seen of him, but he carries it well, graceful as he descends onto the wet tarmac in the shadow of the _Falcon_. The General steps up to him, and they look at each other for a long, charged moment before he pulls her into his arms. She buries her face in Luke's robe, and Finn doesn't have to guess who they're both thinking of. A shameless tear rolls down Luke's cheek, and he leads his sister through the crowd and back into the hangar, out of the rain. With that gesture, the greeting party seems to be over, and everyone hastens inside out of the worsening storm. Chewie shuts the _Falcon_ 'sdoor as they leave.

Finn leads Rey into the hangar where Poe is waiting for them, watching with a fond smile. Rey steps up to him and gives him a tight hug, apropos of nothing.

"Thank you for taking care of him," Finn hears her whisper. Poe returns the hug briefly, shutting his eyes and smiling.

"It was no trouble at all." Poe lets her go and holds a hand out to Finn. He takes it, still slightly bewildered.

"You've met?"

"Briefly," Rey says. "While you were unconscious, I came to say goodbye to you. He was by your side—the whole time," she adds. "I knew I could trust him to take care of you."

Finn smiles at her, letting himself be pulled into Poe's arms. Poe leans up to kiss Finn's forehead, and Finn keeps his eyes on Rey, both of them smiling at each other. Finn is so happy in this moment, surrounded by the two people he loves most in the galaxy. He turns and kisses Poe softly.

"Where's she gonna sleep tonight?" Finn asks quietly.

"I'll sleep on the _Falcon_ ," Rey starts, but Finn is looking so earnestly at Poe...

Poe sighs. "Wanna bunk with us?" he offers. Rey looks between the two of them.

"...Is there really room?" she asks skeptically.

Finn grins. "Not really, but it's just for one night, yeah?" He already knows Rey will want her own space for the long term—or at least her own bed. She smiles and nods, confirming his thought.

"Yeah. Okay. One night. But just because I missed you."

Finn remembers how they'd squeezed together onto a cot on the _Falcon  _their first night aboard, neither of them used to their surroundings or their current predicament.

Poe leads them back to the room, and they find BB-8 already powered down on her charging dock for the rest of the night. Finn is sure she'll have plenty of catching up to do with Artoo when the sun comes up. They strip out of their rain-damp clothes, and Finn lends Rey some things to sleep in. She changes in the 'fresher, and Poe pulls Finn close, looking incredibly sleepy.

"You look like you're ready to go back to bed," Finn murmurs, lifting his fingers to trace the circles under Poe's eyes. Poe shuts his eyes and nods.

"Happy they're home, though. Happy you've got Rey back," Poe whispers, a small smile on his lips. Finn leans in to kiss him.

"I love her," Finn says, quiet and simple.

"I know."

"Not the way I love you, though."

"I know," Poe repeats, opening his eyes. "People love different people in different ways. That's okay. That's _good_."

Rey comes back from the 'fresher and sets her damp clothes to dry, hanging from the chair at the work table. She sees the leather jacket still lying there, and reaches out to touch it.

"It needs mending" Finn mumbles quietly. "Haven't found the time yet."

"I'll do it," Rey says decisively. "I've mended and altered all my clothes my whole life. It's the least I can do to pay you both back."

They crawl into bed, and Rey's skin is cold against Finn's. He pulls the blanket up over her as she mumbles something about it always being cold on the _Falcon_. He huddles close to her, determined to warm her up, and feels Poe slide into bed behind him. It's a tight squeeze with all three of them, but Finn has never felt this cozy in his life, falling asleep between his two favorite people, the sound of a thunderstorm outside.

 

===

 

Finn wakes up the next morning to find Rey already gone, and the sun just starting to stream through the window. He didn't even feel her leave. Sleepily, he rolls over and snuggles into Poe's warmth. Whatever she's up to, she can keep it for herself—he much prefers to sleep in.

Early morning meditation, he finds out later that day, is what she was up to. It turns out she has a standing arrangement with Master Skywalker, as she calls him. She tells Finn this as they bring lunch to Poe, just like Finn does every day. He hopes Poe won't mind Rey coming along.

"But isn't it awful, waking up that early?" Finn asks. Rey shrugs.

"You get used to it. Besides, didn't you have to wake up early when you were a 'trooper?"

"Yeah, I guess, but... now I don't have to. So I don't." Finn laughs.

"What do you even do all day?" Rey teases goodnaturedly.

"Hey, I do things! Just, y'know, after a respectable hour." Finn shoves her shoulder playfully. "I'll have you know, I'm training to be a medic."

Rey doesn't say anything to that, simply gives him a small smile. Finn thinks he can see a bit of pride shining out of her eyes. She has a way of simply... ending a conversation when she doesn't see it going anywhere. It's a bit unnerving to Finn at first, but he also appreciates its honesty.

Poe, as it happens, doesn't mind Rey coming along at all. They find him puzzling over something in his engine, smeared with grease, looking incredibly frustrated.

"Hi," Finn greets warmly, setting the food down on the nearby workbench.

"Hey," Poe sighs, pushing a hand through his hair as he steps over. Finn puts a warm hand on Poe's waist and leans up to kiss Poe's cheekbone, relatively devoid of grime.

"What are you working on?" Rey asks, eyeing the engine.

"Trying to do some modifications," Poe mumbles. He picks up the datapad from the workbench. Finn can see the A-Wing manual open. Poe's been puzzling over this since Finn woke up, it seems. "You know anything about engines?" he asks Rey.

"Let her take a look," Finn answers for Rey, a proud grin on his face. "She did some crazy stuff in the _Falcon_ —she knows her way around a ship."

Poe looks at Rey, impressed. "That so?"

"Rebuilt a whole ship, back on Jakku," she says, setting her jaw stubbornly. "Months of work. I'm sure I could figure out an X-Wing."

Poe laughs and hands her the manual. He explains the A-Wing component he's trying to integrate, and she stares hard at the diagram as he speaks, nodding. Despite the food waiting for them, she takes it immediately and wanders over to the engine. Finn watches with mild interest as he picks up what he now knows is a sandwich from the pile of them on the tray.

"Quite a catch," Poe says fondly, watching as she gets elbow-deep in the engine, no hesitation.

"Yeah, she's something, alright."

They're almost finished with lunch when Rey wanders over. She takes the rag from Poe's pocket to wipe her hands clean, and then grabs a sandwich. Finn swallows his mouthful.

"That was quick... Figure out what he needs to do?" he asks her.

Rey simply gives him a bright, close-lipped smile, mouth full of food. She finishes her sandwich hastily, licks her fingers clean, and grabs another.

"I have training," she then says simply, and she's gone. Poe whistles lowly and turns to Finn, eyebrows raised.

"Hope she made some notes for you or something," Finn says as Poe walks over to check out the engine. Poe pauses, staring at it, and then turns to Finn with a blank expression.

"She did it. I don't know _how_ she did it, but she did it."

 

===

 

Finn finds Rey out by the nearby river in the afternoon. Poe is busy making a few last-minute adjustments before he takes Black One up for a spin, and of course BB-8 is very excited to try out the new modifications. That leaves him alone, searching for where Rey might be found after her training. After a quick scan of the likely places—his room, the mess, the tarmac—he follows a hunch and wanders down the old trail to the river.

The trees are wild here, their thick trunks growing strongly up to the canopy where their leaves bloom in a rainbow of colors. The vines that drape overhead make Finn feel comforted, like everything is connected and interwoven. He's just started to be able to identify the birds he can hear chattering above him, though he's only been able to see them once or twice. The river, when he comes upon it, is swift and deep, a secretive, murky color. He can see the slice of a dorsal fin through the surface every now and then, but otherwise has no idea what lurks within it.

Rey is meditating when Finn finds her. Quietly, he sits down next to her. She seems so calm, perfectly still and radiating a sort of peace about her. Finn finds it soothing. He shuts his eyes and tries to feel what she's feeling. He feels a little foolish at first, but eventually finds comfort in just relaxing, with no sort of social expectations on him.

"He's good for you," Rey says, soft but sudden, and Finn startles. He's not sure how much time has passed. He opens his eyes and finds her staring at him, serene and rested.

"What?" Finn feels as if she's picking up a conversation they never even started.

"Poe," she says simply. "You were thinking about him. I could feel it."

Finn frowns. Had he been thinking about Poe? It didn't feel like it. He's confronted by the idea that maybe he just thinks about Poe, without even realizing it. Maybe Poe is just constantly on his mind, subconsciously, always in the back of his thoughts...

"It's a good thing," Rey assures him, and she repeats, "He's good for you. And you're good for him."

Finn thinks they must be good for each other, to keep coming together again and again across every lifetime. Either that, or... A worry rises up in him. _ Maybe it's a punishment_, he thinks for the first time. _Maybe we're doomed to fail, again and again, for some past wrong... Are we destined to fall in love? Or are we doomed to lose it?_

"Rey..." Finn starts quietly. "What do you think about Poe?"

It's a broad question. Finn supposes he could have framed it better, but the way Rey's face goes thoughtful, already considering her answer, makes him stop before trying to rephrase it.

"He's kind," she says after a long moment. "Very loyal. Fights for what he believes in. He's patient, sometimes, when it counts. But he's reckless, too," she adds, her mouth pulling into a frown. "Or at least he has been. Perhaps that will change." After a pause, she looks at Finn. "He loves you very much."

"I know," Finn mumbles. "And I love him too. But it scares me sometimes. Because he  _is  _reckless. But even beside that, things... things happen," he says fearfully. "Things have happened before," he adds, and he feels his voice waver, like he's saying something he's afraid he shouldn't.

Rey waits patiently while Finn sorts out his thoughts. He's never told anyone about the dreams, not since his stormtrooper days, and he knows how well that worked out for him. But Rey is not Phasma—Rey is kind, and Rey is his friend. He shouldn't have to fear sharing this with her. But further than that, these aren't dreams, and he knows that now. Somehow, admitting to someone that he remember his past lives seems... terrifying. Like a fragile piece of himself he's handing over.

Finn looks at Rey's face. She's still waiting, but in the most serene way. It doesn't feel like she's expectant, simply open to the possibility of Finn telling her something—like she could take it or leave it. It puts Finn instantly at ease. He wonders if she's always been this way, or if this is something new she's learned.

"I used to have these dreams," Finn begins. "I've had them all through my life, visions of people I'd never met—lovers, all of them, in some fashion... Most requited, though a few... sadly not. Visions of _a_ lover, I should say—the other one was always me, from my point of view... Like a memory... And they were so _sensory_ , like no dream I'd ever had. I could see everything in vivid color, taste, smell, feel... I could feel _everything_...

"I was punished for them. I guess for... believing in something that wasn't the First Order. Believing in love, in hope... Phasma tried to recondition them out of my head, but they kept coming back... So I just learned to not talk about them. But I remember them, each and every one. And then I... I met Poe, and I realized... they weren't dreams at all." Finn looks at Rey's face as he tells her, "They were memories—memories of lives that I didn't even know I had lived, of lovers I didn't even know I had loved... But not even lovers—a _lover_ , always the same one, again and again, and I was the same too, again and again, I _am_ —"

Finn stops himself. He can feel himself getting emotional over it, and he realizes how much it's taken a toll on him, not being able to talk to anyone about this. He feels Rey set a warm hand on his knee, and he takes a breath, organizing his thoughts.

"They're past lives of mine," Finn says more calmly. "Reincarnating, through time and space, always leading back to the same person, the same soul in a new body... And I think... I think that's _Poe_ ," he murmurs.

"Why are you afraid?" Rey asks quietly, hearing the fear in his voice. Finn drops his eyes to her hand on his knee.

"Because it's never ended well. In every dream, I've had to watch my lovers leave, or die, or simply neglect to begin anything, left with desperate longing that never gets resolved..." He swallows. "Two times in this life, I've almost died," Finn whispers. "Two times, I came _really_ close. Two times, since I found him again. But I didn't die. Two times, I came back to him, and we're  still here, and we haven't _talked  _about it, and I'm _worried_ —" Finn rubs a hand over his face.

"I don't know why I'm still here," Finn whispers, and it sounds broken, even to his own ears. "I don't know why I've been given more chances. It's never happened like this before. And I'm so scared that I'm going to lose him, that I'm going to have to watch him die, _again_..."

Rey pulls Finn into a hug, and Finn returns it gratefully.

"I knew it the moment I saw him with you," Rey says quietly. "In the medwing, before I left. It only was brighter when I saw you two last night, standing together on the tarmac. The Force that flows between you and Poe is... unlike anything I've ever felt before. I know I'm new to this, but Master Skywalker agrees."

"You talked to him about us?" Finn asks. He can't tell if he's honored or mortified. Rey lets out a small laugh at the tone of his voice.

"He asked about you. He knows you're important to me. And he can see that Poe is important to you. The feeling of the Force between you two..." Rey pauses, like she's searching for the right words. "It's ancient. Strong. Wrapped around and in upon itself in a way that's..." Finn feels her shaking her head. "It's what's brought you together, time and time again." She says it as if it's obvious, with no judgment at all, and Finn feels like a weight has been lifted. She  _believes  _him.

"So you really think...?" he asks tentatively.

"I do," Rey says. "And I think you should speak with Master Skywalker. He's infinitely more practiced than I am—he can help you, both of you, to talk about it."

Finn thinks there's nothing more terrifying in that moment than taking his love problems to  _Luke Skywalker_ , but Rey is probably right. This feels like something big, something astronomical, and having a hand in talking about it with Poe is probably a wise idea. He kisses Rey's hair and slowly untangles from her arms as he pulls himself to his feet.

"Thank you, Rey..." He can't find more words, but a simple 'thank you' doesn't feel like enough. She smiles simply up at him.

"You deserve to be happy, Finn. You can't waste any time."


	10. Recollection

Meeting Luke Skywalker for the first time is incredibly surreal.

Poe remembers stories his mother used to tell him about Luke Skywalker—always with the full name. There was one in particular he loved, in which his mom would claim that she had gone on a mission with him to save a Force-sensitive tree from an Imperial base. They had been surprised by the fact that there were two saplings, and in thanks, Luke Skywalker had given her the spare sapling. His mom always said that was the tree that grew in their front yard, and Poe had believed it so strongly as a child. As he grew into a teenager, though, he had wondered if his mother had made that part up.

"Poe Dameron," Luke Skywalker greets from a chair as Poe and Finn find their way into the library, where they've agreed to meet after dinner. "How is the tree?"

Poe's feet stumble to a stop. There's a small, knowing smile about the old Jedi's face, as if he knows the doubts Poe had about the tree's origins. Poe clears his throat.

"I imagine it's thriving, sir," he answers. "It seems you already know me—"

"I do, indeed," Skywalker interrupts with a broad smile. "So much of your mother in you... And her talent for flight, I hear."

Luke Skywalker is here— _Luke Skywalker_ , ace pilot of the Rebel Alliance days, Poe's greatest inspiration after his own mother, _here_ , telling Poe he's heard what a great pilot he is...

"I like to think so," Poe says with a bit of a disbelieving grin. "Um, I'd like to introduce you to someone, Commander Skywalker, sir."

The Jedi Master scoffs, followed by a warm laugh. "Please, son. It's been a long time since I've been a commander... Just Luke," he invites.

Poe swallows and nods. "Thank you, sir. This is... Finn," he introduces. Finn steps forward slightly, and seems to be just as starstruck as Poe is.

"You hardly need any introduction, Finn," Luke says warmly. "I've heard a lot about you from Rey."

"Likewise," Finns says a bit faintly. Luke laughs and gestures to the empty chairs across a small table from him.

"Please, have a seat. I'm just an old man who's happened to be in the right place at the right time," Luke chuckles, waving his hand dismissively.

"You're a hero, sir," Finn insists earnestly as he takes his seat.

"As I hear it, so are you." Luke smiles serenely.

Poe sits down beside Finn. He has no real idea why they're here, simply that Finn had said they should go and meet Luke, that Rey had thought it was a good idea. Finn had seemed a bit nervous, but Poe figured that was on account of going to meet Luke Skywalker. Now, though, with introductions out of the way, Finn seems to be struggling to find words, in a way that transcends awkward jitters.

"What's on your mind, Finn?" Luke asks kindly, perceptive as ever. After a moment, Finn starts speaking.

"I was talking to Rey this afternoon, and I... told her about something that's been bothering me for a long time."

Poe briefly wonders why he's here. Maybe Finn wanted him for support. He listens carefully as Finn continues.

"It has to do with these... dreams I have. Dreams that aren't really dreams, they're... Well, I think they're... memories."

Finn pauses there, and it's just as well, because Poe feels something skip in his chest. Dreams that are memories? Like _Poe's  _dreams that are memories? He looks at Finn, mouth slightly open. Has Finn been feeling what Poe feels?

"This seems to be a shock to you, Poe," Luke says, startling Poe out of his thoughts. Poe clears his throat.

"Uh... Yeah," Poe says weakly. He turns to Finn. "Why didn't you tell me?" he breathes.

Finn shifts uncomfortably. "I didn't know what you'd say about them. They're..." Finn turns back to Luke. "They're vivid. And I feel fairly sure that... they're past lives of mine."

Poe is floored. He thought he was alone in this. Really, the only thing that he can remember cluing him in to this is the language thing—both of them able to speak and understand a language that by all rights should be foreign to them. But Poe had figured by now that it was just some coincidence, maybe something picked up from a holovid, or else... Had it even happened at all? They've spoken only Basic since that morning.

"Me too," Poe finally breathes. The look Finn turns on him is about as surprised as he had felt. "I have the same dreams, like... like I'm looking through someone else's eyes, speaking someone else's language... But they're always me, through different bodies—different races, ages, sexes... And I'm always with someone I... Someone I love." He looks at Finn. "Always the same someone, but in different bodies too."

Luke is quiet for a moment, taking everything in. He watches the two of them, and then slowly leans his elbows onto the table.

"I sense something very old in the bond between you two—a sort of tether that has always been there, twined around your souls, never letting them stray far apart." Luke's eyes fall shut as he feels out the Force around them. "It's frayed, in some areas... Firm in others... Newly patched in others still. I wonder..." Luke opens his eyes again. "I wonder if you would find something worthwhile in meditation."

"Rey was meditating when I found her this afternoon," Finn says.

Luke smiles. "Yes, she quite likes it. It's soothing sometimes, yet at other times can be very challenging. I think she likes the balance between the two. It's very helpful for exploring the corners of one's mind. Perhaps you would benefit from an exploration into your past—both of you."

Poe looks at Finn, who seems skeptical but intrigued. He supposes it's worth a shot. Waiting for images to come to him in a dream has been... Well, it had been unintentional, but even so, it doesn't feel like the most effective technique. If Luke has a way for them to tap into those memories intentionally... Poe's willing to give it a shot.

"Do you have an idea for how to help us?" Poe asks, and his voice shakes slightly. He feels Finn take his hand, and he knows Finn knows he's thinking about the last time someone used the Force in conjunction with his mind. "What would that help... entail?"

"I've spoken to my sister about what my nephew did to you," Luke says, quiet and serious. "I apologize on his behalf. I know it can never make up for the pain he's caused you, but it comes from my own failings. I feel partially culpable." Luke is silent for a long moment.

"I don't blame you," Poe says after a few seconds, and Luke gives him a small, wry smile.

"That's kind of you. Not everyone would agree." After another moment, Luke finally answers. "I'd like to touch your minds gently enough to orchestrate your memories together—certainly not deep enough to extract anything you don't willingly give up," he assures them. "But if I can take an impression of a memory from, let's say, _your  _mind, Finn, and share it with Poe's, I can try to sync your minds into past lives for you to relive together."

Poe considers this for a long moment, and then nods.

"Let's give it a try."

 

===

 

Poe feels himself sink into the memories, and it's like finding an old toy from his childhood or something equally as nostalgic. He reels with recognition, finally seeing everything clearly. No more shady dreamscapes, smeared colors and echoed clips of phrases—just simple, straightforward, as if he's watching a holovid of a life through someone else's eyes. But they're _his_ eyes.

They don't need to relive all the lives, they'd decided. Who knows how long they had been reincarnating, finding each other again and again? It could have been thousands of years—thousands of years of _pain_ , Poe recognizes as a possibility. No, they'd settled for a few lifetimes. And Luke would help them, examining the bonds of Force between them and bringing to light certain meetings that seem to stand out in various ways.

His name is Nwakem. He's employed as a servant at the palace. He meets the familiar soul of his eternal lover in the form of the princess, Abijemu. The leather collar that marks her ownership of him is worn with pride. The years fly by and he feels the sweet sting of love for someone he can never have, but he feels it requited to some degree, secret though it remains. In time, Abijemu is married, but keeps Nwakem close to her throughout the years.

The next time they meet, he is Tybr, climbing out of his ship in the hangar of a spaceport. He recognizes his princess as Hmal. He senses Hmal's attraction and becomes an insufferable flirt. They become fast friends and he brings gifts back for Hmal, always executing some fancy flying maneuver on his way back home to let Hmal know he is well. He pines after Hmal, but is too nervous to make a move, not wanting to ruin their friendship.

He is Qesh, welcoming a newcomer to his village. This newcomer, Loth, is married, which doesn't matter until Qesh recognizes him. Loth seems to recognize him too, and the lingering looks Loth casts burn on his skin. He knows he'd take Loth away from his wife at the earliest chance, and it makes his skin crawl. He won't let his love become an adulterer. Qesh spirals into a string of unfulfilling relationships, too helplessly attached to Loth to let anything else come to fruition.

 

===

 

Finn feels his heart pounding as all the memories flood through him, the emotion stronger than it had been in even his most vivid dreams. He's aware of Poe's hand against his, squeezing every so often as Luke weaves their memories together into a shared experience.

He is called Ishtel. Wandering the streets and alleyways of a populated city, he sees her—beautiful, alluring, familiar... He knows she's who he's encountered lifetime after lifetime. She meets his eyes and is gone, pushed along by the crowdflow. He goes after her, and finds her in an alley, assaulted by criminals. He saves her and they share a drink. Her name is Mhadj. One thing leads to another, and they spend the night in his hotel. When he wakes in the morning, she's gone, and he aches hollowly. He never finds her again.

He's a woman in this life, a woman named Aestin. She's visiting a cantina that is familiar to Finn—Maz's castle?—on her smuggling route. There's a beautiful creature leaning against the bar, long legs in tight leather pants, not much by way of a top... The woman says her name is Xul. She works out of the cantina, and Aestin knows she's found her love again. Though Xul seems to recognize her as well, she's held strictly to business by her employer. Aestin frequents the cantina over several months, a generous client of Xul's, until one day when Xul has simply vanished. No one can tell Aestin where she's gone.

He is Sah'ri, a doctor in a hospital on the outskirts of a civil war. He recognizes Bestel the moment he's brought in, a civilian with a major head wound that is bleeding profusely. He does everything he can for him, not just because it's his job but because he knows who Bestel is, and he doesn't want to lose him again. Bestel begins a slow and shaky recovery and Sah'ri spends every hour he can with him, reading to him out of a leather-bound book. But before long, Bestel develops a brain infection and slips into a coma. He never wakes, and Sah'ri never moves on.

He's Finn again, or for the first time. While on a spy mission, he encounters Rivas, his opponent—which causes his heart to sink as he recognizes him, yet again. He always knows. And he also knows he won't waste this life fighting him. Taking this sudden change of heart in stride, Rivas promises to help Finn escape. Finn hardly has time to acknowledge Rivas's comrades as they're discovered before he feels the sharp sting of a bullet in his breast.

 

===

 

Rivas is imprisoned for treason, feeling the ache of loss yet again.

In the next life, he's Kadri, selling his wares in the marketplace near the construction of a new building. One of the workers introduces himself as Hadwin—he's found him again. He shares his lunch with Hadwin every day, and takes him willingly into his bed. It's bliss, until the accident. Kadri lives on, waking every night from nightmares of Hadwin being crushed, over and over.

Dash. No. Not again.

Poe comes gasping back to himself, shaking and sweating. He can't be Dash again. Finn is still in a trance beside him, and Poe squeezes his hand tightly. If Finn wants to feel this, he'll let him. Slowly, Finn's face crumples until he comes sobbing back to himself. Poe takes him into his arms and holds him tightly, running a soothing hand up and down his back.

"Shh, it's okay," Poe whispers. "I'm here. It's Poe, and you're here with me, and everything is okay..."

"You killed me—I begged you to kill me," Finn gasps, and Poe pulls him closer.

"That's over," he reminds Finn, mumbling into his cropped hair. "We're here now, and I'm going to keep you safe." He feels Finn's hands gripping his shirt tightly, and he keeps him close. "I love you. I've always loved you. I just... had a little trouble saying it, sometimes. Most times," he admits with a forced smile.

"I love you too," Finn breathes, his shaking starting to subside.

Poe finally looks up at Luke, who is watching them with a deep, thoughtful expression. There isn't an ounce of judgment in it. They look at each other for a long moment before Luke stands. He puts a hand on Poe's shoulder in passing.

"This is only the beginning of the conversation," Luke says quietly. "Go back to your quarters and talk about this. It seems it's been a long time coming." He smiles kindly. Just before he leaves, he adds, "Your mother told me a fairytale once, at a celebration. She said it was her son's favorite." Luke smiles knowingly. "You might want to tell it to Finn."


	11. Rediscovery

BB-8 is waiting for them back at their quarters. Poe smiles at her and sets a hand on her dome.

"Hey, buddy. It's bedtime, huh?" he asks. Behind him, Finn sits on the edge of their bed. "How about we run some updates on you?" Beebee twitters excitedly and Poe smiles. He starts her updates and she rolls under the work table in the fifteen seconds before her system goes into standby mode.

Poe climbs onto the bed beside Finn and takes his hand. He doesn't know where to start. He can hazard a guess that Finn hadn't remembered that last life yet, and he remembers just how traumatic it was to relive it.

"Hey," Poe says quietly. Finn squeezes his hand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my dreams."

"Why would you?" Finn asks. "What sort of person dreams of their past lives like that? It's why I didn't tell you about mine, either. I was worried you... wouldn't understand. I was worried that maybe I was wrong about you at first—not about _loving  _you," he explains hastily, "but about you being the one I've dreamt about my whole life... But then, once I was sure, I thought that you'd... think I only wanted you because I thought you were that person..."

Poe pulls Finn into his arms, rubbing his back. He can't help but let out a small laugh.

"So I guess we were both having those thoughts, then, huh?" he says softly, amused. "Hold on a second."

Poe leans over to his bedside table and grabs his datapad. He opens up a file—his list of names. He scrolls through it, feeling the freshly overturned memories associated with each of the couples.

"I was Bestel and you were Sah'ri... I was Qesh and you were Loth... I was Xul and you were Aestin... I was Nwakem and you were Abijemu... Once I started noticing the pattern, I started writing the names down, hoping I'd find some meaning in them someday. There were others, too—times when I didn't catch your name. Times when I was Jip, Ulen, Peskalt, Nzir... Times when I might've only given you the time of day, and watched you walk right out of my life, unable to do anything about it..."

Poe looks up to see Finn watching him, a strange expression on his face. Poe runs his thumb along Finn's jaw, watching him patiently, waiting to see what he'll say. Finn swallows.

"For the longest time, I thought I was alone," Finn breathes. "I thought I was the only person having dreams like that... And they punished me for them, and they tried to stomp them out, tried to stomp out the hope in me that I'd find someone like I saw in my dreams... And it never worked, and that hurt just as bad, and then you... You came into my life and everything made _sense_."

"You needed me," Poe murmurs, and Finn smiles.

"I needed you. I still do."

The way Finn looks at him as he says it is intoxicating, and he needs to kiss him in that moment. He leans in and catches Finn's lips softly, moving his hand to cup Finn's jaw. Finn responds eagerly, pushing a hand into Poe's hair, before breaking the kiss abruptly.

"What's wrong?" Poe whispers, stroking Finn's jaw.

"I'm... What if I lose you again?" Finn breathes. Poe rests their foreheads together.

"Don't worry about that... Be here with me, right now, in our bed. Don't worry about what may or may not happen, just... enjoy yourself. Enjoy me."

"I want you," Finn says a bit more firmly. "I've wanted you for so long, through so many lifetimes where I did or didn't get to have you, and..." Finn seems to make up his mind. He shoves Poe down to the pillows with a shyly triumphant sort of smile. "I'm not taking my chances with you anymore. I love you, and I'm gonna feel every _inch  _of your skin against mine."

" _Oh_ yeah," Poe chuckles with a grin, stretching out comfortably. "Go ahead, babe. Anything you want."

"Anything I want?" Finn leans down and starts to unfasten Poe's tunic. The first touch of his warm hands as he dips them under the fabric has them both sighing. Poe helps him get the fabric off, and then goes for Finn's shirt. "I want you to make me feel as good as all of those dream memories did," Finn whispers. Poe moans as he tugs Finn's shirt off.

"You remember the way I used to touch you?" Poe breathes, running his hands down Finn's sides, making him shiver. Finn licks his lips and nods. "Me too. I remember exactly what you liked..."

"I remember too," Finn murmurs, and he leans down to kiss Poe's neck, slow and deliberate.

Finn's lips are soft and wet, and Poe can feel Finn's tongue, tasting his skin. In a matter of seconds, the kiss turns purposeful, and Finn sucks firmly, sinking his teeth into Poe's neck, laying claim on him. Poe moans, helpless in the pleasure of it, as he squeezes Finn's hips. He'd let Finn do whatever he wanted in this moment, but Finn pulls off to admire his handiwork, seemingly satisfied for now.

"Want to claim you," Finn breathes. "So nobody can doubt that you're mine..."

Poe moans and rolls Finn onto his back. He starts to work Finn's trousers off, leaning up to kiss him. Finn is warm and responsive under him, running his hands over Poe's skin and making contented noises into his mouth. Poe strips out of his own trousers and moves to lie next to Finn in their underwear. Finn pushes a hand through Poe's curls, pressing close. Poe can feel him hard against his hip.

"I remember how good you felt inside of me," Finn murmurs, his voice low. "How you'd sink so deep into me," he continues, leaning in to Poe's ear. "I want you inside of me again. I want to feel it," he begs.

" _Kriff_ , yeah, Finn," Poe gasps. "I want to feel you around me, I want to make you cum, make you feel _so good_..."

Finn rolls to straddle Poe and shifts his hips as he gets comfortable. He grinds against him, the layers of their underwear rubbing and teasing, and he braces his hands on Poe's chest. Poe gazes up at him, matching his pace, his mouth falling open as he pants softly.

"Nobody ever touched me before you," Finn says, breathy. "Before the other week in the shower. Not in this body... I didn't have anyone, except for the you in my dreams and my own hands. And now I get the real deal." Finn grins.

"Yeah, sweetheart," Poe moans, "I'm all yours."

Finn is making his head spin. The way he talks, all mouthy confidence despite having no experience to call his own... Especially when he mentions his own hands... It's frankly the most arousing thing Poe has ever heard. The thought of Finn lusting after him for so long... He wants to be so good for him. He reaches up to pull Finn down into a kiss, taking the opportunity to roll him onto his back again. Finn goes easily, wrapping his legs around Poe's waist.

"I love you," Finn whispers as Poe reaches down to pull their underwear off, first Finn's and then his own. He presses kisses into Finn's neck and shoulders. He feels Finn's hands sliding along his skin, stroking and squeezing. "I love you..."

"I love you too, Finn," Poe murmurs. He kisses down Finn's chest and licks over one of his nipples. His memories tell him it hasn't always been a favorite of Finn's, but Finn still appreciates it, sighing and squirming. He sucks softly as his hands work their way down to Finn's hips.

Finn's skin is soft and unmarred from a life in a bodysuit, so different to the other bodies of his that Poe has touched. Still, his hands seem to know every curve, as if even though the body is new, the soul within is so familiar that he knows his moves intrinsically. Finn, for his part, responds beautifully, pushing his hands into Poe's hair and guiding him shamelessly.

Finn's hands urge Poe south, and Poe grins as he nips his way down Finn's stomach. He looks up at Finn, finding him already gazing down. Their eyes meet and Finn moans sweetly, arching under Poe's touch.

"Those eyes," Finn murmurs. "I'd know those eyes anywhere..."

Poe smiles and keeps working his way down, following the dusting of hair from Finn's navel. His lips hit the base of Finn's cock and he holds his gaze.

"You look just beautiful down there," Finn whispers, pushing Poe's curls around with his hands, playing with them, a smile crawling onto his face. "It's like I'm looking through so many pairs of eyes... So many memories of you with your face between my legs..."

"And here you've got the real thing," Poe teases before running his tongue up Finn's length. Poe sinks his mouth down around Finn's length and almost feels the way Finn's moan reverberates through him.

Finn is hot and soft on Poe's tongue, tasting like salt and skin, and Poe can't get enough. He takes Finn in deep, slow strokes of his mouth, sucking languidly. Finn gasps and groans above him, and Poe feels his hands squeezing rhythmically in his hair.

Poe shuts his eyes and he could be doing this to anyone—but not anyone like the string of lovers he'd had before Finn. No, anyone like any one of Finn's incarnations. The way Finn's hands card through his hair, the way his hips flex... It's all so dizzyingly familiar. He pulls off with a pop, his eyes hooded as he gazes up at Finn.

Finn has the heel of his hand stuffed in his mouth to keep quiet, his eyes hooded and dark with need. Poe can see his chest heaving. It's such an endearing picture, he has to crawl up and kiss him. Finn accepts him eagerly, pulling him into a deep kiss. Poe feels one of Finn's hands leave his hair, and the next thing he knows, it's wrapped around his cock, stroking slowly. Poe falls out of the kiss with a gasp.

"Is this okay?" Finn asks quietly, and Poe nods, his eyes falling shut.

"Mmm, ysal, it's perfect," Poe breathes. Finn's hand slows to a stop and Poe blinks his eyes open. "What?" Finn is beaming at him.

"You called me ysal," Finn whispers. Poe hadn't realized. To his own ears, he understands perfectly.

"Because you are—sweet just like honey." Poe murmurs the words right into the skin of Finn's jaw, and then licks around the shell of Finn's ear. Finn laughs and squirms.

"Stop teasing and touch me," Finn insists, and Poe can't argue with that.

Poe reaches for the bedside table and grabs the bottle of lube stashed in the drawer. Finn watches, absently stroking Poe's cock, soft and languid. Poe licks his lips, shifting a bit.

"You wanna touch me some more first?" Poe offers. "Or do you want me to get on with it?" He gives Finn a teasing grin. Finn laughs.

"I can touch you more later. Right now I want to feel you in me... I want to feel you, not just the memory of you... Not just my own fingers."

Poe's brain shorts out for a second. He blinks a few times, and when he comes back online, Finn is watching him patiently.

"Did you just say your own fingers?" Poe asks, voice a bit rough. Finn shrugs, almost shy, and nods.

"I'd wake up from these dreams and just feel... empty, body and soul. Some nights there was nothing I could do but stumble off to the 'fresher and..." He trails off.

"Kriff, Finn, that's hot," Poe groans, dropping his head to Finn's chest. Finn laughs, shifting comfortably under him.

"So are you gonna get your fingers in me or not?" Finn murmurs, close to a purr, and Poe honestly can't believe his ears. His sweet, strong Finn, spouting filth like this? He pops the cap on the lube and coats his fingers well.

"I wanna watch you do this to yourself sometime," Poe says as he slides two fingers across Finn's entrance, slicking him and warming the skin. Finn nods and shifts his hips, his eyes locked on Poe. "Probably gonna feel a whole lot better with lube, too," Poe adds with a grin. Finn drops his head back to the pillow as Poe sinks a finger into him.

"Oh yeah," Finn gasps. "Way better..."

Poe rubs his free hand over Finn's belly as he works him open slowly. Finn lets his eyes shut, completely at ease, and Poe takes his careful time. He may know Finn, but this body is new and will need some attention. As soon as he feels Finn's abs relax, he pushes a second finger into him.

" _Oh_ ," Finn sighs, spreading his legs a bit. "Do you know how long I've wanted this?" he breathes.

"Probably just about as long as I have," Poe murmurs.

"Sleeping next to you every night... Smelling your hair... Waking up with you warm behind me, your cock against my leg..." Finn moans, soft and easy. "Just wanted you to roll over and fuck me right there," he gasps.

"Next time," Poe teases, and sinks his fingers as deep as they'll go. It pulls a satisfied groan out of Finn. "Do you like that?" he breathes.

"Yeah... Told you I like feeling you deep in me," Finn mumbles, pressing his hips into it. "Another," he begs. "One more, and then I wanna feel you fuck me right into the mattress."

Poe complies. He pours a bit more lube onto his fingers and sinks a third one in, feeling the way Finn stretches around him. Finn's abs are tight under the hand that Poe replaces over them, and he rubs soothingly.

"There you go," Poe murmurs. "Good, that’s good... You’re doing so well, Finn, sweetheart. Do you know how gorgeous you look?" Finn lets out a breathless laugh. "I mean it... I've waited years to find you," Poe whispers, leaning over Finn to kiss his chest, his stomach, and the head of his cock. "And now that I've got you... I intend to _thoroughly_  enjoy you."

Poe keeps his fingers working steadily until Finn is enthusiastically riding them, head tipped back as he lets out soft pants. Finn still has a hand on Poe, resting on his shoulder, but the other is twisted in the sheets, gripping tightly. After a last deep thrust, Poe slowly pulls his fingers out and leans down to kiss Finn's hip.

"Gimme your hand, ysal," Poe whispers as he sits up again. Finn tips his head up and holds out his hand, and Poe pours him a good amount of lube. "Get me nice and slick..."

Finn pulls Poe down into a kiss as he reaches between them, fumbling blindly a bit before he gets his hand wrapped around Poe's cock. He squeezes and strokes, twisting his hand over the head to make sure he's coated. Poe moans into Finn's mouth, kissing him until he's sure that Finn is just teasing him. He pulls back with a gasp, and Finn grins up at him instantly.

"Enjoying yourself?" Finn purrs.

"I could ask you the same thing," Poe laughs breathlessly, and pulls Finn's hand away by the wrist. "Come here so I can fuck you into the mattress, just like you asked." He smirks.

They fit together with a practiced ease. Finn pulls Poe down by the jaw with his clean hand as Poe shifts up on his knees. He brings Finn's legs up around his waist and shifts his stance, reaching between them to guide himself against Finn's entrance as he braces himself with the other hand. Finn bites Poe's lip softly, and Poe presses into him, slow and careful.

"Oh, stars," Finn whispers, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Poe stops instantly.

"Are you okay?" he asks, stroking Finn's waist, concerned. Finn nods quick and hard.

"Don't stop, I'm fine," he gasps, wrapping his arms around Poe's neck. Poe gives him another kiss, slow and sweet, and keeps easing into Finn bit by bit.

It doesn't take long before Poe slides home, his hips pressing against Finn's soft skin. Finn drags in a breath, tipping his head back against the pillows. Poe gazes down at his face, the perfect angles of it, bliss written across every feature. He watches the way Finn's face shifts as he pulls out slowly, all the way to the head, taking every measure of Poe's patience. He rocks back in and Finn groans, squeezing with his legs.

"Yeah?" Poe asks breathlessly, and Finn nods again.

" _Yes_ ," he begs. Poe moves his hips in another achingly slow thrust, savoring the motion, but Finn seems to be tensing under him. "C'mon, Poe, you can give me more than that," he breathes in a laugh.

"But you look absolutely delicious like this, desperate for each slide," Poe teases. Finn licks his lips.

"Desperate, huh?" Finn shifts, pressing Poe's backside gently with his heels. "I'll show you desperate."

The moment Poe is in to the hilt again, Finn tugs him down and rolls him over in what  _must  _be a practiced move from some other lifetime. Poe would bet credits it's from his time with Xul, Poe's escort incarnation from the cantina. Poe's back hits the mattress and he stares up at Finn in shock. Finn, for his part, is smirking smugly down at Poe, seated quite comfortably on his cock. Poe can only stand about two seconds of that look before he moans and melts into the pillows.

"Finn, you've gotta move," Poe begs, and Finn laughs, shifting his hips, getting situated.

"Now look who's desperate," he teases, but he leans down to capture Poe's lips, kissing him long and sweet.

As Finn curls his tongue into Poe's mouth, he slides up slowly, bracing a hand on the mattress over Poe's shoulder. He sinks back down and gasps against Poe’s lips. Poe moans and runs his hands down Finn's sides to grip his hips. He guides him slowly, helping him work into a rhythm, until the kiss becomes too much and Finn pulls back with a moan.

Finn sits up after that, using his weight to his advantage as he fucks himself hard on Poe's cock. He tips his head back, shameless in his pleasure, and Poe can hardly stand the sight of it. Finn's cock juts out proudly, hard and glistening at the tip, bobbing with each of Finn's motions. He's so beautiful.

" _Oh_ , Poe," Finn groans. He works his hips steadily, shifting the angle by measures, searching for that perfect spot. Poe keeps bucking softly up into Finn, breathing harshly as he watches Finn's face, until—

"Yes, oh _kriff_ , Poe," Finn whines, riding him hard, struggling to keep the perfect angle. "Right there, right _there_...!" Poe holds Finn's hips tightly, trying to nail that spot again and again...

"Touch yourself for me, ysal," Poe gasps.

Finn doesn't need to be told twice. He wraps a hand around himself, still slick from before, and strokes fast and tight. Poe fucks up into him, hard enough to hear the skin slapping. Finn gasps and topples forward to brace himself on a hand again. They lose the angle, but Finn's too far gone to care, jerking himself quickly over Poe's chest as he shoves eagerly back to meet each of Poe's thrusts.

"Yeah, that's it, Finn... You're so gorgeous, I want to watch you cum for me... Want to watch you cum all over me, sweetheart," Poe gasps.

"Ah, I'm gonna," Finn whines, biting his lip so tightly, and Poe feels like he's fit to burst with love.

"Me too, Finn... Can I cum inside you?" he pants, figuring it's only polite to ask. He discovers he hardly needs to, because Finn makes the most desperate noise he's ever heard.

" _Yes_ , ah kriff, I'm _cumming_ —"

Finn moans sharply as he spills, and squeezes so tight around Poe that he hardly notices Finn's cum as it lands on his chest and stomach in thick stripes. He's too busy fucking up into the tight heat, chasing the white-hot pleasure until it swallows him whole.

When Poe comes back to himself, Finn is lying on top of him, chest to chest, both of them panting as they catch their breath. Poe slips easily out of Finn, earning a soft noise, and he rolls Finn carefully onto the sheets. He presses a soft kiss to Finn's lips.

"I'll be right back, ysal," he whispers and climbs out of bed.

In the mirror in the refresher, he admires the mark Finn left on his neck. It's dark and splotchy, the bruising blooming nicely. Poe touches it gingerly with a fingertip. It's tender, and he knows he'll think of Finn whenever he turns his head for the next few days. He cleans himself off, then soaks a cloth with warm water and brings it back to Finn.

He finds Finn stretched out over the sheets, his skin glistening in the low light, looking like everything Poe's ever wanted. Finn smiles lazily up at him, and the love in his eyes almost sends Poe to his knees. What has he done to deserve someone as good as Finn? He climbs back onto the bed and starts to wipe down Finn's chest.

"I love you so much," Poe whispers, moving down between Finn's legs, keeping his touch soft on the tender skin. Finn smiles up at him, completely at ease.

"And I love you," he replies.

Poe thinks about what brought them together in this life, and what they were before they met each other. How Poe was lost, searching for something he couldn't quite name, sure that he wanted a love but not sure how he should go about finding it. And Finn, trapped in the First Order's clutches, being trained as a mindless killing machine but remaining so kind despite it all... Despite growing up without a home, without a family, without really any friends... without someone to tell him fairytales of love... And yet he still believes so deeply in it.

Poe finishes cleaning Finn off and tosses the rag aside. After a moment, he considers better of it—BB-8 won't be asleep forever, after all, and he doesn't want her to have to deal with that. Poe gets up to bring the rag to the refresher. When he comes back, Finn is slipping under the sheets and fluffing the pillows up in the way he likes. Poe crawls into bed with him and dims the lights.

"My mom used to tell me a story, when I was a kid," Poe begins, pulling Finn against him. "An old fairytale from Yavin IV she would tell me to put me to sleep."

"Mmm," Finn hums, and he scoots closer to Poe's side, laying his head on Poe's chest as he gets comfortable. Poe remembers the way he'd fall asleep on his mother's lap while she'd recite the story.

"It’s about a farmer named Imil who's having a bad year for his crops," Poe begins. "He's worried he'll go hungry. But then he meets a traveler named Chak who wanders around from village to village, working magic for those in need in exchange for good and services. Imil tells him about the drought and Chak offers to help in exchange for food.

"My favorite part was always the little call-and-response piece my mom did with me," Poe says fondly. "She'd tease it out sometimes, talking about the two of them, until she'd finally say, as Imil to Chak, 'You need a place to stay,' and I'd say—"

"I need a place to stay," Finn mumbles a guess, quiet and sleepy yet attentive. Poe can feel him smiling against his skin, and he laughs.

"Exactly," Poe murmurs warmly. "So Chak stays with Imil, and he brings the rain just like he promised. They fall in love with each other, they start a life together beyond the harvest season, they sleep with each other—"

"Wow, she  _told_ you that?" Finn asks, amused. Poe laughs.

"Yeah, folk tales on Yavin IV are... Well, let's just say it's a fairly open culture. Sexuality isn't shameful. Nothing is blatantly... obscene," he explains with a chuckle. "It's just not as... I don't know, taboo a subject as in some other cultures." Finn hums in understanding and Poe continues.

"So Imil's neighbors become jealous of all the good stuff they've got going on, and they come to kill Chak, but Imil protects him and they move to settle out alone in the mountains where they live out the rest of their lives together. Chak binds his life to Imil's in thanks, because he loves him so much, and they're destined to find each other in each lifetime..."

"Sounds like us," Finn whispers, rubbing a warm hand over Poe's stomach. Poe smiles down at him and kisses his hair.

"It does, doesn't it?" Poe muses. "Jess said they have a different version of the tale on Dandoran, where she's from, so who's to say if our version is even the original? Maybe Chak and Imil are past incarnations of us, or maybe... Chen and Impu, the characters from Jess's tale. Or maybe the tale is just based upon two differently-named incarnations. Or, maybe it's just a coincidence," Poe guesses.

"It's us," Finn murmurs, certain. "I can feel it..."

"Well, isn't that something," Poe laughs quietly. They lay there quietly for a few minutes, and Poe starts to think Finn is asleep, until he speaks up, barely over a whisper.

"Why have they all been bad?" Finn asks. "All our past lives... Our relationships in them. They've all ended so horribly—or else haven't really even started at all. We've been torn apart, again and again. Are we just doomed to fail forever?"

"Hey, shh..." Poe whispers, rubbing a hand up and down Finn's back. "I don't know why things haven't worked out, so many times, but things are going pretty well in this life, aren't they?"

"So far," Finn mumbles, making some sort of shrugging motion. "But... what if I die on you?"

"Oh, sweetheart," Poe breathes, carefully but surely rolling them over. He shifts Finn so he can spoon up behind him, curling protectively around him and holding him close. He speaks right against Finn's ear, "I would miss you terribly. But I know that I'd find you in the next life, and we'd get another chance to get it right."

"Get it right? What does that even mean?" Finn asks. "Is that it? We just... 'get it right' and then—what? That's it? Just one good life together and it's all over?"

"Isn't that what everyone who gets a happy ending gets?" Poe reasons. "A full, happy life together and then lights out?" He chuckles. "If that's it, that doesn't sound so bad, right? No more reincarnations full of pain and suffering... Just a good, long lifetime of happiness, of loving you, waking up next to you each morning... And then, maybe, we become binary stars—that's what Snap believes, y'know."

"I guess," Finn whispers. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

Poe kisses Finn behind his ear, holding him close as they snuggle down for sleep. He can't pretend that he's not also anxious over whether or not something catastrophic will happen again. But he's ever the optimist, and something about this time feels different. Something about  _Finn  _feels like forever. He presses a long, sweet kiss to Finn's neck.

"I love you. Waiting, I can do."


	12. Worries

A few weeks pass.

Finn wakes up to a familiar, electronic chirping. He cracks his eyes open, and BB-8 is by the side of the bed, twittering a good morning—or at least he assumes. Binary seems to be a lost cause for him. Beebee must see Finn's eyes are open, because she gives a wobble and makes a few more insistent noises. Finn feels Poe stir behind him.

"We're up," Poe tells Beebee from behind Finn, groggy and snuggling close. Finn has no idea what time it is or why they're being woken up so early. "Go start getting everything ready in the hangar, alright? Take-off isn't for another hour and a half..."

Take-off. Finn feels his heart sink. Is that today? As Beebee _bweeps  _in agreement and rolls out of the room, Finn feels Poe curling tighter around him, kissing at the back of his neck. Finn rolls over slowly to face him.

"You don't have to go," Finn mumbles, his voice still scratchy with sleep.

"Ngopi, I want to," Poe whispers.

Finn bows his head at the sweet name and nods. "...I know."

"It's just a supply run," Poe says, sliding a hand around Finn's waist under the sheets, keeping his eyes trained on Finn's face, even though Finn still has his averted in worry. "I miss flying, Finn," Poe says gently.

Finn sighs. "I _know_. I shouldn't be worried about you. You're the best pilot in the galaxy," he says with a small smile. "You know better than to get yourself in trouble."

"Well," Poe chuckles, "I don't know about _that_..."

"You're not putting me at ease very well," Finn laughs, giving Poe a playful shove.

"Aren't I?" Poe grins. "Let me amend that..."

Finn allows himself to be pulled into a kiss. Poe really is trying to comfort him, Finn thinks, but always in the back of his mind is the edge of worry that something will happen to Poe. The thought that every moment with Poe could possibly be the last is... frankly, a lot to deal with.

"I can practically feel you thinking," Poe murmurs as he pulls out of the kiss. His voice is the slightest bit concerned. "Are you really that worried, love?"

"I'm never not going to be worried about you," Finn mumbles.

"Never?" Poe asks with a small smile. "Not even when you know I'm safe?"

"When is that?" Finn can't think of how he could absolutely know for sure that Poe was safe while away on a mission. But Poe apparently means something slightly different, as he squirms closer and runs a hand down Finn's neck.

"When you're completely surrounding me... holding me tight... buried in me," Poe whispers.

Finn lets out a breath. It's been a few short weeks since they'd finally talked everything through—and more importantly, since the first time Poe had fucked him so sweetly. And Poe had made it known very early on in those weeks how much he wanted Finn to fuck him. Finn had wanted it too, and had done it—and he wants it again now. He can feel his cock starting to stiffen against Poe's thigh.

"Oh, that's appealing to you, hmm?" Poe teases, shifting his hips against Finn's.

"I'm not even going to try to pretend it's not,” Finn laughs breathlessly. "But you've gotta go before too long... I'm not gonna fuck you if it's gonna take the place of you getting breakfast," he argues, but Poe rolls his eyes.

"Why do you think I had Beebee wake us up so early? You know I don't need more than a half hour to get ready, and that's _leisurely_." Poe grins and tugs on Finn's hip. "C'mon, hot shot, gimme a little luck," he murmurs.

"Oh, I'll give you a whole lotta luck," Finn growls playfully as he rolls on top of Poe.

The two dissolve into a languid mess of shifting limbs and eager kisses. Finn grinds his hips down, pulling a stuttering gasp out of Poe as he stretches and fumbles for the lube on the nightstand.

"You really should put that back in the drawer after we're done with it," Finn mumbles as he kisses distractedly down Poe's neck. "Your friends make fun of you enough already for how  _loud_  you are," Finn says with a nip. "You hardly need to risk giving them more opportunity, were they ever to visit."

"Mmm, therein lies the catch," Poe laughs as he finally snags the container, arching under Finn's ministrations. "Knowing how much sex we're having, they'll never drop on short enough notice for me to not have time to tidy up."

Finn snorts. "Knowing how loud you are," he argues, "they'll never have to worry about walking in on you on accident." He snatches the lube from Poe and catches his sharp grin.

"They don't know you don't gag me," Poe reasons.

Finn leans down into his space. " _Please_. You think I'd ever silence those gorgeous noises?" He bites Poe's lip. "Not a chance. Roll over."

Finn has found that Poe is very good at following directions. He can be stubborn when he wants to be, but he easily turns into putty in Finn's hands. And Poe does love being in Finn's hands.

"No chance at all?" Poe murmurs as he turns over, almost forlorn.

Finn chuckles. "We'll talk about it when you come back."

"Mm, deal." Poe arches as Finn runs his hands along Poe's back to grip his hips, watching him arch so beautifully, ass in the air...

"Yeah, just like that," Finn murmurs. He can't resist giving Poe's ass a little slap, and Poe laughs into the pillow.

"Come on, now, you've got me all laid out for you... Are you gonna make me beg, too?"

"You'd like if I did," Finn teases. Poe grins, like he can't even deny it.

For all the teasing talk, Finn really can't make Poe wait that long. For one, they don't have the time for him to drag Poe out and really make him beg. But more to the point, Finn wants him too bad to try to play games.

"But no," Finn murmurs as he slicks his fingers. "No, this morning I just want to have you slow and sweet. Nothing that'll be uncomfortable in the cockpit. I just want to bring you off really nice," Finn says with a smirk. "Get out all those pre-flight jitters."

Poe had told him about the occasional nervousness, and how he'd sometimes get it out of his system with a good orgasm. Finn can't deny how hot the image is, Poe taking care of that himself, but he's more than glad that he's here to help Poe with that now.

"Mmm, you know me so well," Poe mumbles, the words morphing into a moan as Finn sinks a finger into him. It's music to Finn's ears.

Poe is no stranger to getting fucked, and has begged Finn before to just _take_ him, promising that he doesn't need the preparation. Finn's found it to be true, if he's slow and careful, but he likes the prep so much that he does it anyway. This morning, though, it's quick and efficient, which he's sure Poe is thankful for.

"Come up here," Finn instructs as he pulls his fingers out. He moves up to sit back against the headboard and slicks his cock thoroughly. "And try not to be _too  _loud?... You do know that  _I'll  _be the one hearing all the teasing at lunch if you can't keep it down a little bit?"

"Oh sure, it bothers you so much whenever Jess makes cracks about how rightly fucked I'm getting," Poe laughs as he pushes himself to his knees and turns. Rolling his eyes, Finn guides Poe into his lap, face to face.

"Can we please not talk about her when we're naked?" Finn sighs in exasperation.

"We don't have to talk about anything, babe, so long as you get this show on the road." Poe grins as he starts to nudge down onto Finn's cock. " _Oh_ , yeah," Poe breathes as Finn finally tugs his hips down and slides up into him. " _Mmmh_ , that's more like it..."

For as loud and mouthy as Poe gets during sex, Finn's found he tends to be quieter, more focused, himself. He can keep up with Poe's quips during foreplay, and even to some extent during the act, but he's found he favors just focusing on the way Poe's body moves against his, every little hitch of Poe's breath...

"Nice and slow, now," Finn murmurs as Poe settles fully into his lap. He feels more of the weight of Poe's body lean against his chest, and he brings his hands up to skim along Poe's sides.

"I love you," Poe whispers.

Finn realizes with a bit of a start that he heard Poe, but he also heard something that wasn't in Basic. He wonders if he spoke in Basic, just before that. He opens his mouth to speak, just letting himself say whatever will come.

Finn produces a string of words that feel and sound so far from Basic, but he knows them—and it's obvious Poe does too, from the way he moans, arching. Finn reaches up and runs his hands through Poe's hair, repeating himself, telling Poe over and over how much he loves him.

"Ah, _Finn_ ," Poe moans, finding a slow, deep rhythm. Finn reaches between them and wraps his hand around Poe's cock, stroking him in time with his movements.

"I'm gonna miss you, Poe," Finn whispers. Poe turns his face into Finn's neck.

"Only gonna be gone for a few days," Poe mumbles. "Be back before you know it..."

"Gonna miss _this_ ," Finn insists, shifting his hips under Poe so he can rock them up to meet each roll of Poe's own. "Feeling you like this... Mmm, don't go, please?" Finn begs, breathless already.

Poe shakes his head. "I'll be alright, sweetheart... I'm— _ah_ , just a bit tighter," he gasps, and Finn adjusts his grip on Poe's cock. "Nnnh!... I'm smart," he promises faintly as he drives himself to distraction.

"I know you are... I know you are, Poe, but I also know that you take risks..." Finn reaches up to hold Poe's jaw with his free hand. "Just promise me you'll be careful?"

Poe nods wordlessly, turning to kiss Finn's palm. He shuts his eyes, brow furrowing as he starts to ride Finn with more purpose, driving himself down with more precision.

"That's it, Poe, let me make you feel good," Finn breathes. "Give you a little something to look forward to coming home to again..."

"I'd... look forward to you regardless," Poe gasps, making a high, breathless noise as he seems to find an angle he likes. "Oh— _ohh_ , right there, Finn, _fuck_ me," he begs.

"C'mon, ride my cock, just like that," Finn hisses, jerking Poe faster. "Absolutely gorgeous... Look at you, just  _taking_ it..."

"Ah, you're so... _nnh!_ " Poe bites his lip, starting to squeeze up around Finn's length.

"Yeah, go on... Gimme a going-away present, cum all over me..."

That must do the trick, because Finn's hardly said the words before Poe shudders and clenches tight around him, hot cum striping over Finn's stomach, spilling over his fist... He wraps his free arm around Poe's waist and holds him tight as he bucks up into him, chasing after his own release.

"I love you," Poe gasps, and Finn melts into bliss.

 

===

 

After a shared shower and a quick but filling breakfast—Finn's insistence—Poe is tugging the zip on his flight suit all the way up to his throat. He takes his helmet from Finn's worried hands, the two of them standing together on the tarmac between the two X-Wings being prepped for the mission.

"Hey," Poe says softly. "Routine, remember?"

"First time I've had to willingly let you go while I stay, remember?" Finn replies, a bit testy. Poe sighs and nods.

"You're right. Of course you're right. I guess I've just been doing this long enough that... I tend to forget how tough it is to watch someone leave." Poe wraps the arm that's not holding his helmet around Finn's waist, pulling him close. "I'm sorry, sweetheart..."

"You don't have to go," Finn tries again. Poe's just formulating something to reply to this same argument with, when Finn switches tack. "No, y'know what, I'm sorry," he sighs. "This is your _job_ ," he says, seeming to remind himself. "And I should trust you more than this. Besides, Iolo's going with you..."

"All of that is true... But no one's saying you can't be worried, Finn," Poe says gently.

For a second, Finn looks like he's going to argue, but he lets the air for his words out in a breath instead. Poe rubs his thumb against Finn's waist.

"You need to go," Finn mumbles, and Poe frowns.

"Not just yet," he insists.

"Yes you do! If you wait much longer, you'll just skew all the flight plans—"

"Beebee will draw up new ones, that's her job—"

"And you'll keep Iolo waiting—"

"I don't really think he minds—"

"Just _go_ , okay?" Finn says sharply. Poe blinks, taken aback. The only thing in his head is a small voice whispering, _No_...

"Finn..."

" _Please,_ just go," Finn says quietly. "The longer you stay here, the harder it feels like it is to let you go."

Poe's heart breaks a bit. He wants to tell Finn everything he's already said—that it's a short mission, that he'll be safe, that Iolo will be with him the whole time, that it's just a supply negotiation, that everything will be alright—but every time he does, he feels like he's invalidating Finns emotions and fears even more. So he swallows those words and says the only other thing he can think of.

"I can't leave yet. I haven't gotten a kiss."

Finn tips his head forward to rest his forehead on Poe's shoulder, and Poe gets a glimpse of the most heartbreaking expression he's ever seen on this face of Finn's.

"Shh, what's this all about?" Poe whispers, finally letting his helmet drop to the tarmac. He pulls Finn into his arms and rubs his back soothingly. He can feel Finn shaking. "Where's my brave Big Deal, huh?"

"I love you," Finn mumbles miserably.

"I love you too," Poe answers in an instant. "I love you so much. And nothing is going to stop me from coming home to you, alright? _Nothing_. But there _is  _something that's going to stop me from leaving," Poe says quietly, and he's sure that Finn can hear Iolo doing his last-minute checks on his ship. "I need that kiss, ysal..."

"No," Finn says stubbornly, and Poe laughs.

"What, so you're just gonna refuse to kiss me forever now?" he teases, and Finn lifts his head.

"I might."

"I'd like to see you try," Poe mumbles, and it actually gets the faintest smile out of Finn. "C'mon, let's give 'em a real showstopper of a goodbye kiss, never to be outdone by any except the one you're gonna give me when I come home."

That apparently does the trick, because Finn pulls him into a kiss by the jaw. Poe pulls Finn closer by the waist and pours all the love he can into the kiss. He leans into Finn and makes a soft noise, forcing Finn to arch back, and ending up dipping him just slightly with his enthusiasm. Finn breaks away laughing.

"Alright, alright, save some for when you return," Finn chuckles, pushing his fingers through Poe's curls. He leans up to kiss Poe's forehead. "...You really should go, before Beebee gets her taser out..."

"Good point," Poe mumbles, and he just can't resist. He steals one more kiss. There's less searing passion in this one—it's just simple, warm, and sweet. "I love you," he says firmly, pulling back enough to look into Finn's eyes. "Everything is gonna be okay." Finn licks his lips and nods.

Poe scoops up his helmet and pulls it on. Beebee is being lifted into Black One, excited for the mission. Poe squeezes Finn's bicep.

"I love you," Finn murmurs, and he seems calmer about the whole ordeal, if only by a little bit. "Try to come back to me in one piece?"

Poe laughs. "I'll try my damnedest."

 

===

 

Finn finishes wiping down the exam table he'd been sanitizing. A noise at the door catches his attention. He looks up to see Rey in the doorway, smiling.

"Have you forgotten about lunch?" she asks. Finn grins as he moves to join her.

"Not at all, just... got a little distracted." The door shuts behind them as they head off toward the mess.

"He's supposed to be home soon, you know," Rey says, wising up to the source of Finn's distraction. He laughs, but it's not quite as full as it usually is.

"He didn't have to go at _all_ ," Finn argues. "It's a supply run. They could've gotten anyone to go."

"I'm fairly sure they tried," Rey admits. "But Poe misses flying, you know he does. And going on a supply mission is the safest way he can get that fix while also not feeling guilty about wasting limited resources." Rey wraps her arm around Finn's as they walk. "He'll be home soon."

 

===

 

_Soon_ turns out to be a lot sooner than they expected.

Just as Finn is making it back to the medwing after lunch, the emergency signal lights up on the medical console just inside the door. Finn rushes over and accepts the incoming transmission. General Organa is on the line.

"We have two ships that have just entered the atmosphere," the General tells Finn shortly. "Two X-Wings—the two we sent on supply run. Things don't feel right. I want a medic there to meet them on the tarmac." The comm is cut, and Finn snaps into action.

"Ready the bacta tank," Finn tells the nearest med-droid. "And alert Dr. Kalonia and any other medics of the possibility of two incoming pilots. Have everything prepped." Finn grabs the small rucksack of field first aid tools, slings it over his shoulder, and dashes out of the room.

Finn hits the tarmac just as the X-Wings are coming in for landing. He recognizes Black One instantly, followed by the immediate realization that she looks rough. Not terrible, but certainly not tip-top condition. She comes to a stop on the tarmac and Finn takes off running, his heart slamming in his chest.

Poe climbs out of the cockpit, and Finn doesn't think he's ever experienced this much anxiety and relief at the same time before. Poe is in one piece, but he's moving sluggishly. Finn drops the rucksack to the tarmac and gets his hands on Poe, helping him down the ladder, steadying him.

"Hey, buddy," Poe says with a grin from under his helmet's visor, and he looks so _tired_. Finn wants to pull him into his arms and hold him tightly, but he won't let himself without knowing if Poe is hurt.

"Poe, you're back," Finn murmurs, gently helping him onto the tarmac. Poe sways a bit on his feet. "What happened?" he asks, urgent for any information that will help him determine what's wrong.

"Inter—Intercep...ted," Poe manages, slurring the word, and Finn frowns.

"First Order?" he asks. Poe nods, looking like all he wants to do right now is fall asleep.

There's a clamoring of feet behind them, and Finn turns to see another pair of medics with a levistretcher. Gratitude washes over him and he waves them over. He turns back to Poe and gently removes his helmet. There's blood matted in his hair, and it jolts Finn—he looks just like he did when Finn rescued him from the _Finalizer_.

"Where?" Finn asks, trying to keep Poe talking, focused and conscious, as the other medics bring the stretcher alongside him. Somewhere behind him, Iolo is being seen by two other medics. He doesn't seem as roughed up.

"Spaceport," Poe answers. "Ran into them, we were f... finalizing a deal... " The medics start to help Poe onto the levistretcher as he talks. "Bucketheads came 'round the corner... Tried to get away, took a rifle to the head... Iolo got us out of there somehow..."

Finn takes Poe's hand and holds it tightly as one of the medics deposits the rucksack beside Poe's leg. She hands Finn a penlight and he checks Poe's eyes. Definitely concussed. He nods to the medic and together they cart Poe off to the medwing.

"What happened next?" Finn asks. He needs to keep Poe talking. The third medic is running a scanner over Poe's limbs, checking for injuries as he jogs alongside the levistretcher.

"Pursued," Poe says shortly, his blinks becoming languid. "Head hurts..."

"Hey, stay with me," Finn urges, squeezing Poe's hand. "Come on, qut'na, you're doing just fine... The First Order pursued you? Must've been scary..."

Poe huffs a small laugh. "Dodged 'em. Lucky chance. Beebee found— Where's Beebee?" he asks suddenly.

"She's fine," Finn assures him as they turn into the medwing. "I saw Snap on the tarmac, he'll take care of her."

"Good." Poe seems satisfied by this, and he lets his eyes slide shut. "She's so smart," he slurs, and Finn shakes his shoulder a bit.

"Hey, stay with me, ysal. Why's she smart?" he asks, his calm brought on by his dedication to the task at hand, his need to make sure he does right by Poe. If they can get him into the bacta tank— _when  _they get him into the bacta tank, this will all be fine in a matter of hours.

"Gonna make the jump, but she altered it," Poe mumbles as the two other medics start to undo his flak jacket. Finn lends his hands, unzipping Poe's flight suit after them. "Took us to a nearby debris field—recently blown planet. Jammed our comms with space junk, though," Poe explains. "Lost 'em with the fake-out," he mumbles with a grin.

"Good job," Finn tells him, and he carefully supports Poe's neck as the medics work the flight suit down off of Poe's shoulders, leaving him in his tank-top and underwear. Finn helps with Poe's sleeves. "I'm proud of you, flying back all this way with a head wound."

"Trying to get me naked," Poe laughs, grinning groggily up at Finn.

"Yeah, so we can get you into the bacta tank," Finn says with a nervous chuckle. "So cooperate."

"Feels familiar," Poe mumbles. "Right, Sah'ri?"

Finn's heart squeezes. But it's not that lifetime. It's not gonna happen again. He strokes Poe's hair gently off of his forehead and places a kiss there as the medics work Poe's boots off of his feet.

"Hey, shh. None of that. I'm Finn, remember?" Finn says, almost urgent. "And you're Poe. You're not Bestel. You're _Poe_ , and you're gonna be _fine_. You're safe now, I've got you... I love you, and I'm gonna take care of you, ngopi. Nothing's gonna happen to you," he whispers into Poe's skin.

Poe's eyes slide shut, and Finn finds Poe's hand again, squeezing it tightly. The medics bring the harness and regulator over, and Finn steps back to let them ready Poe for the bacta tank. He keeps Poe's hand in his, kissing his knuckles and rubbing his other hand over Poe's wrist.

"You're alright, Poe," he whispers, starting to sound scared even to himself. "You're gonna be fine... I love you. I can't lose you. I _won't_. You're gonna be fine."

"Love you," Poe murmurs, squeezing Finn's hand weakly. One of the medics nods at Finn, and he returns it.

"Okay, qut'na, we're gonna put you in the tank now, alright? Gonna wake up good as new. Just go to sleep, okay? You can go to sleep now," Finn reassures him.

All Finn gets from Poe is a sleepy mumble as he finally slips unconscious. He helps the other medics carefully hoist Poe into the tank, and steps back as Poe sinks down into the slime. He watches the way Poe's hair floats, the blood already dissolving from his temple. Now he just has to wait.

 

===

 

Before Finn has time to even finish the first paragraph of the chapter on bacta he's sat down to read, there's a panicked squealing that echoes from down the hallway. Finn sets his datapad in his lap, focused on the sound as it gets louder, approaching... And then it takes on some characteristic beeping and warbling, and Finn knows exactly what it is—who it is.

BB-8 races into the room and screeches at him. Finn chuckles tiredly and puts a hand on her dome. She blats angrily at him, and Finn can only assume she's demanding to know where Poe is.

"Relax, Beebee, he's... Poe's okay. He's healing. See?" Finn points at the bacta tank. He's still getting used to the ghostly pallor the stuff lends to Poe's skin.

Beebee turns her lens on the tank and looks it up and down, letting out an anxious little twitter. She turns back to Finn, as if waiting for an answer, but he doesn't understand what she's said.

"You know I can't understand you," Finn says, a bit of disappointment in his voice. Beebee makes some sort of noise that sounds like a sigh. "He's gonna be fine, Beebee," Finn murmurs, patting her dome. "He came in with a concussion, pretty beat up, but he's healing now. In a few hours, he'll be out of the tank, he'll sleep it off, and he'll be good as new."

Beebee makes a mournful noise and rolls to the wall of the tank, setting up her post. It's touching, Finn thinks. She really does adore Poe, as much as a droid can... Which is, apparently, quite a lot.

"The way I hear it, you saved him," Finn adds, and Beebee looks over with a curious _bweep_. "That's what he said at least..." Finn shrugs. Beebee chatters to herself and looks at Poe's ankles again, waiting.

 

===

 

Iolo comes by after an hour or so, when he's finished debriefing with the General. He has some minor wounds, and Finn tends to them as Iolo tells him the non-concussed version of the story.

They had been located by the First Order, Iolo tells him. While wrapping up negotiations for a supply delivery, a pair of stormtroopers had happened upon them. Recognizing Poe, Iolo assumes they had orders to capture him alive, because there were no shots fired on him. Iolo had known there would be no such dispensation for himself, however, and shot one stormtrooper in the stomach, taking him down instantly. The other had swung his rifle at Poe's head to knock him out, and succeeded at that for a few seconds. Iolo had shot that 'trooper as well and managed to wake Poe before any other First Order soldiers showed up.

The two had high-tailed it back to their ships and hastily left the spaceport, unfortunately being spotted on the way out by the ship that had brought the two patrolling stormtroopers. They gave chase, but Poe and Iolo were able to evade them by, as Poe had said, using BB-8's knowledge of a nearby ex-planet debris field. The First Order ship had either followed them and lost the X-Wings in the space junk, or hadn't bothered to follow at all. Either way, they had managed to escape, at the price of losing their nav and comms. Luckily enough, Beebee had already mapped a new flight plan before leading them into the debris, and she had a surefire way home.

"All in all, it was the ships that took the most damage," Iolo says as Finn finishes wrapping a cut on his arm, sustained while Iolo was hastily climbing into the cockpit. "Well, and Dameron's head..."

Both of them look at Poe, suspended in the bacta tank. He's still unconscious, and should be for another few hours. BB-8 hasn't left his side.

"He'll be okay," Finn reconfirms, but he's starting to wonder if it's for his benefit or everyone else's.


	13. Chances

Finn sees the moment when Poe wakes up, coughing slightly, bubbles pluming from his regulator. Beebee lets out an excited squeal. Fresh on bacta protocol and trusted by Kalonia to care for Poe, he jumps up and starts to decant him. With help of the winch Poe's harness is attached to, Finn lifts him out of the tank and lowers him gently to the floor, supporting him with an arm around his waist.

"Hey, sweetheart," Finn says quickly as he pulls the regulator off of Poe's face. "Let's get you into the shower, okay? Quick sonic, then you can sleep."

Poe doesn't manage anything more than a mumble, but he already seems better. Healthy.

Finn helps Poe stumble over to the sonic shower, Beebee rolling along nervously by their heels. He unhooks the harness around Poe's chest and peels him out of his saturated underthings. While on his knees, helping Poe step from his underwear, he can't help but wipe a patch of Poe's hip clean so he can press a kiss there.

Finn pulls himself to his feet and helps Poe into the sonic, seating him on the small bench inside. Poe already seems to be falling asleep as Finn turns the machine on. Finn foggily remembers that feeling, the post-bacta exhaustion. It had almost felt like a depression at first, like he'd just been removed from the most comfortable thing he had ever felt, and the stress of that removal knocked him right into the longest sleep of his life, just to compensate.

"See?" Finn says to Beebee as she wobbles anxiously next to him. "He's just fine... Just gonna have to sleep for a bit, and then I'm sure he'll be very happy to see you." She makes a small noise, sounding comforted, and Finn smiles down at her. He really is quite fond of her... Even if he still can’t understand a word she says.

Once Poe is out of the sonic shower, Finn dresses him in soft, warm clothes and ushers him into the nearby bed. He runs his fingers through Poe's hair, still slightly greasy as if it hadn't been cleaned properly. He longs for the opportunity to drag Poe into their hot water shower and scrub every inch of him clean.

"Sleep now, okay?" Finn tells him, unnecessarily, as Poe starts to drift off. Finn leans over to kiss his forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up."

 

===

 

Beebee bumps gently against Finn's chair, waking him from where he had started dozing. Finn looks down at her, blinking sleepily. She coos at him.

"What is it?" he murmurs. The clock on the wall tells him it's the middle of the night. Beebee makes a more insistent noise, yet still quiet and gentle. She bumps the chair again. "What, you want me to leave?" Finn asks, and gets an affirmative chirp. "I can't leave, Beebee... I've gotta be here for Poe when he wakes up."

Given the length of Poe's time in the tank, he should be out for just a few more hours—maybe only two or three. That's really not much time at all, especially given it's the middle of the night. With any luck, they'll get a few more hours of sleep together and won't have wrecked their schedules too much. Beebee doesn't seem impressed by Finn's staying awake, though.

"I'm okay," Finn tells her, putting a hand on her dome. It occurs to him then just how filthy she is from the flight, and he feels a little bad that he's been focusing so intently on Poe. "Tell you what," he says, pulling himself to his feet. "I'll get you all cleaned up for him, shiny and pretty. How's that sound?"

Beebee makes a curious noise as she follows Finn over to the supply cabinets. He grabs a few cleaning supplies, the very same that they use on the lab equipment, and then leads her back over to the space beside Poe's bed. He drops down onto the floor and beckons her close.

"Let's get you all polished up, and then we can dig some of that space dust out of your ports and such," Finn says with a smile. Beebee makes a pleased woop and practically rolls into his lap. Finn laughs and picks up a rag and some solvent, and starts in on her ball.

 

===

 

Cleaning Beebee turns out to be an ordeal, but Finn is glad for the distraction. She's bright and shiny on the outside now, and Finn is partway through carefully cleaning the grit out of her casing seams when Poe stirs. Beebee whirrs excitedly, starting to wiggle. Finn puts down the tool and stands to brush Poe's hair back off of his forehead.

"Are you awake, ysal?" Finn whispers, running his fingers through Poe's curls.

Poe makes a sleepy noise and blinks his eyes open slowly. It makes a rush of relief flood through Finn's chest, and he leans down to kiss Poe's forehead. He still smells faintly of bacta slime, but the skin is warm and soft under his lips.

"I was so worried," Finn breathes against Poe's skin. Poe lifts a hand lazily and touches Finn's jaw.

"I'm sorry," Poe says, and his voice is hoarse with sleep.

"I tried to keep it together, to be strong for you..." Finn mumbles, pulling back to look down at Poe. "But you called me Sah'ri, and I... For a moment I really thought that this could've been the end, all over again."

"Hey," Poe whispers, tugging on Finn's shirt until he gets the message and leans down to kiss Poe softly. "I'm still here, right? Good as new? I love you, and that's never gonna change."

Beebee coos behind Finn, startling both of them. Finn jumps a bit, and Poe laughs, looking over at his droid. His face spreads into a grin and he gives a low whistle.

"Wow, who's that pretty little thing?" he asks, reaching a hand over the edge of the bed. Beebee rolls over, nudging her dome right into his touch, and makes a series of noises, far more complex than the ones she uses to try to communicate with Finn. Poe looks up at Finn with a smile. "She says you took good care of her while I was asleep."

"Well, I didn't want her to suffer just because you were unable to take care of her," Finn says with a sheepish shrug. "It was hardly anything, really... I mean, she still could use an oil bath, and—"

"Hey," Poe says quietly, wrapping his hand around Finn's wrist. "It means a lot to me. So thank you." He squeezes softly, and Beebee coos. "Beebee says thank you, too."

"It was no trouble," Finn murmurs, unable to tear his eyes away from Poe. He's so relieved that Poe is alive, and healthy, and still here with him. He reaches up and strokes Poe's cheek.

"What's going on in that head?" Poe asks with a small smile.

"Just thinking about you—how incredible you are." Finn leans down to kiss Poe again, soft and sweet. "And how much I'd really like to crawl into that bed with you and sleep for a few hours..."

Poe laughs and shifts a bit. "I'm sure that can be arranged..."

"Or," Finn suggests, "I could just check you out quickly—" Poe raises his eyebrows at that and Finn rolls his eyes. " _Medically_ ," he clarifies. "And then we could go back to our room and our larger, more comfortable bed..."

"That's definitely the favorable option," Poe agrees. He sits up and stretches his arms over his head, groaning. "Check out my head, then, because honestly, I feel great."

"Bacta's pretty nice, yeah," Finn says with a laugh as he grabs the portable scanner. "Now sit still... The sooner I make sure you're in perfect condition, the sooner I can stop worrying about you and actually get some sleep."

 

===

 

For all of Finn's good intentions, they don't sleep.

The hot shower was a mutual decision. Poe said he felt grimy in the way only sonic showers make him feel, and had wanted to scrub down before bed. Finn certainly hadn't objected to the suggestion of climbing in with him.

How they had ended up sandwiched against the shower wall was simply cause and effect.

Finn gasps as Poe shoves into him a bit harder, the warm, dark skin of his belly pressing against the cool tile. Poe is hot and solid behind him, holding his hips tightly, his mouth at Finn's neck... Finn arches into him and reaches back to tug at his hip, digging his fingers into Poe's ass.

" _Harder_ ," Finn hisses, and Poe grins against Finn's neck.

"You really want it, huh?" Poe breathes, using a knee to nudge Finn's legs further apart. Finn feels him reach a hand down, and then his thigh is being tugged up, opening him up for Poe to push in deeper, though he pauses for a moment, sunk deep. Finn presses his forehead to the tile with a groan.

"Yes," Finn gasps, feeling the sweet blunt pressure of Poe's fingers gripping into his skin.

"Must've," Poe murmurs in his ear, voice low and honeyed, "with the way you fingered yourself open for me... Just like I wanted, right?" he breathes, and Finn nods, a shiver racing up his spine. "Spreading your legs for me, working your fingers into your tight little hole... Did you think about me when I was gone?"

" _Ah_ , yes," Finn pants, trying to buck back at Poe, to get him moving again.

"Tell me."

A number of words crash into Finn's head all at once, and all that comes out is a wanton groan. Images start to tease themselves apart in his mind, and he thinks about the last shower he took while Poe was away.

"Touched myself," Finn breathes, and Poe starts to thrust again, hard and deep and slow. Finn chokes on his own breathing. "Thought of you..."

"Touched yourself how?" Poe prompts, and Finn thinks it's unfair how composed he sounds.

"Like this!..." Finn moans as Poe speeds up, until each thrust forces a small huff of noise out of Finn's lungs. " _Ah_ -hah, just... Just like this," he grits out. "Chest on the wall... Legs spread... Fingers in myself... So _good_... Came all over myself...!"

"Oh, isn't _that_ delicious," Poe purrs with a smirk in his voice. "But it wasn't as good as me... Right, darling?" Poe's starting to sound a little breathless now, both with exertion and pleasure, and Finn rocks back into the rhythm.

"Mmmh! No, never as good," Finn gasps.

"Touch yourself," Poe says, right against Finn's ear, and he can't help but obey.

The world blurs out into an array of sensory feedback: The feel of Poe's slick cock stroking in and out of him, of Finn's hand working his own length tightly... The sound of the water echoing around the shower, the ragged breathing, the low gasping moans... The smell of Poe's shampoo, the taste of his kiss... More sounds, climbing in pitch and volume, the feeling of Poe's hips slamming to a halt, the hot, pulsing flood inside of Finn, the flash of pure white over his vision, and the slow molasses of relief through his limbs, dragging him into oblivion.

 

===

 

Finn snuggles into Poe's warmth, resettling his head on Poe's chest. Poe shifts his arms around Finn, pulling him closer. The bed finally feels warm again with Poe back.

"You had me worried sick," Finn whispers, and he's really just rephrasing old things he's said, by this point. He can hear Poe swallow.

"I don't know how many different ways I can tell you that I'm sorry," Poe murmurs, rolling onto his side, facing Finn, holding him tight.

"I don't care about the sorry," Finn mumbles. "I know it's not your fault. You got ambushed."

"That doesn't mean you weren't allowed to worry about me, though." Poe kisses the top of Finn's head. "You had plenty of reason to worry. Maybe it's the fact that I had you worrying about me that brought me home," he says with a shrug. Finn snorts.

"Somehow I doubt that." Finn pauses for a moment. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "We're in a war. We live on a top-secret base. You're a fighter pilot and I'm a soldier. We've both narrowly escaped death several times." Finn laughs, disbelieving when he lays it all out like that. "I shouldn't've doubted you. You know what you're doing."

"All of those things are true, but none of them at all hinder us from loving each other," Poe whispers. "And that's what drives that fear. You'd worry for me even if this were the most peaceful moon in the whole galaxy and we had no affiliation with the war. That's just how love is," he murmurs as he twines their legs together. "I'm just happy for each little moment we get. Every time I get to hold you like this, or kiss you, or tell you how much I love you..."

"You are seriously the most _disgustingly_ sweet person I have _ever_ interacted with," Finn says with a grin. He leans in and presses his lips softly to Poe's. He doesn't want to worry anymore. He just wants to hold Poe like this and kiss him and pretend like he doesn't have centuries of heartbreak he's trying to find a way not to repeat.

"Thinking too much," Poe whispers against Finn's lips.

"Sorry," Finn breathes, tipping their foreheads together.

"It's okay. I just don't want you to be upset if there's nothing to be upset about," Poe reasons in a soothing murmur. "Because there's nothing upsetting about this, right?"

Finn laughs quietly. "No, nothing upsetting at all."

"Good. Then it's high time you got some sleep, because I wasn't gonna tell you, but you look pretty rough." Finn can hear the grin in Poe's voice.

"The only reason you look any better was because you got a bacta vacation," Finn grumbles half-heartedly. Poe laughs as Finn rolls over away from him. Finn feels Poe's arms slip around his waist, and Poe's warm, solid weight against his back, comforting and familiar.

"I love you," Poe whispers, kissing the back of Finn's neck. "That's never gonna change."

"I know," Finn murmurs, letting his eyes fall shut. "I love you too..."


	14. Revelation

Finn sits alone on the bed he shares with Poe. He fiddles with the sleeve of Poe's old leather jacket. Rey had finally had time to mend it, first sewing the severed halves together with sturdy thread, and then sealing the seam with some sort of clear glue, making it still flexible, but waterproof again. She had even patched the lining. Finn smiles down at it, tracing his fingers over the mended line.

Poe is in a meeting with the General. He and Poe both have the day off, thankfully, after this one meeting is taken care of, so after a quick breakfast with Poe, Finn had headed back to their quarters to tidy up a bit and wait for Poe to join him.

The weeks seem to fly by here on Yndiri II. Poe keeps insisting that it's so similar to Yavin IV, the jungle comfortingly familiar. It just makes Finn long to see Poe's homeworld. But despite their earlier talk, Finn still worries constantly in the back of his mind. He throws himself into his work to try to quell his roving thoughts, but there's only so much he can do about them. They all circle back to a fear that this is all temporary. Finn finds himself struggling to find a balance in loving Poe. He savors every last moment he has with Poe, tucking the memories away in his mind and bringing them out to cherish whenever he's alone...

Poe teaching Finn how to fly, crammed into an old A-Wing, just like Poe had learned to fly in. Poe eventually introducing Finn to each of the desserts commonly available on-base, and promising to find him more when they'll eventually travel. Poe's eyes, sleepy and content, so close to his own, as they lie in bed, their heartbeats still synced, sweat cooling on their skin.

Finn can't help the fatalistic thinking that this might be all they have—that someday, something is going to happen. Someday, Poe won't come home. Someday, Finn will get shot. Someday, maybe the whole planet will implode, like what very nearly happened on D'Qar. Around and around, the cyclical thoughts spiral in Finn's mind. _It'll end soon,_  they say. _ It must._

And yet, this feels different. This feels real, Finn thinks, and not just in the way that he's experiencing it now and not through a memory. No, this feels like the culmination of all those other lives, like something that's meant to go right for once.

But a culmination also feels like the end to him.

Finn thinks about Poe's fairytale, and what it might mean for this life of theirs to come to a peaceful happy ending. Would that be it? Just... generations of trying to get it right, then one eventual victory and lights out? It seems anticlimactic, but he supposes one lifetime is all that a lot of people get, and they somehow do alright...

This leaves Finn feeling selfish.

The door slides open to reveal Poe. Finn is pretty sure he looks like his whole world is crashing down, sitting here with their jacket in his lap...

"Hey..." Finn looks up to see Poe crouching down in front of him. "What's with the sad face, buddy?" Poe asks softly, reaching up to cup Finn's jaw. Finn sighs heavily and leans into the touch.

"Can't stop thinking about you," Finn mumbles. Surprisingly, it gets a small chuckle out of Poe.

"And that's making you this unhappy? Well... I've _clearly_ gotta fix something..."

Finn manages to lift a corner of his mouth in a smile. "I think you know what I mean," he says quietly. "I'm thinking about... us. Y'know. This whole... reincarnation thing. The fact that I can't stop thinking about you just... disappearing one day."

"You know I'm not gonna do that, right?" Poe says soberly, coming to sit next to Finn on the bed. "Just up and leave?"

" _You're_ not going to  do it, no, but somebody else might do it for you," Finn says a bit darkly. "You're not exactly the man with the lowest profile in the galaxy..."

Poe sighs and leans his head against Finn's. "That's true. So... you're worried about losing me?" he guesses. They've had this conversation before, and they'll have it again, they both know.

"I'm worried about this all being ripped out from underneath me," Finn mutters. "I've gotten... so _lucky_ ," he breathes. "I escaped the First Order, I found you... I was able to help everyone in the Resistance, I have Rey in my life... I have so many good things, but there's... nothing I fear more than losing you."

"You know you'll always find me again, right?" Poe says gently. "I love you... And I have so many dream memories that prove that I will always find you again, one way or another, before too long..."

"Finding you in the next life is a _terrible_ consolation prize, Poe!" Finn spits, anger and hurt flashing up in him for a split second. Poe leans back and rubs Finn's back for a long moment, until Finn speaks again. "I don't... want to lose you, even if I know I'll find you again... in some distant future. I want to know that you'll be safe, that this won't just be cut short on us..."

"I feel the same, qut'na," Poe murmurs. "But we must be doing something right this time, to have gotten so many second chances, right? You've always come back to me. And I've always come back to you..."

"But _why_?" Finn insists. "There's gotta be a limit to how many chances we can get... Why have we seen nothing but heartache before, and yet we're getting so lucky now?"

"It's working out alright... Why question it?" Poe asks with a shrug.

"So I know how to keep doing it," Finn says, sounding far more broken than he has a right to be.

 

===

 

Poe finds himself in the pilot's lounge the next afternoon, at a loss for what to do. He's just finished up the engine maintenance on Black One, and he's got a wide open afternoon. BB-8 rolls in and peers inquisitively at him. She makes a curious _woop_.

"Don't have anything to work on," Poe says with a shrug. "To be honest, it's kind of nice to have the afternoon to just sit around..." Beebee gives a dubious chirp. "I know I just had yesterday off! But I went on a hike with Finn. It's nice to do nothing," he clarifies. Beebee doesn't seem convinced, but she rolls back out to the hangar to find something to keep herself busy.

Jess wanders in before too long, pulling off her work gloves and tucking them into her belt. Poe is sprawled out over the couch, staring hard at the ceiling, lost in thought. Jess looks Poe up and down.

"Rough day?" Jess asks.

"Not particularly," Poe says with a shrug, not bothering to lift his head.

"Well you look like something's eating you." Jess drops onto the other couch and leans her elbows onto her knees, staring intently at Poe. "What's wrong? You know I'm not gonna leave until you tell me."

Poe sighs heavily and finally lifts his head to look at her. "Nothing, really," he insists. "Finn's just... having a hard time."

Jess settles back into the cushions, appeased. Everyone has a soft spot for Finn, Poe has realized. Jess seems to mull his words over for a moment before she speaks again.

"What's the matter? Is he just... having a hard time adjusting to life here? I know it's really humid, but..."

"No, nothing like that," Poe says with a sigh. "He's... just struggling with the thought of losing me," he mumbles. Jess's face softens.

"Hey, that's just the reality out here, isn't it?" she says gently. "Sometimes people just... don't come home. It's good that he's at least trying to prepare for the possibility, right?"

"I suppose," Poe mumbles. He pauses for a moment. "I told him that fairytale," he says all of a sudden. "You know the one—my favorite."

"Yeah, about the soulmates... What, so he's thinking about forever now, huh?" Jess teases with a grin. It does manage to pull a bit of a smile out of Poe, and he waves his hand dismissively.

"In a manner of speaking..." Poe pauses, stalling, but he figures he has to be completely honest with Jess to get the kind of answer he needs from her. He takes a deep breath before continuing. "This is going to sound crazy, but I need you to know that even Luke Skywalker agrees with us."

Jess raises an eyebrow. "You're setting yourself up _real_ nice here, Dameron."

"Just... please, let me get this all out, okay?" Poe pleads. Jess stays silent, so he carries on. "Ever since I was a kid... I had these dreams, about lovers from different worlds and cultures, and I was always one of them, like it was from my point of view. So I started keeping track of the names, trying to piece them together, but I never got anywhere. Not until I met Finn.

"Finn has dreams too, Jess. He's had them his whole life. And they're not dreams, they're... they're _memories_. I know it sounds crazy, but..." Poe swallows. "Jess, it's _us_. That fairytale. It's us, or a couple  like us. I know it is. I've found Finn in nearly every lifetime I've dreamt about. I _know_ it's him."

Jess is silent. She's staring hard at the floor, and Poe thinks she looks like she's trying to take it all in. She opens her mouth to speak a few times, but then shuts it again. After a few rounds of this, she finally says something:

"You'd better not be shitting me."

"Jess!" Poe pleads. "You have to believe me, because I need your help. Please."

"It's not that I don't believe you, Poe," Jess says quietly. "It's that I don't want my belief in you to be made a joke of. I've known you for a few years, and I have never seen you the way you are around Finn. It's like you've finally found your light." She smiles softly, a rare expression on her. "I have no doubt he's your soulmate. I just hope you're right about this reincarnation thing, for all the worrying you're doing about it."

"Finn is the one worrying," Poe insists. Jess simply raises her eyebrow again. "...Okay, I might be doing my fair share of worrying too. But do you see why?"

"I understand," Jess sighs.

"So can you help me?" Poe asks quietly. "How do I get him to stop worrying about losing me? We've already had so many second chances, we must be doing something right..."

Jess thinks for a moment. "Tell me about the magic in yours again—how the reincarnation spell was cast."

"Well, I'm not exactly sure on the spell itself, but my mom always said it was an ancient rite performed by Chak to bind their souls together..." Poe shrugs.

"Yeah, but you mentioned something after that, didn't you? Something about it being strengthened."

Poe frowns. "My mom always said their bond was strengthened by their declarations of love..." Things start to puzzle themselves out in Poe's mind. "I always thought that just meant... like the sort of bond my parents had... I thought that just meant it brought them closer..."

"No... No, it's more than that," Jess insists. "I remember that now, you saying that. And when I told you mine had no strengthening of bonds, I meant it in the metaphor you had set up," she explains, sitting forward again, engaged in the conversation. "Declarations of love strengthening bonds, y'know. That's what I meant: no declarations of love. Sure, Chen and Impu did love each other, but for all the love and passion between them, they never actually _told  _each other."

" _What?_ " Poe asks, incredulous. "That's unbelievable. Why love someone and never tell them?"

"They figured the words weren't necessary. They figured that their partner already knew how they felt." Jess shakes her head. "It cautions against complacency in a relationship, against not cherishing your partner and telling them every day how much they mean to you... That's the fundamental difference between our two stories. That's why your soulmates got a happy ending and mine didn't. That's why _mine_ were destined to meet again in every life—to try and get it right someday."

Poe looks down at his hands, taking everything in. "I always thought of an 'I love you' as a sort of good luck charm," he confesses, his world spinning around him. "I'd hear my parents say it to each other, one of the last things before either of them would leave the house, and I always wondered why. Why keep telling each other, when it's obvious they knew how each other felt? So I figured it must be magic... Even now, as an adult, I still think it's powerful." He pauses to laugh in disbelief. "I guess I never realized...

"But," Poe adds with a frown, "I didn't know if he had to hear it for it to count. There've been so many times I've said it that he hasn't heard, and I've worried..."

"Are you a moron?" Jess asks bluntly. "What if he had been deaf? He doesn't have to _hear_ it. _He's  _not the one doing anything here. _You  _have to _say_ it. _You  _have to do the work, to put yourself out there like that. You just have to say it, and the _Universe  _has to hear it."

Poe sits back into the couch cushions, thinking everything over. Everything seems to make sense now. Never, in all of those dreams, has he ever remembered their past selves saying they loved one another—not until Dash and Tycho, the incarnations just before their current ones. And now... Now, Poe doesn't miss a chance to tell Finn how much he loves him—and look how many second chances they've gotten.

"I've gotta go," Poe says faintly, pulling himself up off the couch. Jess chuckles and kicks her feet up on the low table.

"You're welcome," she calls after Poe as he hurries off toward the medwing.

 

===

 

Finn is busy with a patient when Poe shows up, so Poe paces the hallway, thinking over everything with a new lens.

The first thing Poe realizes is that this must not be a single string of bad reincarnations until a final good one. He knows Finn has been worried about that, and honestly, he has too. How upsetting, to have all these memories of painful past lives, until one glorious Good Reincarnation, only to have that be the end? No, there has to be a rhyme and reason to it all... Poe hypothesizes that they must've gotten steadily worse and worse as the lovers went on without confessing their feelings, the centuries-old magic waning through space and time. Without the strengthening charm of their spoken love for each other, of course they were destined to fall into heartbreak, into a dizzying spiral of worse and worse odds...

Poe feels a hope bloom in his chest. If a _lack  _of love led to such bitter past lives... what would an abundance do? Poe simply knows, deep in his chest, that he and Finn are revitalizing the magic every day, and that they're bound to reincarnate again. He imagines a sort of karmic bank, where every little 'I love you' pushes more points in their favor. With enough tenderness between them, they're bound for another lifetime just as sweet.

He suddenly can't wait to see Finn.

 

===

 

Wiping his hands dry on a microfiber cloth, Finn comes through the door and out into the hallway. Poe seems like he's practically vibrating with joy, an interesting contrast to how heavy-hearted Finn still feels.

"I have an hour off for lun—"

Poe at least has the forethought to hold Finn's jaw as he kisses him firmly, keeping their teeth from colliding. Finn gasps in surprise, stiffening a bit, but Poe's lips are warm and insistent, the kiss so sweet, and Finn can't help but melt into it. He reaches a hand up to run though Poe's hair, a soft noise coming from his throat.

"What's going on?" Finn breathes as he manages to pull away finally. Poe still cups Finn's jaw, looking into Finn's eyes for a long, quiet moment.

"I love you," Poe whispers, stroking his thumb along Finn's cheek. "I've always loved you, and I never told you for the longest time."

"It's okay," Finn murmurs, shaking his head in slight confusion. "It's alright. What's the matter? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because that's _it_ , Finn," Poe insists, eyes bright. "That's the key! I talked with Jess, and everything makes sense now. We never told each other before, and that's why everything was so bad... That's why we could never win, why we could never be happy together. But now we  _have  _said it, and we _keep  _saying it, and _kriff_ , Finn," Poe breathes, his voice dropping low all of a sudden, "I really want to get you back to our room and make you _scream  _how much you love me back..."

Finn is floored. He can feel his mouth hanging open, and he blinks a few times before he can find any words. It was as simple as their 'I love you's? Now that he thinks of it, there never  _were_ any of those in the past... Not until the previous one. Maybe that's what set them up for success this time... It had been too late for Tycho, but it must've aligned them for this lifetime they're in now...

Finally, Poe's last words filter into Finn's ears and he swallows. "Yes, please," he mumbles, and then Poe has a hand locked in Finn's, dragging him down the hallway.

 

===

 

The two stumble into their room in a tangle of limbs and laughter. Finn tackles Poe down to the bed and presses kisses to his cheeks and down his neck, breathing in the faint scent of engine oil. Poe tries to tug at Finn's shirt.

" _C'mon_ ," Poe begs. "Didn't you say you've only got an hour?"

"Kriff, you're right," Finn laughs, and strips out of his shirt quickly. "Get your clothes off," he says as he wrestles with his trousers.

Poe laughs as he watches Finn. It's endearing how eager he is, but it's even better how Finn brings out the eagerness in Poe, too. As he strips out of his clothes quickly, he watches each inch of Finn's skin that's revealed, and sends up a silent thank you to whoever, whatever, is out there for the beauty that is Finn, his to cherish again and again. Then he remembers that that's not enough.

"I love you," Poe says simply. The way Finn turns and pounces on him is equal parts sweet and incredibly hot.

"I love you too," Finn breathes in between kisses, and starts to work his way down Poe's neck. "I love you so much it hurts me, but I wouldn't trade it for the world... I love you so much, it threatens to spill over and drown me in it," he mumbles against Poe's chest. Poe feels Finn's hands at his hips, and then one curling around his erection.

"You're not gonna drown, sweetheart," Poe breathes, running a hand over Finn's head as he feels him continuing south. "I've got you... I'm never gonna let you go, ysal," he whispers.

Poe's breathing goes shallow as Finn kisses up the shaft of his cock. His eyes are fixed on Finn's face, completely awed by how soft and sweet he looks, how doting... Poe slides a finger around the shell of Finn's ear.

"Just like that," he mumbles as Finn opens his mouth and runs his tongue over the head of Poe's cock. " _Oh_ , I love you so much..."

Poe lets himself slide into the physical realm after that. He tips his head back into the pillows, feeling Finn sink his mouth down around him, inch by inch. He strokes his hand over Finn's hair and rests it on the back of Finn's neck, feeling each minute movement of Finn's head and jaw as he starts to suck.

Finn has taken to going down on Poe with an absurdly eager flair, and all the practice has certainly done him well. It's only a matter of minutes, filled with Finn taking Poe as deep as he possibly can and sucking all the way back to the tip, over and over, slow and firm, before Poe's hips start twitching against Finn's grip.

"Oh, _Finn_ ," Poe gasps. "I'm gonna cum... Make me cum, ysal, right in that sweet mouth of yours..."

Finn does, with a last indulgent suck and swirl of his tongue. Poe arches right into Finn's hands, gasping and letting out a soft cry as he shoots into Finn's waiting mouth.

He's slumped back into the sheets when Finn starts kissing his way back up Poe's stomach. Finn sits up and licks his lips, smiling, his eyes still hot and dark. Poe bites his lip and casts a lazy look at Finn's leaking cock.

"Seeing as you've just rendered me motionless for a bit... How about you come up here and fuck my mouth?" Poe invites.

Finn's mouth is on Poe's in an instant, and Poe laughs against his lips as Finn runs his hands through Poe's curls. It's a playful kiss, each of them nipping and teasing at each other's lips, enjoying the little flashes of tongue between them.

"I love you," Finn laughs as he pulls away at Poe's insistent tugging on his hips. He shifts up on his knees and smiles down at Poe.

"You sure do," Poe teases and licks his lips slowly. "And I love you too. Now come here and let me make you feel good..."

"You already do," Finn murmurs, but he strokes a hand through Poe's hair as he shifts into place. He lets out a soft breath as Poe opens his mouth welcomingly, and he slides right in like he belongs there. Poe really thinks he does.

Poe lets his eyes slip shut as he relaxes his jaw, letting Finn push in as far as he wants. He has his hands wrapped loosely around Finn's hips still, and he gives a small, encouraging tug. He feels Finn sink in a bit further, letting out a faint moan. He sucks invitingly at that, and Finn's hips give a twitch. Poe groans quietly, and Finn seems to get the memo, as he starts to thrust shallowly.

" _Ah_ , you look good like that," Finn whispers. Poe blinks his eyes open to see Finn bracing himself with a forearm on the wall. He hums, and Finn continues to work in and out of Poe's mouth. "So gorgeous... How about you suck a bit harder, hm?" he breathes, and Poe can't help but obey. "Mmh, yeah, just like that..."

Poe could do this forever, bobbing his head up to meet Finn's thrusts, always trying to take him a bit deeper. He can taste Finn on the back of his tongue, thick and heady, intoxicating. He wants Finn to cum right down his throat.

Apparently Poe's nails digging into Finn's hips is all the encouragement Finn needs. He starts to roll his hips a bit more insistently, gasping and muttering curses. Poe groans around the mouthful, urging him on, until Finn's free hand shoots down to tangle in Poe's hair.

"Oh  _kriff_ , I'm so close, Poe," Finn chokes, and Poe gives a firm suck. "I'm... _Oh_ , don't stop," Finn begs.

Poe has no plans to do anything of the sort. He gazes up Finn's torso, seeing the stark relief of his muscles as he's just clinging to the edge. Poe makes a wanting noise and Finn shivers, fucking deep into his mouth.

"Poe... _Ah!_ " Finn arches and cums into Poe's mouth with a shaky moan.

Finn rolls off of Poe carefully, collapsing onto the bed beside him. He throws an arm over his face and catches his breath. Poe swallows and shifts onto his side, smiling softly as he skims a hand over Finn's chest.

"I love you... I'm gonna keep saying it, even more now that I know it's working," Poe laughs.

Finn smiles at Poe, reaching over to stroke a finger along his jaw, and Poe thinks he looks comforted by the realization. They look at each other for a long moment in the quiet room before Finn starts to speak.

"I'm never gonna stop loving you," Finn whispers. "If that's what it's gonna take—and even if it weren't... I could never. You gave me a chance. You _believed_ in me, knowing full well what I was... And now I know why." Finn grins. "Because we're destined. And I'm gonna make sure _nothing_ gets in the way of us, not if we can help it. So I'm not gonna let you go. I'm not gonna let our love fall by the wayside. I'm gonna tell you  every day how much you mean to me, how much I need you..."

Finn sounds so earnest, but Poe can't help the wide grin that's starting to spread over his face.

"I'm not saying I'm not still scared for you, but that's part of loving someone, right?" Finn mumbles, and now he seems to be getting distracted by Poe's bright smile. "But I think... things will be... Okay, seriously. I'm trying to make this sappy love speech to you, and you can't even keep it together. I thought we were a _team_ , Dameron," Finn grumbles.

"We _are_ , sweetheart," Poe laughs. "It's... These words just remind me of something."

"And you're not gonna tell me?" Finn huffs. Poe sighs through his grin and pulls Finn into his arms, giving him a tight squeeze.

"I'm not making fun of you, ysal," Poe chuckles. "You just sound like... On my homeworld, people..." He sighs out a laugh. "These sound like marriage vows," he finally says, amused.

Finn stops squirming against Poe the instant the words are out of his mouth. Poe watches his eyes go bright and shiny, all annoyance fading off of his face. Poe swallows.

"Hey... You gotta let me in that head of yours," Poe mumbles. "It was just a joke—"

"But you said..." Finn's voice is so quiet, so fragile. Poe bites his lip. They certainly haven't ever talked about this, and maybe Finn's waning hour of a lunch break isn't the best time, but what the hell.

"...Do you—" Poe swallows. "...Do you wanna get married?" he asks carefully, hoping it doesn't come out as an immediate invitation.

The effect on Finn is instantaneous. He almost seems to glow, and then he's pulling Poe into a kiss, rolling them over to pin himself under Poe's weight. Poe laughs against his mouth, kissing him soft and playful, until Finn pulls back the scantest inch to speak.

"I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ta-daaa the big gay fairytale soulmate romance is complete~
> 
> well almost. i am planning a sequel that will be much shorter but it'll be their wedding SO keep an eye out for that if you enjoyed this!
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at queersatz-haderach, my ask box is always open :3


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